


High School from Hell

by Anonymonimus



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Arguing, Awkward Crush, Awkward Kissing, Awkward Romance, Bill Cipher is clueless, Bill isnt eating well but its because hes dumb, Bottom Bill Cipher, Boys In Love, But that depends where youre from, Choose Your Own Adventure, Crush at First Sight, Crushes, Dating, Drama, Drama & Romance, Drinking, Drunken Kissing, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Escort Service, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, First Crush, First Dates, First Love, Friendship/Love, Gay Sex, Gen, Girls Kissing, Girls in Love, High School, Human Bill Cipher, Humour, I mean, I mean theyre 18 which is legal in my country but not in the US, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Kissing, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Love at First Sight, M/M, Manipulative Bill Cipher, Misunderstandings, Multiple Pairings, Murder Mystery, Mutually Unrequited, Older Dipper Pines, Older Mabel Pines, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Party, Partying, Possibly Unrequited Love, Prostitution, Rating May Change, Requited Love, Revenge, Rimming, Romance, Secret Crush, Sex, Sex Education, Sex workers, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Starvation, Surprise Kissing, Tags May Change, Teen Angst, Teen Crush, Teen Romance, Teenage Drama, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Underage Drinking, Unrequited, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, aged up character(s), ish, so its a perspective thing, sort of, what are humans even
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-28 08:53:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 46,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5085769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymonimus/pseuds/Anonymonimus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a spell leaves Bill trapped in a human body with limited magical powers, he goes about getting his revenge on Mabel and Dipper the only way he can: by infiltrating their high school. He may have limited knowledge about teenagers and humans in general but, one way or another, he's going to give the twins a hell of a time for their senior year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So this is a CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE story wherein the readers will guide the flow of the story! It's a concept I first found in the story titled[The Containment](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4789715/chapters/10961063) by [crispyChocolate](http://archiveofourown.org/users/crispyChocolate/pseuds/crispyChocolate) which I thought was cool and wanted to try out. I think I've made this decision at the worst possible time EVER considering I'm supposed to be studying for exams and whatnot but I'm not doing any of that so what the hell let's just go with it.**
> 
> **Now you may have noticed there are two pairings listed above both implicating Bill and one of the twins. This means there are, at the very least, two options for this story to go. Bill can either end up with Dipper or he can end up with Mabel or he can end up with no one. Mabel can end up with Bill or she can end up with Pacifica or no one. Dipper can end up with Bill or he can end up with Pacifica or he can end up with Candy or he can end up with no one.**
> 
> **THE SHIP POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!! What ships come about will depend on YOU! (obviously if this thing keeps going)**
> 
> **The characters can also end up with other people I haven't yet listed. I'm basically open for any ship to be end game (except for Dipper/Mabel - I'm sorry, it's not my thing, but you do you. I'm not judging).**
> 
> **In terms of voting. I'll start tallying the votes around three days after each chapter and the following chapter (with the decision most of you voted on) should be published four days later (give or take, I am a busy woman U_U)**
> 
> **WITH THAT SAID: ENJOY!**

High school was as terrible as Bill had anticipated it to be. The place was supposed to be a den of knowledge and growth where youth learned the necessary skills to survive and function in adulthood, instead it was a building bubbling with anger, sexual frustration and uncontrollable hormones. The first thing he had seen upon arriving was a couple practically eating each other's faces against the lockers. It was rather strange and Bill had stopped to stare for a moment. From the amount of TV he had been watching to learn about humans, specifically teenagers, such an action was called kissing. That being said, he didn't remember the people on the TV being as aggressive as the two in front of him. They ended up shooing him off angrily.

Bill sighed and lamented his situation. He wasn't in such a terrible place because he wanted to be. He was there for the sake of revenge. Pine tree and Shooting Star had, yet again, foiled his plans but this time they had accidentally sealed him into a human body. As far as he was concerned, the twins weren't actually aware of what they had done likely because they had misinterpreted the spell they had used. Bill was now trapped within one Timothy Smith. The meat sack in question was rather ugly in his opinion. He looked nothing like Pine Tree. The kid had platinum blond hair with bangs that were annoyingly long and fell into his eyes more times than not. He kept the locks pinned back with a bright blue hair pin. In regards to Timothy's complexion, his skin was pale even for a white person and Bill thought it made him look sick. He needed to go outside more often and tan. Aside from that, the kid was short in comparison to the other boys his age and he was hardly taller than most girls.

The only thing Timothy had going for him was the impossible wealth he had acquired because his parents had passed away in a terrible plane crash. The kid had been in that same accident and was also, technically, dead but, though his soul had left for the afterlife, his body had been kept alive with machines. Bill had thus been able to usurp it without needing to make a deal. By all means, Timothy's body was his now. Finders keepers, as humans tended to say. Regardless, Timothy's wealth was now Bill's wealth. One could say he had swapped most of his magic – which had presumably been lost because of the spell the twins had used – for the power of money. Bill would still have preferred his magic.

A teenager ran past the demon, hitting his shoulder hard enough to have him stumbling. He looked back and glared at the boy but the latter didn't even spare him a glance or apologise. Bill wished he could smite the insolent human but he didn't have enough magic. All he could muster now were damned pallor tricks. He was so weak he wouldn't be able to hold his own against a gnome.  _A gnome_. It was really pathetic. He breathed heavily and pursued his way through the crowded school halls. Bill ignored the kids who stared at his ugly meat suit in awe. He already knew Timothy was ugly and he didn't need their judging eyes to remind him. Why couldn't he have landed in a comatose boy that resembled Pine Tree? Heck, he would have settled for a girl if she looked anything like Shooting Star.

Speaking of, he found the twins chatting by their lockers just around the corner. Shooting Star was sorting her things into her locker whereas her brother was holding books to his chest. Shooting Star's locker matched her personality very accurately. The door was peppered with stickers of flowers and smiley faces not to mention the cut outs of celebrities and boy bands. She even had a little mirror hooked on the door to fix her hair or what little makeup she wore. The twins were smiling and laughing and it made Bill angry. How dare they be so happy when he was stuck inside Timothy?

Ugly, ugly Timothy.

Bill fished through his pocket and took out a piece of paper. It was blank. He was enrolled in the twins' high school but he hadn't picked his classes yet. A little magic could solve that. He had learned all of the courses available to him as well as Pine Tree's and Shooting Star's schedules. Now he had to make a decision. Would he take one of the twins' schedules or make his own? Whatever he did, he would still get his revenge and make Pine Tree's and Shooting Star's senior high school year absolute hell.

 

* * *

 

**Option 1:**  copy Mabel's schedule.

**Option 2:**  copy Dipper's schedule.

**Option 3:**  make own schedule.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So how was that?**
> 
> **Where crispyChocolate's options vary between 2 and 3 (maybe more in the future), I want to keep mine at 3. It seems like a good number to allow for a lot of diversity and to limit ties. Of course, this is all in the eventuality that this story doesn't die.**
> 
> **Regardless of what happens with this, go check out crispyChocolate's "The Containment" (which I linked to in the notes above). This is heavily inspired (in format) by what she did and her story's fantastic and gripping!**


	2. We've Got Biology

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So I'm going to give three days per voting "sessions" because it's my understanding that the crucial determining point occurs within that time frame. The only time I would give it more time is if the race was tight but, in this case, it isn't.**
> 
> **The tallied votes read: Option 1 - 6 (3 on AO3 and 3 on FFN); Option 2 - 13 (7 on AO3 and 6 on FFN); Option 3 - 1 (AO3)**
> 
> **So option 2 won by a pretty big gap, if I do say so myself.**
> 
> **Lastly, I'm Canadian, yes, amazing, and I know the characters are American and so abide by the American educational system and yadda yadda yadda. Try as I might, I don't understand how high school class schedules work in American schools so I'm rolling with how it was when I went to high school - 2 classes in the morning and 2 classes in the afternoon (all of which are about 1:15mins long).**
> 
> **Now, without further ado, ENJOY!**

_Shooting Star or Pine Tree…_  Bill mused as he stared at the twins.

Shooting Star was free spirited. She didn't take life seriously and preferred to live in the moment rather than fret about the uncertain future. She was crafty and liked making things – mostly gifts she would offer to other people – and her classes reflected that part of her. Shooting Star had taken mostly art courses with the exception of philosophy. It could have been fun. But Bill thought her courses were all stupidly simple and useless. He reckoned he might as well take something more challenging to make his revenge scheme a bit less painless on his end.

Pine Tree was more on his level. He was more intelligent than most kids his age –  _but stupid all the same_ , Bill thought. Stupid all the same was right. Pine Tree had inexplicably taken a mundane Ancient History of Europe course and a cooking class with biology and computer programming. The demon had expected the meat sack to be more technical than that – throwing in some maths and physics. Why would he waste time with long forgotten fables written by self-righteous and pretentious meat sacks and a  _cooking_  class?  _A cooking class._  How could those two things be useful in the least? It was most curious and it intrigued Bill.

"Pine Tree it is." He muttered to himself and glanced down at the blank paper.

He watched as blots of ink sprouted from nothing and snaked in every which direction, forming lines, and criss-crossing over one another. In a few seconds, he found himself with an official schedule. Then he snapped his fingers and his decision was registered in the school's database. Once he finished, he let out a deep breath and Bill cursed himself. He was already tired from such little use of magic. It was humiliating. He went to glare at the twins but quickly found them staring at him with round eyes. Bill jolted and bit back a yelp. He had been caught staring.

The two exchanged perplexed glances and Bill began to panic. As much as he hated them, they weren't  _that_  stupid. It wouldn't take long for them to realise who he was if he kept making mistakes. He needed to do something to make his staring seem far less strange, but nothing came to mind. Luckily, the bell saved him. He rushed to his first class with all the other students and melted into the thick crowd. When he glanced around himself, Bill found he had lost both Pine Tree and Shooting Star – not that they had been chasing him. He sighed in relief. He had only been caught staring which wasn't immediately alarming, but he needed to keep himself hidden by blending in. So long as Bill appeared to be an average teenager, he could maintain the element of surprise. All he needed to do was not draw any attention regardless of how outstandingly ugly Timothy was.

 _God damn it, Timothy_. Bill thought and he lamented being stuck in such an ugly,  _ugly_  meat sack.

He went to his homeroom which happened to be biology. The room was at the other end of the building from where he had been before. The room was big and neat. Shelves and cupboards were cradled against the walls and were stocked with microscopes, measuring cups, test tubes, and just about anything else one would typically find in a science class. Half of the room was filled with long tables with built in sinks for experiments while the other half had movable and uncomfortable desks. Bill opted for a seat in the far back where he, hopefully, wouldn't draw too much attention.

Bill was the first to arrive within the room. The teacher hadn't shown up yet either. He was quickly bored and had half a mind to start messing around with some of the equipment. He  _could_  use some of his magic to make cracks as thin as hair in every single beaker or break the wiring in the heating tables so they would explode the moment someone turned them on. All these devious ideas popped into Bill's head and he grinned at himself. As much as causing an "accident" would be fun, he couldn't allow himself the luxury so soon. Pine Tree and Shooting Star would get suspicious if strange things suddenly started happening. He had to play his cards right and that meant, for the moment, no murdering.

Finally, students began piling into the class. Bill was surprised to see one of Shooting Star's friends – the Japanese one, what was her name again? Try as he might, the demon couldn't remember though he didn't try particularly hard. Regardless, he preferred giving fun nicknames to the beings he knew. What would he call her?

 _Glasses_. He decided and nodded to himself.

Glasses stood by the door intimidated. She looked at the seats anxiously and skimmed over the faces of the people already seated. Bill feared he might be recognized for a moment but he pushed that fear away. He didn't really know why he was so paranoid in the first place. He didn't  _look_  like a triangle with a top hat anymore.

Unfortunately.

He looked like Timothy now.

 _Lamentably_.

Glasses decided to sit around the middle, off to the left. Bill guessed she wanted to sit at the front but that seemed to be socially unacceptable. It would make her a "nerd". He still didn't quite understand what constituted a "nerd". From what he had gathered from the TV, a nerd was someone knowledgeable and he didn't see what was so bad about that. By all means, he knew every little secret to the universe, which would make  _him_  a nerd. Perhaps it was something he shouldn't share with the world. Timothy was already laughably ugly, Bill didn't need the world to find another excuse to dislike him and make him stand out.

A few more students walked in and soon half of the seats were full. Kids were talking to their neighbours and laughing. They discussed how their summer had been and shared stories. Everyone was mingling aside from Glasses and Bill himself. But that quickly changed. Blondie walked in with a click of rich kids looking both as snobbish and as slutty as they possibly could. Most of the students already seated suddenly cowarded and hastily stood up, grabbing all their things. Bill was impressed. Blondie seemed to have great authority in this terrible place. She could make for an interesting ally.

Suddenly, her eyes fell upon him and Bill instantly felt nervous. Perhaps he should have stood and stepped to the side like all the other students, but he hadn't known better. A grin spread on Blondie's face just as her other friends looked at Bill. One of the girls gasped and seemed excited. The demon sighed mentally. Stupid Timothy. He was about to get picked on because his stupid meat sack was just so  _ugly_.

"He's mine, girls." Blondie said and flashed them a smile before strutting over to Bill.

She plopped down next to Bill and all of her friends took seats around them. They scooted their desks closer and turned their attentive gazes on Bill. It was humiliating to admit but he felt rather vulnerable. So many people were paying attention to him and it was the last thing he wanted. Pine Tree and Shooting Star would get suspicious. He absolutely needed to blend in.

"The name's Pacifica," Blondie smiled and batted her eyelashes at Bill. She must have had something stuck in her eyes. "Pacifica Northwest. You may have heard of me."

"I haven't." Bill said bluntly. It was a lie, of course, but she didn't need to know that just yet. He was undercover. "I'm new here."

"You must be." One of the other girls sighed. She had a lip ring and blue hair. "We would have remembered someone with  _your_  face."

Bill mentally groaned. The teasing was about to commence.

"And your  _body_." Another purred and looked him over.

Bill suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

"Hey, Jessica!" Blondie snapped, "I already called dibs so butt off."

"Dibs…?" Bill asked and looked at her quizzically.

"Yeah." Blondie confirmed and winked at him. Bill was starting to think he may have misinterpreted his current situation. "On you."

"On me…?" Bill asked disbelievingly. He felt like he was missing a bit of information.

"You're so damn hot." Jessica breathed. It was probably supposed to be quiet but Bill had heard everything perfectly well.

 _What_? Bill thought to himself.

"Jessica!" Blondie barked.

He was hot? How? Timothy was so ugly. His hair wasn't brown, his skin was too pale, and he had a stupid dot just below the left corner of his mouth that wouldn't wash away no matter how hard he scrubbed. When he practiced smiling in the mirror, Timothy got this weird dent in his cheek that made him look even uglier. There were just so many things wrong with him. How was Timothy  _hot_?

"Sorry, sorry." She said, "I was just looking. Don't worry about it. I'll respect your dibs."

"Hang on," Bill said, "I'm  _hot_?"

The girls exchanged perplexed looks. "I mean…yeah." Blondie answered.

So he  _had_  misinterpreted the situation. Now that he knew what was going on, he thought back on what he had learned from watching TV. What did those kids do? Flirt? Bill wasn't sure how exactly it worked but he was ready to give it a shot. However, he noticed how flirting was the first step to coupling and he wasn't sure he wanted to get  _that_  intimate with Blondie. Perhaps he should opt for a way out.

* * *

 **Option 1** : attempt flirting.

 **Option 2** : "Oh, sorry, my friend just walked in – I need to go!"

 **Option 3** : do nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **HOW WAS THAT PLOT TWIST EHH??? TIMOTHY'S ACTUALLY HOT!**
> 
> **REMINDER: ALL CHARACTERS PRESENTED IN THIS STORY (aside from insignificant minor characters) ARE POTENTIAL MATCHES WITH BILL OR OTHER CHARACTERS.**
> 
> **This, obviously, includes Pacifica and Candy.**
> 
> **Yes, Candy too. The crackships I'm ready to roll with are insane.**
> 
> **Also, another thing I want to point out is Bill _can_ fuck someone and end up in a relationship with someone completely different after. So to those who might be a bit bummed that Bill's not going to be stalking Mabel in her classes and think this is going to wound up being a BillDip fic (though it's too early to tell) Bill and Mabel can still bang!**
> 
> **Don't lose hope, my lovelies!**
> 
> **Lastly, I wanted to divulge what Bill's schedule would have been like if he had chosen to take whatever class he felt like. First period (homeroom) would have been Astronomy, second period would have been chemistry, third period would have been computer programming, and fourth would have been cooking.**
> 
> **And guess who his Astronomy teacher would have been? ;P**


	3. Let's Stare at the New Kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The tallied votes for chapter 2 were:**
> 
> **Option 1: attempt flirting - 9 (2 on AO3 and 7 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: "Oh, sorry, my friend just walked in - I need to go!" - 4 (2 on AO3 and 2 on FFN)  
> Option 3: do nothing - 9 (7 on AO3 and 2 on FFN)**
> 
> **The whole point of constantly having 3 options was to make ties impossible but you guys went ahead and did it anyways. How dare you.**
> 
> **THE WAY I DEAL WITH TIE BREAKERS: Basically, I find someone and without any context whatsoever I tell them "choose between A and B" (A and B being the variable for the two options at a tie - in this case option 1 and 3).**
> 
> **In this case, I asked my friend Danie and she said "Option 3" so we're going with "do nothing".**
> 
> **I'll be honest and admit that someone on FFN voted for option 1 a few minutes ago which broke the tie but the problem was that I had already finished writing this chapter and so her vote was considered irrelevant. Sorry buddy, vote faster next time :D**
> 
> **Now, ENJOY!**

Bill did nothing. It seemed like the best solution. He failed to understand the concept of flirting – the most he understood of it came from a documentary he had watched on exotic birds. As little as the demon knew about humans, he was fairly certain dancing around and shrieking wasn't something they did to express romantic or sexual interest. Not that Bill was romantically or sexually interested in Blondie.

"Anyway," Blondie continued; she fished through her abnormally large purse and pulled out a flyer she placed on Bill's desk. The paper was covered in flashy colours – most of which were neon and hurt Bill's eyes, "I'm hosting a party to celebrate our last high school year. You should definitely come."

The demon perked up at the offer. With all the TV he had watched, he had learned to understand that parties, for teenagers, were a pretty big deal. It involved a lot of drinking, dancing, and mating but what intrigued Bill most was the drinking. Intoxicated meat sacks tended to be more honest and divulged even their deepest of secrets with little to no badgering. If Shooting Star and Pine Tree were to attend, he could get them inebriated and coax them into confessing their greatest weaknesses to be used against them. However, he needed to make sure his targets would attend without being obvious.

Just then, the second bell rang and the last student to enter, Pine Tree, dashed in just a few seconds before the teacher – said teacher happened to be none other than Old Man McGucket. The man looked much better than he ever had. He had trimmed his beard, dawned clean clothes, and stood upright. He also seemed to be far saner. That being said, McGucket was cause for worry. He was paranoid by nature and if anyone were to start getting suspicious of Bill for having done the most unnoticeable for strange things, it would be him. He could ruin his cover and so he had to be particularly careful when it came to this class.

"Who's going to be there?" Bill asked as he watched Pine Tree seat himself next to Glasses. He gave her a sheepish smile and began whispering things to her as he took his binders and pencils out of his bag.

"Like, everyone." Jessica smirked.

"But seniors only. This is for us, not the rest of the school." The blue haired girl with the lip ring added.

"Everyone?" Bill asked and gestured Pine Tree and Glasses, "Even people like them?"

"Yeah." Blondie said, "I mean, nerd, Goth, otaku, hipsters, whatever; they're all invited. I don't know if Dipper will show up though."

"Dipper…?" Bill asked and he tried not to sound spiteful.

"The nerdy-hipster-fail-looking guy you pointed at; he's sitting next to Candy Chiu." Blondie specified, "I sort of forgot you were new for a moment. You know, I can show you around if you like."

Blondie's friends started giggling and making obscene sounds Bill didn't quite understand. He ignored them. He didn't care about them, they were irrelevant. Out of all of them, Blondie was the only useful one because she could get him close to Shooting Star and Pine Tree.

"Sure," Bill agreed absently, "But why wouldn't he go?"

"I don't know." Blondie huffed, "He's generally not a fan of large gatherings and whatever. It's just not his style. Why do you ask?"

The demon was caught off-guard by the question. His mouth fell open, ready to give an answer, but he couldn't think of anything to say. Damn it! He had done something suspicious again! He shouldn't have been so nosy and straight forward! At least he got the information he wanted, but at what cost? None, apparently, because before Blondie could start getting too suspicious, McGucket began speaking. He called for everyone's attention as he started the class.

"Miss Northwest," He said and narrowed his eyes at Blondie, "I've heard from your other teachers how… _disruptive_  you can be when seated near your friends. I'll give you a chance now but all it'll take is one mistake for me to move you to the front, understood?"

"Yup." She grinned.

"Now, before we get started," McGucket continued and his eyes fell upon Bill. "You must be new here because I've never seen you before. You've also neglected to bring anything with you; even a bag."

All the other students seated in front of Bill turned to look at him – including Pine Tree. He suddenly felt very nervous and didn't know what to say.

"What's your name?"

"B-Bill—" He uttered without thinking. He noticed Pine Tree frown from the corner of his eye and he started to panic. "Smith." He added quickly, "Bill Smith."

As stupid and ugly as Timothy was, in his opinion, the demon reckoned he should have gone by his name. He needed to stop panicking whenever he was expected to lie on the spot without preparation. On that note, the demon didn't really understand why he suddenly felt surges of panic every now and again. It must have had something to do with his body.

Stupid Timothy.

"Well,  _Bill_ ," McGucket continued, "I suggest you start getting familiar with Dipper Pines."

"W-what…?" He stuttered meekly and he felt the colour drain from his face as his heart sped up.

"Because you'll be working on a group project, of course!" He exclaimed and the students groaned collectively. "I've also taken the liberty of assigning each of you to a partner so, as I said, Bill Smith will work with Dipper Pines, Chloe Price will—"

Bill let out a sigh of relief and slunk into his chair. He glanced at Pine Tree and bit his lip. On one hand he would be getting close to one of his targets but, on the other, getting close so soon could be dangerous. Bill still wasn't sure how he should act around other teenagers because he still didn't understand what was considered normal and what wasn't. He hoped he would have the opportunity to learn through observation before he decided to get closer to either Pine Tree or Shooting Star but that plan seemed to be out of the question now.

"Don't worry about it," Blondie whispered to him and nudged him, "Dipper's really smart. You won't have to do much of the work. It'll be an easy A."

Bill forced himself to smile. He hoped it looked normal but Blondie's face went red and she looked away instantly so he assumed he failed. The demon groaned inwardly. Today was already starting off terribly.

When McGucket finished imposing partners to every student in class, he began with the first lesson. Bill hardly paid attention. All the man was doing was listing the units they would be covering and giving a brief synopsis of the information they would be learning. For the most part, Bill already knew everything he was saying. The demon understood the cellular reproduction system and all its components perfectly, he understood how DNA was built and also possessed knowledge in regards to it that the dumb flesh bags hadn't discovered yet. He understood the human digestive, urinary, nervous, and circulatory systems as well as those for every single animal in the given dimension. By all means, he wouldn't even have to attend class to score perfect grades on every single test thrown his way.

But perhaps doing so was too weird. Bill reminded himself he shouldn't showcase his extended knowledge lest he be branded a nerd and bullied.

An hour and fifteen minutes later, the bell rang marking the end of class. Bill made quick work of slipping out of his desk, snatching the paper Blondie had given him, and darting into the hallway. He expressly ignored Pine Tree calling after him to wait – he likely wanted to discuss the project they would be working on together, but Bill wasn't ready. He needed more time – at least an hour – to get a better idea of how teenagers casually interacted with each other. Ideally, Bill would have mastered the knowledge beforehand but that would require more time than he was ready to give. He stopped in the middle of the hall to consider his options.

* * *

**Option 1** : skip history class to observe teenagers in their natural habitat.

**Option 2** : go to history class.

**Option 3** : bite the bullet – wait for Pine Tree and try your luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Had we gone through with Option 1, Bill would have embarrassed himself and[imitated the majestic mating dance of exotic birds](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPfW7iolmgc). Pacifica wouldn't have invited him to her party even if it is for all seniors after that.**
> 
> **Dipper would have also gotten very suspicious.**
> 
> **But it would have been hilarious.**
> 
> **Had we gone through with option 2, Bill would have accidentally made friends with Dipper because he was the last student to walk into class. He also would have met with Candy. As a result, Pacifica would have been very jealous and not have invited him to the party immediately.**
> 
> **Those were the things that could have happened but didn't. I personally thought everyone was going to go for option 2 but I was terribly wrong, apparently.**
> 
> **QUESTION: Should I make the chapters longer? I want to but then I also want to give you guys more things to decide on. Like I almost stopped the chapter at "What is your name?" so you could decide if Bill would go as Timothy Smith, Bill Smith, or not answer the question. SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME!**
> 
> **Anyways, vote fast and see you IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!**


	4. From Bad to Worst to OMFG STOP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The tallied votes for chapter 3 were:**
> 
>  
> 
> **Option 1: skip history - 5 (2 on AO3 and 3 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: go to history - 6 (4 on AO3 and 2 on FFN  
> Option 3: bite the bullet - 16 (9 on AO3 and 7 on FFN) ******
> 
> ******With that said, let's get the show on the road!**** **
> 
> ******I was actually supposed to update earlier than this (specifically during my 5 hour gap between classes) but then I decided to be social, I went to a fair of information (lord knows if that's what you English folk actually call it), then I went to give in my CV for a job as a tourist guide for Parliament and yadda yadda yadda.**** **
> 
> ******I did shit so I had no time.**** **
> 
> ******But now I do :DD**** **
> 
> ******ENJOY!**** **

Bill clenched his hands into fists and tensed. He tried to relax by breathing deeply but it was difficult. He was admittedly nervous. Pine Tree was unfortunately not an idiot – far from it, actually. He was rather perceptive and his imaginative mind could potentially ruin Bill's plans for revenge. The demon had to act like a normal teenage boy in his senior year and he had to do so flawlessly. He didn't quite understand what "normal" exactly consisted of aside from the tendencies he had noticed when watching TV in an attempt to educate himself. Right – it was time to put his limited knowledge on human culture to the test.

The first thing he did was shove his hands into his pockets and try to look relaxed. Bill leaned back a bit but not too much and kept his head slightly tilted upwards. He had practiced expressions in the mirror and tried to look casual. What even  _was_  casual? He shook his head and scratched out the idea. The demon would settle on expressing boredom. He hoped his facial features conveyed just that. Next was thinking of excuses he could give Pine Tree as to why he had ignored him when he called out his name and fled the class. The initial few reasons he conjured he found were too crazy. No one would ever believe he had gone temporarily deaf for a few seconds. As far as Bill was concerned, such a thing wasn't actually possible. No, he had to think of something better.

Bill grasped the paper in his pocket and pulled it out. He was already anxious about lying convincingly in a way a teenager would to Pine Tree but what was worse was that he had no idea where the stupid history class would be. Where the hell was classroom P9? The establishment only had two floors and none of them were labelled with letters. Was there a secret floor P? But then an idea dawned on Bill and just in the nick of time too because Pine Tree suddenly tapped his shoulder. The demon turned around to face the other and found, much to his displeasure, that Pine Tree was taller than him.

Stupid Timothy.

Why did he have to be so short?

"Um…hi." Bill said meekly. He decided it would be best to keep his answers short. The less he said, the less he risked screwing up.

"Yeah, uh, hi." Dipper said sheepishly and he fidgeted nervously as he played with his fingers. Bill worried he was already suspicious of his true identity. Why else would he act in such a way? "I, um…it's just, I called after you and you sort of…"

Bill waited for him to finish his sentence for a moment. It took him a bit of time to realise Pine Tree was going to leave it at that and was expecting a response likely in regards to his actions. "Oh! Right, well…I just…" Bill stumbled stupidly and glimpsed at the paper he held, "I just…have no idea where P9 is…so…" Bill forced himself not to gag or vomit when he concluded with: "Sorry." At least he had found a decent excuse.

God, he just wanted to jump off a cliff. He couldn't believe he actually apologised to Pine Tree. It didn't matter that he didn't mean it, he still said it and he hated it.

"P9?" Dipper asked and peered at the demon's schedule, "Ancient European history?"

"Yeah." Bill said and he wasn't sure why but he tried to smile.

Pine Tree's face went red just like Blondie's and Bill mentally cursed himself for having attempted a smile again only to fail. He would need more practice. All he hoped now was that Pine Tree disregarded the action and didn't become more guarded.

"W-well—" Pine Tree stammered and his voice cracked. Bill couldn't help but snicker. The brunet cleared his throat and before speaking again, "I have the same class, I can show you the way…if you want."

"Um…sure." Bill agreed and he awkwardly followed Pine Tree through the halls, easily weaving through the chaotic gathering of students.

"So…" Pine Tree said and glanced at Bill, "I wanted to talk about the project really quick…if you don't mind…I know it's early but, you know, head starts and whatever…"

Bill frowned at the boy. He was acting so strange. During their previous encounters, Pine Tree exuberated confidence and authority. He held his ground and responded to Bill's teases with surprising wit. Now he was a stuttered mess and could barely finish a sentence. He wasn't the Pine Tree Bill was used to. Why? Was it because Timothy was, apparently, hot? Speaking of—

"Do you think I'm hot?" Bill asked bluntly.

If someone was going to be truthful with him it would be Pine Tree. The latter did have those weird little things called 'morals'.

Pine Tree flinched and his face went red again. His eyes were wide and his mouth agape. His lips moved but he emitted no sound – like he didn't know what to say.  _Curious_.

"I-I-I…well—"

"Dipper!" Shooting Star shouted and approached them. Pine Tree sighed in relief and turned to his sister effectively dodging the question. Bill frowned at that.

"Mabel." He said and smiled at her.

Bill wondered how the two managed to curve their mouths in such a way. Why was it so easy for them to smile prettily?

Pine Tree turned back towards him and gestured Shooting Star, "Bill, this is my twin sister Mabel." He said and then looked at his sister, "Mabel, this is Bill."

"Bill?" Shooting Star asked and glanced at Pine Tree.

The look she gave him made Bill tense. She was suspicious – her tone of voice conveyed it. "Y-yeah?" Bill said in a feeble attempt to dissolve the situation.

This had all been a terrible idea. He should have found a different way to get his revenge.

"Oh, sorry, it's nothing." Shooting Star grinned widely. The demon wasn't sure he could stretch Timothy's mouth like that. "We just knew a Bill once. Your name reminded me of him."

"Oh…okay." Bill said and left it at that.

Short answers.

Short answers were key.

"What class do you have?" Pine Tree asked her.

"Nothing. I have a spare." Shooting Star said, "Grenda has one too so we'll probably be in the atrium or go to Grunkle Ford's office."

"Six—" Bill uttered before he could stop himself. The twins' gazes fell upon him, watching him curiously – waiting for him to fail, it seemed. "Six…six minutes have passed." He said instead and hoped it came out naturally.

"That's right." Pine Tree huffed, "We better get to class. See you later."

Shooting Star smiled again and waved them off before heading down the hall. Bill followed Pine Tree to P9 which, apparently, stood for  _portable 9_. He kept his head down for the rest of their short walk and chewed his lower lip. It was one thing dealing with teenagers and Old Man McGucket but another to have Sixer on his hands. He was smart. He  _knew_  Bill personally. They had spent so many years together when the demon pretended to be his friend. Sixer would be onto him the moment he set eyes on him or heard his name.

He had to avoid him at all costs.

"Are you okay?" Pine Tree asked and nudged Bill as they walked into the portable.

"Hun? Uh…yeah." He lied.

The demon went to the far end of the class and sat at the desk with the least chewed gum covering the surface. He would never understand why teenagers preferred to stick that disgusting paste anywhere other than in the trash can. What had been the point of inventing trash cans if they were to go unused? What was even the point of sticking their gum everywhere? Was it a way to mark their territory? In the long run, it wouldn't matter. Bill would destroy them all.

Pine Tree took the desk next to him. He set his bag in the space between them and pulled out an orange binder filled with lined papers. "We've still got a few minutes before class starts." He said as he fished through his bag for more things, "So I wanted to know if you had any preferences on the topics we could choose from?"

"Oh, um…I wasn't really paying attention." Bill said and he hoped it wasn't alarming. Teenagers never listened in class. They were always whispering and passing notes – or, at least, they did on TV. Most of them had been rather quiet and well-behaved during the class. Perhaps TV had gotten it wrong?

Pine Tree flinched at the comment and his face went red. The demon immediately started panicking, thinking he had said the wrong thing again and that his cover was in another compromising situation. It was still only the first day;  _how_  could everything be going so terribly?

"I-I don't really care though!" Bill added hastily, "We can do whatever you want!"

"Really?" Pine Tree frowned and tilted his head to the side inquisitively. "You sure?"

"Yeah!" Bill insisted with a forced laugh he hoped didn't sound too crazy, "You're a smart guy—" he mentally smacked himself for the comment.  _Short_. He had to be short but he had gone and mucked it up. He was supposed to have just met Pine Tree, how could he know he was smart? He needed to fix it– "I-I mean, that's what  _Blondie_ —Pacifica told me. She said you're smart."

"She…she did?" Pine Tree asked with an astonished expression. "Wow, well…okay."

Bill tried smiling again and he wasn't sure why especially after his two recent failures. It almost seemed like a natural response. Maybe it was something Timothy always did when he found himself in awkward situations.  _Stupid Timothy_. Regardless, Pine Tree's reaction was the same and it left the demon to wonder what exactly he was doing wrong. Smiling shouldn't be as difficult as it was.

"But yeah, the project…" Pine Tree continued, clearing his throat, "I was thinking we could do it on Charles Darwin's theory of evolution. We could talk about his research technique and the public's response to his findings once they were published."

"Sure." Bill agreed. He honestly didn't care.

Just then the second bell rang. The class was hardly filled to capacity. They were twelve in total – including Bill himself and Pine Tree. The teacher was also nowhere to be found. It was strange and the other students seemed to share his concerns as well. Just then, the portable's door swung open and Bill wished the ground would just swallow him whole.

"Hello class! Miss Melody couldn't make it so I'll be taking over but just for today."

It was Stanford  _fucking_  Pines.

* * *

**Option 1** : scream.

**Option 2** : act natural. Don't move a muscle. Maybe he won't see you.

**Option 3** : sneak out of the portable when he's not looking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **You guys, btw, are like the nicest people in the god damn world! I asked all of you last chapter if I should make the chapters longer and you were all like "you do you, we'll follow you 'til the end of the line" (I'm paraphrasing, of course) which was so fucking nice!**
> 
>  
> 
> **Some of you also gave me your opinions, one that really clarified things for me. Starting from next chapter on, I'll attempt to make everything longer.**
> 
> **Also, I know we're still on the first day of school atm but I plan (loosely considering you guys are guiding the story) for the day to be done by chapter 6 and chapter 7 will be next big event (which COULD be the party Bill was invited to among other things ;D)**
> 
> **So thank you all! Your kind words and advice really helped me sort this out!**
> 
>  
> 
> **FACT: The schedule I chose for Dipper is very similar to the one I had in my 11th grade of High School. Mabel's, on the other hand, is very similar to the one I had during my last year. Bill's schedule (the one he would have had had he made his own) is a schedule I would never for the life of me ever picked.**
> 
>  
> 
> **OTHER FACT: When I took my Ancient European history course, my class was in portable 9 too.**
> 
>  
> 
> **OTHER OTHER FACT: I'm modelling the High School after the one I went to - maybe a bit bigger.**


	5. We All Scream Because Life Sucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The tally of votes for last chapter:**
> 
> **Option 1: scream - 17 votes (11 on AO3 and 6 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: nothing - 16 votes (7 on AO3 and 9 on FFN)  
> Option 3: sneak out - 3 votes (2 on AO3 and 1 on FFN)**
> 
> **Someone voted again when it was too late so just be faster!**
> 
> **QUICK REMINDER: THIS CAN BE A MULTI SHIP FIC IF YOU CHOOSE IT TO BE (I would personally be very happy if it was)!! BILL CAN SCREW ANYONE AND END UP WITH SOMEONE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT OR EVEN ALONE BY THE END OF IT!!!**
> 
> **With that said, enjoy :DD**

Bill didn't exactly know what it was that pushed him to do what he did. Perhaps it was just the difficulty of having to manage with such an ugly and stupid human body. Perhaps it was the hardships of having to exist without his magic – or most of it, anyways. Perhaps it was the exasperation linked with trying in vain to understand humans and teenage culture in all its complications and senselessness. Maybe it had to do with how nothing was really going according to plan; not that he had a  _clear_ idea of how he wanted things to go. That being said, he had wanted some  _degree_  of control but, apparently, even the smallest amount was impossible to attain. Maybe that's what it was, lack of control over the unfolding situations. Whatever it was, Bill just screamed.

It was a mix of despair, shock, frustration and many more things. He had  _just_ learned Sixer, against all odds, had found himself a job at Pine Tree and Shooting Star's high school and had  _just_ decided to avoid him at all costs lest his true identity be discovered. It was simple, it shouldn't have been too difficult to accomplish but no.  _No_. Whoever the Ancient European history teacher was, she just  _had_  to be absent and someone just  _had_  to assign Sixer of all teachers to take over. It just  _had_  to happen.

It took Bill a moment to realise all eyes had fallen on him. Pine Tree gave him a curious look but nothing matched the confusion painting Sixer's face. The demon suddenly felt stupid. If just existing wasn't going to tip off Sixer or Pine Tree than screaming likely was. It hadn't even been the first day – it wasn't even  _noon_  – but Bill had still managed to screw up. However, he didn't want to blame himself so he blamed Timothy. Stupid Timothy. It was probably actually his fault to some degree. Bill reckoned he had become more 'emotional' ever since he had been sealed away in the rich kid's comatose body. Had he been his usual self, he likely wouldn't have messed everything up – or, at least, maybe not as quickly.

"Is…is, uh, something wrong?" Sixer asked awkwardly.

Bill stiffened. How in the world was he going to get out of this one? He knew next to nothing about humans and their weaknesses aside from the obvious physical ones. Was there something he could say to dispel suspicion? The answer, he concluded, was probably not. Sixer wasn't an idiot and neither was Pine Tree. They would probably still figure it out no matter what he said but Bill wasn't one to go down quietly. He would go down swinging or, in this case, lying.

"I just…I…" He stuttered nervously, "I don't react well to… _change_. Or, you know, anything unexpected."

"Oh." Sixer responded meekly. Then, a spark ignited in his eyes and it was like he suddenly understood the subtle meaning of what Bill had said – which was weird because there hadn't been one. "Oh!" he said in a more illuminated tone. If he had figured out Bill's identity, it wasn't the response he had been expecting. Knowing Sixer the blond figured he had likely come to a different conclusion. "I remember reading about this! Yes, I'm so, so sorry!"

"Uh…" Bill started and he tried to mask his confusion, "It's…it's okay?"

"No, no, it really isn't." Sixer assured hastily, "You know, I always thought this was a problem with educational institutions. They'll make accommodations for students – or just  _people_  suffering from physical troubles, but give no regard for the ones with mental illnesses."

_What the hell…?_  Bill thought but he bit his tongue to keep from actually saying it.

"Right, well, forgive me, I'm so sorry." Sixer insisted again, "I'll just leave it at this so we can move on. I don't want to put you on the spot more than I already have. That being said, I would really like to speak with you at the end of class."

"U-um…okay." Bill agreed sheepishly.

"Good." Sixer said and gave him a strangely kind smile before addressing the class again, "Now, as I was saying, I'll be taking over the class, just for today. I'm not actually a history teacher – honestly, I just don't get the point of history but—"

Sixer continued teaching. He walked from one end of the class to another, occasionally writing things on the chalk board like important dates for tests and whatnot. Bill recognized he knew next to nothing about the history of humans but he found it was rather interesting from what little exerts Sixer gave. There seemed to be a lot of violence and chaos. He would give the meat sacks just that, they had an appetite for war. Bill enjoyed it very much. There was nothing he loved better than bloodshed.

"Hey." Pine Tree whispered and it took Bill a moment to realise he was talking to him.

"What?" He whispered back.

Everything was starting to resemble more of what he had seen on TV.

"Are you sure you're okay…?" Pine Tree asked and he seemed strangely concerned.

"Hun, uh, yes." Bill answered.

Pine Tree seemed unconvinced by the answer but left it at that. He glanced away and back at the demon briefly and Bill tried to smile again. Pine Tree's face went red and he stiffened as he darted his gaze away. Again. He really needed to stop. Tonight, he would practice in front of the mirror until he figured it out. Smiling couldn't be  _that_  difficult.

Soon, the bell rang and the ten other students in class gathered their things. It was lunch time and Bill remembered seeing how that specific time was a big deal in most movies depicting high school life. Apparently, where one sat determined the social group in which they would find themselves until graduation. Bill had to make his pick carefully so as to wind up in the one with the most attributes. He was stressing himself out when he suddenly remembered how Sixer had wanted to talk to him. For a moment, the demon considered bolting out of the class and not looking back. He opted to just go with it and talk to him. Maybe he would say something useful.

Pine Tree was standing by the door, seemingly waiting for him, when he got to the desk. Ford sat on the chair and offered him the same type of smile he had given him before. It made Bill feel… _weird_ , to say the least.

"Hi, I don't want to take much of your time," Sixer assured kindly. He spoke gently, almost like he once had back when Bill was busy tricking him into building a portal. Ah.  _The good ol' days_. "I just wanted to talk more about your condition."

"Yes. My condition." Bill said vaguely.

"You  _do_  have anxiety, correct?" He asked bluntly and Bill had no idea if it was what he thought it was. Was it something different? Or was Sixer referring to the habit of feeling nervous in stressful positions? "Because, if you do, I want you to know it's okay."

"Um…yes." Bill simply agreed.

Anxiety? Humans got special treatment for feeling something as silly as anxiety?*

"Then I really don't want to step out of your comfort zone and I'll keep this brief," Sixer assured, "I know this isn't easy to deal with and sometimes it can be scary, but if you need to talk to someone, you can come to me at any time. My office is on the second floor in room 211. Don't worry about getting a tardy slip or something if you ever get overwhelmed, I'll take care of it."

"Uh…thank you." Bill said and he was awed.

Perhaps pretending to have anxiety wasn't so bad. If he didn't fall into the proper social group and attain the perks he wanted, he would at least have whatever Sixer was offering him.

"Have a good lunch." Sixer concluded.

Bill nodded and stumbled away from the desk. He didn't quite understand what had just happened aside from how he had inexplicably escaped his previously awkward situation and now had to pretend to have anxiety. Oh well. At least his cover was still intact.

"So, uh…" Pine Tree said and Bill had almost forgotten the brunet was still following him around. "I overheard a bit…I'm sorry if that bothers you."

"No, it's fine." Bill said and that much was true. He didn't actually suffer from anything as far as he was concerned – excluding the human condition, of course. God, Timothy  _sucked_.

"I didn't know you suffered from anxiety…" Pine Tree started, "I'll shut up if you want me to, it's just…if there's anything I can do to help…please tell me."

Bill regarded Pine Tree curiously. What was it about anxiety that had people suddenly concerned for him and willing to go out of their way to make him happy? It wasn't that he was complaining as much as he was expressing his confusion. Humans were so perplexing.

"Grunkle Ford," he continued, "The stand-in history teacher – that's my great uncle – he's also a really good guy. So if you need anything, you can trust him."

"Thanks…" Bill answered meekly.

They walked into the school and it didn't take long until they were met with other people. Up ahead, by the senior lockers, Shooting Star and Blondie were talking. Blondie's group was strangely absent but Bill didn't wonder about it too much. He didn't care about them, Blondie was the only useful one. Without knowing what else to do, Bill followed Pine Tree's lead and walked up to them.

"Hey." He said.

"Dipper!" Shooting Star exclaimed, "You brought Bill too! How was class?"

"It was fine." Pine Tree answered a bit stiffly and Bill wondered if it was because he had screamed. "We didn't do anything. Grunkle Ford was our sub."

"I was wondering why he wasn't at his office." Shooting Star said, "Especially after he told me he wasn't teaching during my spare."

"So what are you two doing?" Pine Tree asked and turned his gaze to Blondie.

"I was waiting for Bill." Blondie answered and the demon jolted a bit, "I said I would show him around."

Bill noticed how the twins both stilled. He wondered why.

"I mean, I was going to do it because we have two classes together." Pine Tree said.

"That's cool but he already said I could do it." Blondie stated and reached for Bill's arm. She hooked hers around his. The twins didn't look too pleased with her actions.

Well, this was awkward.

* * *

*This line doesn't actually reflect my own personal opinion about anxiety. As someone who suffers from it and has suffered from it for years now, I know very much it isn't a laughing matter and nor is it silly. This is just Bill's thought as someone who just doesn't get it and doesn't care to get it.

* * *

**Option 1:**  go with Blondie.

**Option 2:**  go with Pine Tree.

**Option 3:**  go with Shooting Star.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So here's a quick list of people Bill can currently screw with enough proper decisions:**
> 
> **Mabel, Pacifica, Dipper, Ford, and Candy.**
> 
> **Heck, I'll add McGucket into the mix because why the hell not. That being said, if you bastards put me in a position where I have to write a god damn sex scene between McGucket and Bill, I will both laugh and cry.**
> 
> **I want to encourage you guys to be as crazy as I want and can be! SO BE CRAZY!**
> 
> **AND SEE YOU ALL NEXT CHAPTER!!**


	6. All the Take-Backsies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Alright, so, here's the gist of things. I'm currently uploading two stories. This one updates once every three or four days and the other is every day. Tomorrow morning, I have an hour to get ready and hop on a bus to attend my first class of the day and I don't think I'll have the time to publish the chapter for either story so I publishing this one tonight.**
> 
> **In the end, it's not like waiting until the very last second was going to change to voting outcome lol**
> 
> **So today's your lucky day, I guess!**
> 
> **Last chapter's tally:**
> 
> **Option 1: Pacifica - 6 votes (2 on AO3 and 4 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: Dipper - 22 votes (11 on AO3 and 11 on FFN)  
> Option 3: Mabel - 10 votes (3 on AO3 and 7 on FFN)**

Bill carefully pried his arm out of Blondie's grasp and shifted towards the twins. He felt very awkward and didn't really know what to say. Blondie seemed rather shocked and insulted they had been chosen over her. She snapped her mouth shut and narrowed her eyes towards Pine Tree and Shooting Star.

"Don't be mad, Paz." Shooting Star said softly.

"I called dibs." She stated stubbornly, "And don't call me that."

Shooting Star looked hurt and turned her gaze to the ground. "You can't call dibs on a person." Pine Tree said and he seemed a bit cocky. There he was. There was the Pine Tree Bill knew.

"Whatever." Blondie responded venomously, "I'll let you have him for now. You'll be coming to the party anyway, won't you Bill?"

"Uh, sure." Bill said.

"Good." Blondie smirked and she stepped towards him, "I'll see you there."

She then leaned in and pressed her lips to his cheek. Bill stiffened. Blondie pulled away almost as quickly. She gave him a wink before sneering at the twins and stalking off in direction of the cafeteria. The twins seemed annoyed for some reason, Pine Tree more so than his sister. Bill didn't understand why. Kissing was a good thing, wasn't it? A lot of the people on TV seemed happy when they were kissed. Then again, the demon remembered instances where trouble came from the supposedly intimate contact. He didn't really understand what was so special about it. It was just putting your mouth against something, uttering a "mwah" sound and pulling away – or, in other cases, it involved practically eating someone else's face.

"Are you okay with that?" Pine Tree asked, concerned.

"Um…I guess." Bill responded. He was mostly indifferent to it. He hadn't been expecting it but he didn't care.

"I'm asking because…" He stopped himself and looked at his sister who gave him a strange look, "You know…?"

_I do…?_  Bill wondered.

Did he mean the anxiety thing? Was it secret or something? Did people who suffer from this senseless affliction* hide the fact and cower at the prospect of being kissed? He should really research the thing once he got back to Timothy's mansion if he was to be convincing.

"Oh, I mean, yeah." Bill shrugged off. He opted to play it off like it was nothing.

"I-I mean, I was only because…" Pine Tree reiterated and he seemed flustered, "Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed—"

"What are you going on about?" Shooting Star asked with a hint of exasperation.

Bill very much sought the same answers. Sometimes Pine Tree was a most peculiar meat sack.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." He continued. "Let's just…let's just show Bill around."

"That sounds like fun." Shooting Star beamed, then she turned to Bill, "Let's see that schedule of yours!" Bill took out the piece of paper from his pocket and handed it over without think. Shooting Star looked it over curiously and her eyes widened in interest. "Hun, isn't this your exact schedule, Dipper?"

Pine Tree peaked over and skimmed through the classes. "Yeah, actually."

He should have thought having all the same classes was suspicious. Bill mentally punched Timothy in the face twice. "Haha, wow." The demon said awkwardly, "What a coincidence. Guess it  _was_  a better idea to stick with you."

"I'll say!" Shooting Star laughed but then she glanced towards the path Blondie had taken to leave. "I feel bad though. I mean, she seemed pretty upset."

"She's just mad she didn't get her way." Pine Tree sighed, "This is the first time princess doesn't get what she wants."

"Dipper!" Shooting Star chastised, "That's mean!"

"It's true." Pine Tree countered.

"Doesn't mean you have to be a dick about it." Shooting Star stated.

"Whoa." Bill said. He didn't think Shooting Star was physically capable of uttering a swear. He always thought she would combust if she did.

"Sorry." She apologised almost immediately.

"Better us than her though, right?" Pine Tree continued, "I mean, you get to—"

But he didn't finish. Shooting Star kicked him in the shin, promptly interrupting him and causing Pine Tree to double over in pain. He groaned and moaned quietly as he clutched the sore part of his leg. Bill forced himself not to smile. It was just so great seeing Pine Tree in pain. Gosh, he would really never tire of it. Regardless, he still wanted to know what the kid had been about to say.

"You get to what?" Bill asked, turning towards Shooting Star.

"Nothing." Shooting Star insisted stiffly and Bill noticed how her cheeks were rosier than before.

"Okay…"

"Let's just show you around." Shooting Star said. She wrapped her arm around Bill's and then Pine Tree's before leading the way down the hall.

Shooting Star spoke energetically the whole time. She pointed out each class and explained what they were usually for and what senior class was held within the local. Bill also learned the exact placement of Sixer's office and checked it mentally. Knowing where he could find him could potentially be useful. Obviously, the demon wasn't going to utilise him just yet. He needed to get better at this whole 'human' thing. One small mistake and Sixer could unravel his identity.

In this high school, there were two places where Bill could eat. It was either the cafeteria or the atrium. Most senior ate at neither place, opting to go out during lunch to the nearby restaurants and fast foods or to just eat in some random classroom. What stumped Bill was that the social groups he had seen on the TV were absent. When they walked through the populated eating areas, he couldn't distinguish the Goths, the nerds, and the preps. They all seemed to just blend together. It was the strangest thing and it worried him. How was he supposed to insert himself into the proper group if he couldn't tell them apart? Perhaps he should have stayed with Blondie…

Shooting Star and Pine Tree guided him to the atrium. The area was bigger and had far many more tables than the cafeteria could fit. They stood for a moment, both twins scanning the sea of people sitting and eating until their eyes fell upon them. Their friends. Glasses and  _that Monster_  were sitting on the other side of the room and were waving them over. Bill reluctantly followed the two to their table when something dawned on Shooting Star.

"Oh hey," She said and glanced at her brother, "We forgot our lunches. I'll go get them."

"Sure." Pine Tree shrugged and watched her leave. Then he turned to Bill and suddenly realised he lacked a lunch as well. "Did you forget yours in your locker too?"

"No." Bill admitted, "I didn't bring one."

He didn't expect to be at the high school for so long. Honestly, he had thought it was a thing one attended for a few hours before leaving – not the whole day. Regardless, he wasn't a fan of food. The textures were strange, the flavours bland, and the smell was terrible more times than not. However,  _Timothy_  required food to sustain his body. His stomach made weird gurgling sounds, which Pine Tree clearly heard because it brought a smile to his face.

"I'll share my lunch with you." He said.

"Hey, Dipper!" The Monster bellowed from the table at which she sat, "Are you going to stand there all lunch? Get over here!"

Bill stiffened. God, he didn't want to get anywhere near her. Not after what had happened all those years ago… _in that closet_. He shuddered.

"They're nice people." Pine Tree whispered to him as they sat at the table. "You don't need to worry about them but, if they do anything to make you uncomfortable, just nudge me, okay?"

Bill nodded.

"Is this the new student everyone has been talking about?" Glasses asked. She gave Bill a shy smile.

"Hubba, hubba, he's hotter than the rumours let on!" The Monster exclaimed shamelessly, "You girls are all lucky I'm in a relationship with an Austrian prince otherwise I would be all over that nice piece of man!"

"Okay…calm down, Grenda." Pine Tree said with a nervous laugh.

Bill wondered why Pine Tree was so nice to him. Obviously, the kid didn't know who he actually was and he was generally kind, but he seemed… _different_. Bill had never seen him so attentive and mindful to others before. Did it have something to do with 'anxiety' or was it just because Timothy was, supposedly, hot? The TV did inform that physically attractive people were viewed as more important than those who weren't. Speaking of…

"Hey, you never answered my question." Bill stated. Pine Tree gave him a confused expression, "Do you think I'm hot?"

Pine Tree's face flushed red as did Glasses's. The Monster simply snorted out a laugh. He didn't really understand what was so funny. It was an honest question. Not to mention the whole world seemed comfortable talking about Timothy's hotness in front of Bill, so why did things change when he asked Pine Tree? And why did his face go red? What did that even mean? Was he angry? Bill's form used to become red when he was angry…but that was when he was a triangle.

Gosh, he missed his top hat.

"Uh…well, I mean…" Pine Tree stuttered stupidly, "Does it matter?"

"Yes." Bill stated and he noticed how the two other girls got very still all of a sudden. He didn't understand why. It was just a question. "You seem truthful."

"So are the others…" Pine Tree insisted.

Bill frowned. Had his suspicions been correct? Was Timothy actually ugly? Had everyone else been mocking him by calling him hot? He would burn them to ashes if they did. How dare they show such impoliteness to their future God! Teenagers were truly the worst.

"And I'm back!" Shooting Star declared loudly and slammed two lunch boxes in front of Pine Tree. She sidled her way to Pine Tree's other side and sat down. "How much time do we have left?"

"About thirty minutes." Glasses answered, glancing at her wrist watch. "What took you so long before?"

"We were showing Bill around." Shooting Star grinned and leaned over to flash him a smile.

Bill found he quite liked the grins she managed to muster. Perhaps he could have her teach him somehow.

"Did Dipper introduce you to everyone?" She then asked and Bill shook his head, "Well, this is Grenda and that's Candy. They're our friends."

Bill forced himself to smile to the best of his ability. He tried to emanate what he liked about Shooting Star's smile but wasn't sure he was succeeding. "Hi." He said and everyone's faces went red. He really needed to figure out what that meant.

Lunch passed by quickly. Pine Tree gave him half of his disgusting sandwich. Peanut butter and jelly? Together?  _Sacrilegious_. Shooting Star also gave him her bag of crackers which were repulsively salty. That being said, he ate what little food was given to him with a forced smile. He wasn't about to admit how nasty he found everything. According to the TV, that would be rude.

Once lunch ended, Bill followed Pine Tree to their next class. Apparently, a teacher couldn't be bothered to teach the computer programming class and so students had to teach themselves. This was called an "online course". On the bright side, it was the simplest class so far. He  _had_  helped Sixer build the plans for a trans-dimensional portal. When Pine Tree explained they had free range on the progress they decided to make every day though had to have finished a certain amount of work by a fixed date, Bill cracked his knuckles and got down to business. He would give Timothy one thing – aside from his extreme wealth – his five fingers per hand were damn convenient for typing. By the time the period finished, Bill had completed half of the workload for the entire class.

"I take it you're a computer geek." Pine Tree chuckled.

Bill's blood froze.  _Geek_. A dreaded word situating him in one of the lowest teenage social groups. It was debatably the lowest depending how one perceived the nerds. He had been so silly to think he could get away with being his usual impossibly smart self in a classroom he basically only shared with Pine Tree. He had to make him keep quiet otherwise it would make high school life tougher than it already was.

"Don't tell anyone." Bill said, glaring at the ground.

"Oh…okay." Pine Tree agreed and the former was surprised it had been so easy. "Don't worry about it. I'll keep it to myself."

Great. Now he was indebted to Pine Tree.

The last class of the day was cooking class. The dumbest class in the world, in Bill's opinion. What was the point in learning how to cook when food was so disgusting? He understood it was necessary for human's survival, but it was still stupid considering the food delivery system existed. A part of him wished he had decided to take a different course for the last period. The class was just next to the school's main entrance. It was one of the biggest rooms in the whole establishment, according to Shooting Star and Pine Tree. Speaking of, they found Shooting Star seated at one of the cooking stations by the window. She had the Monster with her and Bill sighed inwardly. Naturally, they were waved over.

"Last class of the day!" She cheered.

"I know. I'm so happy." Pine Tree breathed.

"I'm really looking forward to this class." The Monster said, "Everyone keeps saying how great Mister Strange is."

"I know!" Shooting Star cooed, "Apparently he talks about his boyfriend a lot too, which is adorable."

"Yeah, isn't he a scientist or something?"

"I just want to make stuff." Pine Tree stated, "The only reason I took this class was to be with Mabel and make pastries."

"You'll get fat." The Monster warned.

Bill listened to them chat quietly. They seemed so comfortable amongst themselves. He glanced around the room and found how other students chatted easily with each other as well. He felt a bit left out and wondered if he should try joining in. The demon decided not to. He hadn't gotten the hang of this whole 'being human' thing and, as he continuously had to remind himself, he had to keep his words short. He could attempt more daring conversations when he had managed to make sense of the theory behind teenage speech and overall meat sack communication.

"Oh, Bill," Pine Tree said and snapped Bill out of his thoughts, "I…I was thinking we should get together soon to work on our bio project."

"Sure." He said nonchalantly.

"Do you want to meet up this weekend?" He asked.

"I can't." Bill said and pulled out the flyer Blondie had given him. "I'm going to this thing."

He placed the flyer on the table and Shooting Star took it. "Right, Paz is throwing another party." She mumbled.

"Except this one is just for seniors." The Monster noted. "Do you reckon we should go too?"

"Sure." Shooting Star shrugged, "Paz is always hilarious when she's drunk anyways."

"She does get very… _affectionate_." The Monster conceded. "But I'll go if you go."

"Awesome!" She exclaimed with a grin, "Dip?"

Pine Tree seemed hesitant.

* * *

*This is still not my opinion on mental illnesses such as anxiety. This is solely Bill's as someone who doesn't get it and care to get it. With that said, this is the last time I will leave this message to mark a separation between what my characters think and what I actually think.

* * *

**Option 1:**  "You should come."

**Option 2:**  say nothing.

**Option 3:**  "What do you mean she gets 'affectionate'?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **NOTE: Grenda being referred to as "the monster" is referencing the fan theory wherein, during the episode where Mabel had a slumber party, Grenda would have made out with Bill while doing her 7 minutes in heaven thing in the closet. The whole thing stems from cryptograms left within the episode as well as Bill's QA session of what feels like a year ago but probably isn't. So I'm not being mean, I'm making a wonderful joke and referencing a fan theory.**
> 
> **Grenda is my soulmate.**
> 
> **Just in case you were wondering "What the hell? How is this different from what would have happened had we chosen Mabel?" The answer is this: if the results had favoured Mabel, she would have shown Bill around school alone and there would have been lots of flirting and yadda yadda yadda. So by choosing Dipper, you guys also chose to have Mabel tag along but be much less prominent than she would have had option 3 been selected.**
> 
> **Just wanted to add that clarification.**
> 
> **Anyways, quick reminder YOU CAN HAVE BILL FUCK OTHER PEOPLE AND STILL END UP WITH THE CHARACTER YOU WANT!!! (In this case, you mostly seem to be wanting BillDip as end game) I'M TELLING YOU THIS BECAUSE I WANT TO WRITE SMUT DAMN IT, LET ME WRITE SMUT!**
> 
> **And that was as much as I will say on the matter U_U**
> 
> **Also, the list for people Bill can fuck has expanded: Dipper, Mabel, Pacifica, FORD, Candy, McGucket (yes, I am serious), and Grenda (yes, Grenda can be compelled to cheat on Marius).**
> 
> **SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER!!!**


	7. Let's Party Like Porn Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I'm sorry I haven't updated sooner. Things came up in regards to University and this thing had to wait. I can't promise the updates will be as frequent as they had once been, but this story isn't dead and that's all that matters! So on that note:**
> 
> **Last chapter's tally:**
> 
> **Option 1 : "You should come." - 21 (8 on AO3 and 13 on FFN)  
>  Option 2 : Nothing. - 4 (from AO3)  
> Option 3 : "What do you mean she gets 'affectionate'?" - 16 (11 on AO3 and 5 on FFN)**

A party was, potentially, a very strategic event. For one thing, humans, and particularly teenagers, held the event in high regards. It was something Bill didn't quite understand especially because most parties depicted on TV were thrown for no apparent reason. Regardless, in said social event, drama often took place. To his understanding, it was common place to ruin one's foes by embarrassing them publicly or getting them drunk enough to do something stupidly humiliating. It was the perfect plan for Bill to start making Shooting Star and Pine Tree's high school life absolute Hell. However, he needed both twins to attend the event and Pine Tree seemed hesitant, on the verge of declining.

"You should come." He said.

The Monster, Shooting Star, and Pine Tree's eyes fell upon him. Shooting Star flashed her brother a grin that seemed to have a sub-textual meaning Bill didn't understand. Pine Tree's cheeks reddened slightly but the colourful tint disappeared as soon as he shook his head.

"Come on, Dip!" Shooting Star encouraged, "It'll be fun!"

"It's our last year!" The Monster added, "You've got to let go and be  _wild_!"

Pine Tree's mouth snapped shut and he frowned. He sighed when he looked at Bill, "Fine." He said, defeated.

"Awesome!" Shooting Star cheered.

Bill forced himself to stay as impassive as possible, though he was very much pleased with the brunet's decision.

* * *

The rest of the week passed fairly quickly. Bill found himself spending a lot of time with the twins and their friends so as to gain their trust. As he had learned from Lucifer, it was much easier to destroy your enemy or to take advantage of someone by showing them kindness and warmth rather than being cruel and insane. The man was the master of Hell for a reason and Bill concluded his trick worked. By the time the party rolled around, he had become 'friends' with both Pine Tree and Shooting Star – though he was admittedly much 'closer' to Pine Tree. The two had the exact same schedule and so simply spent more time together.

The day of the party was now among them. Bill searched through Timothy's clothes for something to wear. He had binged a lot of TV series and skipped straight to the sections where the teenage protagonists went to parties. He absolutely needed to fit in. This party was both an opportunity for revenge as it was an opportunity to elevate himself in the social hierarchy of the school. He reckoned he had lost some serious points by associating himself with Pine Tree. He hadn't suffered too many consequences over it just yet, but that might have been because Timothy was widely accepted as someone attractive.

Bill would never understand why.

Regardless, the more he looked through Timothy's wardrobe, the more he found himself frustrated. It wasn't that the rich kid had nothing to wear more than it was that Bill didn't know what he should wear. He had watched a plethora of very educational shows, that was a given, but he didn't quite understand what consisted a 'fashionable' outfit. The last thing he wanted was to show up looking like a clown. He would surely lose many social points if he did. Bill had thus considered pulling on something generic, but he didn't exactly know  _what_  generic was. Had he bothered to purchase himself a cellphone he could have gotten Shooting Star or Blondie's numbers. Girls were apparently very talented in that department.

_Shooting Star…_  he mused.

Shooting Star typically wore very colourful pieces of clothes. She always managed to catch everyone's attention and Bill begrudgingly had to admit she was damn beautiful. Perhaps he should attempt to emanate her style in his choice of garb? It seemed like the best course of action to take. He shuffled through Timothy's clothes and found a large yellow sweater. Shooting Star wore sweaters. Bill took off his shirt and slipped it on. The inside was very soft and it kept him warm. He would definitely wear it more often. Lastly, he needed pants. Unfortunately, the colour of Timothy's pants were generally dark. If they weren't black then they were dark blue. He opted for a pair of black pants. When he looked himself over in a mirror he was satisfied but saddened. The colours he wore matched those of his triangular form.

Gosh, he missed being an omnipotent triangle.

With a heavy sigh, he pulled away and looked at the clock. It was almost ten and the party had started an hour ago. Bill supposed he was being 'fashionably late' – something that was also very important to do when attending a party. Timothy's body hadn't been fed yet so before leaving, he opted to munch of the least disgusting snack he had discovered: rice cakes. They almost tasted like nothing – just the way Bill liked his food. He ate three of them before judging the body had been fed enough. Then he called one of Timothy's chauffeurs and went to the Northwest mansion.

The place was booming with music that played so loudly Bill could hear it from the gate's entrance. Flashing lights of all colours shone through the windows and changed in time to the beat of the music. A trio of kids sat just by the front door with a cigarette the smelled rather strange and passed it amongst each other, giggling all the while. Bill grimaced at them before pushing past the front doors. The demon was taken aback by the burst of music that hit him. It was far too loud and he struggled to hear himself think.

A thick crowd of kids swarmed the inside of the house, all of whom held onto red plastic cups. Most of them stood in groups and talked whereas the rest danced and grinded on one another. Bill watched them curiously for a moment. If he remembered correctly, said mating dance typically led to a coupling session in either the nearest bedroom or bathroom. The process in question was rather sweaty and disgusting and Bill had the suspicion if reproduction wasn't a human primal need, none of them would engage in the activity. It seemed to be painful for them too – what with all the moaning and whimpering.

Bill managed to tear his gaze away and continued his venture through the crowded household. He didn't recognize most of the people he saw – in fact, he was fairly certain a lot of them didn't actually attend Gravity Falls High. On that note, he also struggled to find his targets. Pine Tree and Shooting Star were nowhere to be found. He couldn't even find Blondie. Rather than continue wandering aimlessly, Bill decided to head towards the kitchen. Apparently it was a place one needed to visit at some point to pick up an alcoholic beverage. It was customary for teenagers to consume liquor and get drunk, though Bill was fairly certain it wouldn't have any effect on him what with being a demon and all.

Regardless, he still went to the kitchen and there he found Blondie. He also found Shooting Star and consequently understood what the Monster had meant when she had said Blondie was rather 'affectionate' when intoxicated. She had Shooting Star pressed against the counter on which two dozen bottles of alcohol sat, and kissed her sloppily. Shooting Star seemed to be enjoying herself too or so he gathered from how she eagerly combed her fingers through the other's long blond hair. After what seemed like forever, the two finally broke apart with a gasp to breathe. Then they noticed Bill.

"Bill!" Blondie shouted and wore a dumb grin on her face. She approached him while throwing her arms in the air and giggling, "I thought you bailed! Come 'ere!"

He didn't really know what to do and so opted to stay still. It hadn't been the best of ideas. Blondie wrapped her arms around him and kissed him roughly. She pressed their lips together a bit too harshly and Bill went rigid. He had learned there was such a thing as being a 'bad kisser' which was very frowned upon. Seeing as he didn't know  _how_  to kiss, he decided doing nothing was the best solution.

"Hey!" Shooting Star protested when Blondie finally pulled away. Her words were very slurred and she struggled to stand upright properly, "I thought  _we_  were kissing!"

"Oh! We totally should!" Blondie laughed and pranced back to Shooting Star.

"Wait!" Shooting Star suddenly exclaimed, shoving her hands in front of her to keep Blondie from coming closer, "I want to kiss Bill too!"

Bill flinched. He wasn't sure he was up for it if it was going to be as uncomfortable as it had been when Blondie had kissed him.

"Oh, do it!" Blondie encouraged and shoved her hand in her pocket to fish out her phone, "I'll take pictures! It'll be great!"

"But I shouldn't!" Shooting Star whined and Bill contemplated fleeing, "Dipper has, like, the gayest crush on him! He would be  _so_  mad if I did!"

"Doesn't he have the gayest crush on all of his man-crushes?"

"I guess..."

"Then do it!"

"I shouldn't!" Shooting Star exclaimed, throwing her hands up overdramatically.

"Uhh…" Bill uttered, he wasn't sure what to do.

* * *

**Option 1:**  Ask for a drink.

**Option 2:**  Kiss Mabel.

**Option 3:**  Flee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Had Option 3 been the winner, the story would have been heading more blatantly towards Mabifica because Grenda would have shared the story of how Mabel and Pacifica made out for the better part of the last party she hosted. Dipper would have then neglected giving his answer on whether he would or wouldn't attend the party.**
> 
> **Had Option 2 been selected (as impossible as it was given the votes), Dipper would have declined from attending the party. Bill still would have gone to it so to those who thought "Oh, maybe Bill will skip the party and go hang out with Dipper" that was never an option ;P**


	8. Drunk Men Tell No Tales

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Last chapter's tallied votes:**
> 
> **Option 1: Ask for a drink - 9 votes (6 on AO3 and 3 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: Kiss Mabel - 4 votes (on FFN)  
> Option 3: Flee - 27 votes (15 on AO3 and 12 on FFN)**
> 
> **I will admit to having excluded one vote because I suspected they were an anon who voted twice. On that note, don't be an ass hole and just vote once. Whatever happens in this story is bound to be funny (hopefully) whether the option you wanted wins or not.**
> 
> **Last thing before I let you go, I wrote this entire chapter and then proof read it in my university's library. I feel nothing but shame.**
> 
> **ENJOY!!**

Bill's stare alternated between the many bottles of alcohol shoved onto the countertop, Shooting Star, and the door through which he first came. On one hand party protocol demanded he carry a beverage at all times in order to fit in. On the other, staying any longer might result in being assaulted by more kisses he wasn't sure he wanted. He worried his reputation would drop due to his lack of skill in said department. And yet he wasn't going to learn anything if he continued to run. Bill would find himself a partner but it would not be Shooting Star nor Blondie – not this time. He would call for a – what was it? "Prostitute"? –later and demand he or she show him how to kiss among many other things.

With that decision made, Bill flashed the two a smile before hastily slipping out of the kitchen. Shooting Star and Blondie protested audibly and might have chased after him, but, if they did, he lost them fairly quickly. The demon found himself weaving through the thick crowd of sweaty, intoxicated, teenagers once more. There were far too many people reunited all at once and some of them had groped him as he passed by. He supposed it was a good sign. It meant he was well liked.

As his time amongst the lust-filled meat sacks progressed, Bill failed to see a point in staying much longer. He had failed his one quest to find an alcoholic beverage and, though he had been groped a few times, he had failed to fit in. No one was speaking to him likely because he hadn't been able to get his hands on a red, plastic cup. However, the biggest issue was that he hadn't really thought of a way through which to get his revenge on the twins. Sure the shows on TV portrayed a party as the perfect lieu to destroy one's foes but they hardly ever explained how to go about it. The characters simply succeeded and someone always fell into a pool – and the Northwest mansion didn't seem to have said necessary pool. Timothy's mansion did. But the party was here not there.

_Freaking Timothy…_ Bill thought begrudgingly. It was always easier to blame his worryingly pale meat sack for anything that went wrong. It helped him feel better for the most part.

Bill sighed heavily. He couldn't even find Pine Tree who had said would actually attend. Perhaps he had been lying to please him. Bill would make him suffer when he ascended to Godhood if he did. It was one thing besting him once but twice was too much. The demon thus decided to call it a night and return home. He had learned a lot of things despite his first attempt at revenge's failure. Blondie got very affectionate and lustful when intoxicated, Shooting Star seemed as interested in men as she did women – homosexuality, or rather bisexuality, _did_ seem to be an issue in a lot of the shows he had seen, perhaps there was something he could use there – and teenagers enjoyed destroying their eardrums with impossibly loud music. His venture hadn't been completely for naught.

However, as Bill made his way to the front door, someone caught his arm. At first he was sure it was a man considering the hand's sheer size, but when he turned around, he found the Monster. Behind her was Glasses. Both were heavily intoxicated and could barely stand straight let alone keep their eyes open. Glasses's face was also flushed red and she didn't seem to be able to stop giggling.

"Oh my _God_!" The Monster squealed and forcefully pulled him into a bone crushing embrace, " _It's Bill!_ We were looking for you, hot stuff, but we couldn't find you."

Bill stiffly tried to pull himself out of her arms but found she was much stronger than she had any right to be. The Monster was truly a monster.

"Grenda, I think you are suffocating him." Glasses eventually remarked and she wasn't completely wrong.

"He just so _squishy_!" The Monster guffawed loudly in Bill's ears. "Hug him! See for yourself!"

She carried him to Glasses like he weighed no more than a feather. Bill was expecting her to shy away seeing as she was generally very quiet and reserved but alcohol had evidently worked a miracle. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him tightly, even managing to lift his feet from the ground briefly. Her embrace wasn't as painful as the Monster's either, which he was thankful for.

"Oh! You're right!" She exclaimed excitedly and then snuggled her face in his chest, "So squishy…"

"Haha…yeah…" Bill uttered awkwardly and gently pried himself from Glasses's arms. "Look…" he tried, "I need to go—"

"Candy!" The Monster exclaimed so abruptly it nearly gave the blond a heart attack, "Give me your phone! I'll take a picture!"

"Good idea!" Glasses agreed and fished the small pink device from her tight pants, "Then I can tell my ex that I have moved on to better things!"

She pulled Bill back into her arms roughly and pressed her head into his chest again. Bill simply stood and waited to be released. Apparently alcohol made a lot of people more affectionate; even those who were otherwise impossibly shy. The Monster took a few pictures and laughed loudly all the while.

"Oh my gosh, Candy!" She howled, "It looks like you two are dating!"

Unfortunately, someone passed by just as she uttered the last part of her sentence. The boy who had heard wore a cap and baggy clothes. His eyes widened in shock before he yelled: "Oh my god! Everyone! Candy Chiu and the new kid are banging!"

"What!? No—" Bill tried but his voice was drowned in the drunken cheers of those who had heard. Those same people quickly started chanting Glasses's name. She recoiled into herself bashfully and her face reddened all the more.

"You two are dating!?" The Monster exclaimed, "Candy! Why didn't you tell me!?"

"We're not—"

"I did not know either until now." Glasses admitted, "I have to say that I am very surprised but pleased. My ex will grovel in my new significant other's beauty."

"Oh my god." Bill said and rather than insist on the truth, he opted to leave.

The Monster and Glasses hollered things at him which he elected to ignore once having heard "boyfriend" mixed in the jumble of their slurred words. One thing TV had taught him was teenagers tended to lose their memories of whatever happened when they attended a party. It was a side effect to alcohol. When Bill drank it, he just got a nasty head ache the next day. Humans were so weak. Whatever falsity had been spread would quickly be forgotten. However, Bill wasn't keen on crossing the sea of drunken people who currently believed he was dating Glasses. He would find another way out.

As potentially embarrassing and socially damaging as the misunderstanding concerning Glasses could have been (dating shy girls, after all, was practically a sin according to the TV), it had also been very educational. For instances, Bill had learned drunk people could not be reasoned with, and easily believed whatever lie they heard. The last thing was something he could probably use to his advantage the next time he attended a party. Maybe he could feed lies to Pine Tree and Shooting Star to get either or both to embarrass themselves beyond repair. Yes, for the next party, Bill would take advantage of their drunken gullibility and begin ruining their senior year.

The demon weaved through the corridors of the Northwest mansion. Though it was evidently smaller than Timothy's, it was just as confusing and Bill quickly lost himself. What made matters worse was that there were no people for him to turn to for directions. However, he was fairly sure they would have been drunk and thus useless had someone been indeed present. And so he spent far too long trying to find his way around, stubbornly refusing to back track towards the party.

It was when Bill inexplicably found himself on the second floor despite not having climbed _any_ stairs that he forced himself to stop. He still refused to go through the party and thus had to consider his options. He could use a bit of magic. Surely he was strong enough to summon a way-maker to the nearest exit. However, before he could try, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him into the room in front of which he had been standing. The person tossed him onto the bed before closing the door. He didn't recognize the individual in question and so Bill assumed it was one of the many people that had sneaked into the festivities despite not having been invited. The man was drunk and grinned at him sluggishly.

"You're cute." He chuckled and Bill struggled to actually make sense of the word what with him being so drunk.

He was quick to understand the situation. The man wanted sex. Sex was, apparently, very important despite being, frankly, disgusting. Like kissing, it could make or break someone's social acceptability. The man in front of him was drunk. Drunk people tended to forget what happened the day after a party. Perhaps this insolent meat sack could be useful to him…

* * *

**Option 1** : Fuck.

**Option 2** : _Fuck him_. Beat the snot out of him with whatever magic you have. How _dare_ he manhandle you like that? (You're not _smol_! You're a demon! All should fear you! Who even is this punk!?)

**Option 3** : Question him. Perhaps he can feed you useful information on things concerning teenagers that still elude you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So this is just for some of you: CALM DOWN! Bill's not going to get raped or anything, take a chill pill, I don't write non-con. (especially not for this story which is meant to be humourous above all)**
> 
> **Good, now I will say, for this chapter, there are two "good" options and one "bad" option. I'm ready to bet all of my non existent money that the majority of you will select the "bad" option ;P**
> 
> **On that note, the last two things I want to say are: 1) "way-maker" is a reference to Skyrim where, if you're lost, you can use this way-maker spell to find your way, and 2) LET ME WRITE SMUT DAMN IT!**
> 
> **QUICK REMINDER: BILL CAN SCREW FIFTY THOUSAND PEOPLE AND THREE ALIENS AND STILL WIND UP IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE. EXAMPLE; BILL CAN SCREW PACIFICA AND MABEL AND STILL END UP DATING FORD EVEN THOUGH HE MIGHT HAVE NEVER SLEPT WITH HIM! OTHER EXAMPLE; BILL CAN SCREW PACIFICA AND MABEL AND CANDY AND STILL END UP DATING MABEL!**
> 
> **DO NOT BE AFRAID OF THE SMUT, MY CHILDREN!**
> 
> **That is all.**


	9. You've Made A Terrible Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WHY MUST YOU ALL FEAR THE PORN? NOT ONLY THAT BUT YOU'VE CHOSEN THE BAD DECISION!**
> 
> **Last chapter's tally:**
> 
> **Option 1: Fuck. - 14 votes (11 on AO3 and 3 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: Fuck him. Seriously, beat the shit out of him. - 26 votes (12 on AO3 and 14 on FFN)  
> Option 3: Question him about the things that still elude you. - 17 votes (5 on AO3 and 12 on FFN)**

As tempting as the possibility of understanding more to what still eluded Bill in regards to teenagers and humans alike was, he couldn't let the insolent meat sack's actions pass. He had been thrown around all night by drunken people and this man's actions was the final straw. The demon could deal with Blondie, Shooting Star, and heck, even the Monster and Glasses, but the insignificant mutated monkey that stood in front of him was simply too much. He had dared to lay a finger on him without his slightest consent. Did he not know who he was? Of course not, but that was beside the point. Bill was an all-powerful demon and would one day be God of this dimension. Manhandling a God-to-be was blasphemy. He had no intensions of being benevolent, not after the frustrating events he had so recently been subjected to.

The demon clenched his fists and glared at the drunken meat sack as he approached sluggishly, tripping over his own two feet and nearly falling face first on the polished floor. Pathetic. His eyes quickly flickered to the door and back to the man who was attempting to stabilise himself by spreading his arms out to find his center of gravity. Using his power, as little of it as there was, was a dangerous idea. If someone saw him and told either of the Pines Twins, his cover would be blown and all of his plans would crumble to ashes. Fortunately, the door was closed and there was no one aside from the drunken fool of a man who would likely forget everything come the morning. Bill grinned viciously. He had been itching to return to his evil roots for a while now.

The blond jumped off the bed and his smile widened. The meat sack must have gotten the wrong impression because he smiled back and opened his arms; it made it easier for Bill to topple him over. He hooked his foot around his ankle and pulled as he pushed against his chest. The man fell stiffly to the ground with a scowl on his face. It made the demon feel all tingly inside. Gosh, he loved enacting violence. The idiotic flesh bag then made the mistake of rolling onto his stomach to push himself up; it was the perfect position for Bill to nail a solid blow to his face so he did. There was a sickening crunch and blood poured from his broken nose instantly. The man howled and clutched at his bleeding face, scurrying away to the other side of the room.

Bill had never felt so happy.

The man managed to find his way to his feet slowly. He leaned against a small wooden table on which sat a few vases just beneath an elaborate painting of what must have been a Northwest ancestor. Bill raised his hand and concentrated on his magic. All he managed to muster was a ball of pure energy that fit in his palm. It wasn't much and it wouldn't kill the insolent creature – not that he wanted to, yet – but it would certainly hurt. He tossed it, aiming for the man's chest, and just as he was doing so the door to the room opened. Bill's eyes widened upon seeing that the person that had walked in on them was Pine Tree.

There was nothing he could do. The ball of energy left his hand and hit its target dead on, pushing the meat sack back against the furniture with such force that he broke through it. The drunk stranger laid on the debris unconscious from the blow. Bill froze in position and simply stared at Pine Tree. He had used the last of his magic for that day on his final attack and, had he still had some juice in his reservoir, it wouldn't have been nearly enough to alter the brunet's memories. He shouldn't have used his magic. He shouldn't have assumed everything would be fine because the door was shut. He shouldn't have concluded no one would walk in. He shouldn't have done so many things and now he was paying a dire price. If contorting his face weirdly to the point of making people turn red or having shouted upon seeing Sixer hadn't been a giveaway, then his blatant use of magic had.

Bill could feel his plans crumble to dust. However, he refused to abandon all hope just yet. Perhaps Pine Tree was drunk – lord knew everyone else was. Drunk people were gullible and yet impossible to reason with. He could lie to him. And if he couldn't convince Pine Tree he had imagined what he thought he saw, then he would likely forget by the morrow, right?

"What…what did you do?" Pine Tree asked in awe, shifting his gaze between the man with the bleeding face and Bill.

"I…it's not what it looks like!" He was quick to exclaim.

Pine Tree frowned and took a step into the room, "Really? Because it looks like you just beat the crap out of this guy with magic." He stated firmly.

"What? You're crazy!" Bill laughed stiffly, "And clearly drunk—"

"I haven't had even the slightest sip of alcohol since I arrived." Pine Tree informed and crossed his arms over his chest. "What the hell is going on?"

So Pine Tree  _wasn't_  drunk. Bill forced himself to remain calm but his mind was racing. There had to be a way he could still salvage this, right?

"I-I he pulled me into the room and threw me on the bed!" Bill stated just as the other man groaned, steadily returning to consciousness, "It was all in self-defence!"

Pine Tree glanced at the man and looked him over suspiciously. He couldn't tell if he actually believed him or not but he wasn't calling Bill a liar. The man's eyes thus fluttered open and he was pretty dazed from both the brunt of the impact and the alcohol in his system. He slowly touched the blood dripping down his face and brought his finger tips to his eyes.

"What…what happened…?" He mumbled and examined the blood, "Am I…am I bleeding?"

Pine Tree looked at Bill before turning his attention back to the man. "Yes." He answered as he walked over and helped him up.

"Whoa…" The man muttered in astonishment, "I am  _messed up!_ "

"Yes, you are." Pine Tree agreed and helped him towards the door, "You're also bleeding everywhere and Pacifica won't appreciate that. Go clean yourself up."

"Okey-dokey." The man grinned and stumbled down the hall.

Pine Tree watched him go before turning back to Bill. His gaze was strict and demanding, the severity of it had him jolting in surprise.

"So maybe this  _was_  self-defence." Pine Tree conceded, "You still used magic. What the hell are you?"

Bill pinched his lips together and glared at the ground. Pine Tree wasn't drunk; he couldn't be convinced that what he saw was false. He was smart. How long until he put the pieces together and realised who Bill truly was? He had to think of something quickly to stop that from happening. There was still a way to fix this stupid mistake – there had to be. He wasn't going to give up and accept that he would not only never be God of this dimension but also never get his revenge on both Pine Tree and Shooting Star.

And suddenly, he was hit with an idea.

" _Bill_." Pine Tree said sternly, demanding an answer.

If he was at full power and able to do so, Bill likely would have decimated him for having utilised such a tone.

"Alright, fine." Bill sighed and raised his hands defensively, "I'll tell you the truth just…just close the door and lock it."

Pine Tree looked him over suspiciously. He hesitated for a moment before doing as he was told while Bill back tracked to the bed and sat down. For a moment, there was only silence and they stared at each other. Pine Tree impatiently tapped his foot on the ground while the demon strategically stalled. The given silence was detrimental for his lie's succession. It made him appear realer –  _more human_.

"I'm waiting." Pine Tree eventually reminded.

"Okay, sorry, it's just…I don't know if I can trust you…" Bill admitted and lowered his head pathetically.

That was good of him, right? Convincing?

" _You_  don't know if you can trust  _me_?" Pine Tree derided and the demon winced a bit at the words – all for show, of course, "You're the one who beat a guy with  _magic_!"

"You're Si—Stanford Pines's nephew!" Bill retorted heatedly, balling his fists.

"What does he have to do with anything?" The brunet demanded, "Do you even know him?"

"I've…I've only heard rumours…" Bill admitted and clenched his teeth. Now he had to pick from his memories carefully to make the next part of his lie all the more realistic without outing himself on the off chance Pine Tree ran back to Sixer to tell him everything.

"What do you mean?" Pine Tree asked, nearly glaring, "Stop being vague!"

"Okay, okay…here's the truth…" he took a deep breath before proceeding, "I'm not… _normal_."

"Yeah, no kidding." The other scoffed.

"Are you going to let me speak or not?" Bill all but snapped and Pine Tree shut up. His surprised expression was pleasing to behold, "I'm a wizard."

"Shut up." Pine Tree dead panned.

"I am! It's true!" Bill insisted, "If you're really Stanford Pines's nephew, then you know about the supernatural – the things that other people think are nothing more than make-believe! Well,  _I'm_  a wizard. I'm from an ancient line too."

Pine Tree lowered his arms to his sides and squinted at Bill. The latter had to keep from grinning because his reaction informed that the lie was working marvellously.

"Bill isn't my real name either." He continued, "It's actually Timothy Smith."

There was another mistake that was fixed. Now, if Pine Tree ever doubted his story and decided to research him, he would likely find things in regards to the plane crash that killed Timothy's parents and left him in a coma until very recently. The tragedies of rich white families always made the news.

"Why are you calling yourself 'Bill'?" Pine Tree asked.

"I panicked because I hadn't thought of a good cover name." Bill admitted and that might have been one of the only truthful things he had uttered to Pine Tree in the course of this conversation.

"But why do you even  _need_  a cover name?" He probed.

"Can I trust you?" Bill asked seriously. It took a moment before Pine Tree nodded slowly in affirmation, "My family was murdered. I think Stanford Pines did it."

Pine Tree took a step back and couldn't hold in the gasp that left his lips. He was evidently shocked and Bill had been expecting no other reaction. Pine Tree looked up to Sixer in the most sickeningly adorable of ways. By all means, Sixer was something akin to the greatest of deities in his eyes. Learning that his hero – his  _God_  – could have murdered a family of wizards was world shattering. Even if it was a lie. Wizards didn't even exist. Bill just convinced a human back in ancient Greece that they were a thing just for fun. He had used a different word too; one that loosely translated to "dunce" from his mother tongue. Regardless, Pine Tree wasn't going to believe what he had said so easily.

"Why…why do you think that?" He stammered anxiously.

"It's like I said, I only heard rumours." Bill reiterated, "But, apparently, he killed multiple creatures deemed 'evil' without provocation."

"That's a lie!" Pine Tree objected, "Grunkle Ford would never do that! Studying the supernatural is his life!"

"Ask him about the sirens, wendigos, and werewolves he encountered!" Bill bit back, "He killed so many of them! They fear him!  _We_  fear him!"

That statement was actually very true. He had been the one to teach Sixer how to dispose of them efficiently too.

"But – but those things are dangerous!" Pine Tree defended.

"Why? Because he told you so?" Bill snarled and Pine Tree's expression fell.  _Good_. "Let me ask you this, are humans dangerous?"

"No – well, yes…I mean, it depends." He mumbled, frustrated.

"Under the right circumstances anything is dangerous." Bill said and Pine Tree indicated that he agreed, "It's no different for sirens, wendigos, and werewolves."

"But…why would he kill a family of wizards?" The brunet asked, his tone defeated.

"I don't know, but it's why I came here." Bill stated, "Though I might not get the opportunity now that you know my secret."

In a sense, he had been truthful. The blonde's secret wasn't that he actually was a wizard but, if Pine Tree did retreat to Sixer to tell him everything, the latter would likely put the pieces together. He had never been particularly good at hiding things from that six-fingered nerd, not since his initial betrayal. So now was the moment of truth. Were things about to get more complicated or would Pine Tree let himself be convinced by the hasty lie he had conjured?

"Okay." He said instead and turned towards the door.

A pang of worry hit Bill just as he unlocked the door. What was he doing? Where was he going? Was he really not going to reply to his last comment? Were they really just going to stop there?

"Wait!"

* * *

**Option 1** : "What are you doing?"

**Option 2** : "Can I trust you to keep my secret?"

**Option 3** : nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Y'all should have just let Bill have sex with a stranger.**
> 
> **On that note, THERE IS ANOTHER BAD OPTION THAT CAN BE SELECTED THIS CHAPTER! If it's selected, I'm pretty sure this story will be stuck ending and I won't have had the option to write any smut! DX**
> 
> **"But Anonymonimus," I hear you asking, "Why are you including these options if you not only don't want the story to end but also want to include smut?"**
> 
> **BECAUSE IT'S PART OF THE FUN AND I DO WHAT I WANT!**
> 
> **So we're basically done with the party for now and we'll be jumping back into school life no matter which option is chosen for the next chapter. With that said, I wanted to run you all through the things that could have happened had you all chosen the proper options.**
> 
> **HAD BILL ASKED FOR A DRINK: He would have gotten drunk and found his way to the dance floor with the option of dancing with either Mabel (and friends), Pacifica, and Dipper (who would have been sober). Whatever decision that could have chosen could have potentially resulted in Bill having sex with any of them.**
> 
> **HAD BILL KISSED MABEL: Pacifica would have taken pictures which she would have then posted to social medias instantly. However, she would have gotten jealous and left to pout while Bill would have been dragged to the dance floor. Dipper would have found them and jealously left whereas Bill would have gotten the options to "kiss", "keep dancing" or "go somewhere more private" with Mabel (the last option obviously leading to sex). This would have also permitted for Dipper x Pacifica to flourish.**
> 
> **HAD BILL HAD SEX WITH THE STRANGER: He would have learned certain things about gay sex (necessity of stretching, using lube generously, how pleasurable stimulating the prostate is, etc) and would have been walked in on by Dipper. This would have led to tension and jealous!Dipper who would perceive Bill from then on as a bit of a whore (and he wouldn't be totally wrong because Bill would have discovered that sex wasn't as disgusting and not-pleasurable as he thought it was, thus craving more of it).**
> 
> **HAD BILL ASKED THE STRANGER FOR SOME CLARIFICATIONS: He would have learned certain things about gay sex among many other things such as kissing, dating, and what the fuck blushing is (thus understanding that people weren't off-put by his smiling skills like he thought they were). The stranger would have also started sobbing, recalling his previous relationship and regrets and Bill would have found himself comforting the man awkwardly just as Dipper would have walked in. Their relationship wouldn't have been affected.**
> 
> **Had Bill actually had sex with anyone (drunk or not), he would have been the only one to remember come the morning (unless it had been with Dipper seeing as the latter was the only potential partner that wasn't intoxicated). This would have permitted him to gain experience points and do a better job next time if he ever found himself having sex with the same partner again.**
> 
> **IMPORTANT NOTE: The decision made has really affected Dipper's perspective of Bill and also started pushing Bill towards a more destructive path. On that note, Dipper is weary of Bill and it will likely take him more time before he's ready/wants to have sex with him. So good job. ALSO, Bill getting closer to Ford will now be more complicated because, so as to keep face with the lie, he will be forced to be cold and distant.**


	10. The TV Is A Traitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I'm not saying whether you all chose one of the good options or not. All I'm saying is that I would be complaining if it was the bad one.**
> 
> **Last chapter's tally of votes:**
> 
> **Option 1: What are you doing? - 11 votes (8 on AO3 and 3 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: Can I trust you with my secret? - 27 votes (11 on AO3 and 16 on FFN)  
> Option 3: nothing. - 5 votes (3 on AO3 and 2 on FFN)**
> 
> **ENJOY!**

Pine Tree wouldn't even look at him. The most eye contact they had shared had been upon arriving at school; when Bill was walking through the crowded hall ways, heading for his ancient history course. He had stumbled upon the brunet with his sister at their lockers. Shooting Star had grinned widely and sent him a wave whereas Pine Tree had looked away almost as soon as their eyes met. Bill gave an awkward smile – though he had spent the rest of the weekend following the party practicing, he was still having trouble mastering what should have otherwise been a simple gesture. Her face turned inexplicably red and the demon just opted to move on. He went to class and sat at his typical seat in the far back. A part of him was expecting Pine Tree to come sit next to him but when the brunet walked into class; he took the seat nearest the front door.

The weekend had been a restless one for Bill since that incident back at the party. He had passed the days waiting tensely for the other shoe to drop. He hadn't known if each passing day where nothing happened meant that Pine Tree had kept his mouth shut or that he and the others were plotting against him. He had elected to think that no news was good news, but it didn't make him feel any less nervous. To make matters worse, Timothy's annoying body had been impossibly jittery. He had felt as though he was trembling but every time the demon looked down to verify, he had found his limbs perfectly still. The feeling had persevered no matter what he did and kept him from sleeping properly at night.

Bill felt terrible and suffered a nasty headache which had likely stemmed from his sleep deprivation. He leaned against his desk chair with his arms folded neatly against his chest as he watched the teacher scribble things on the chalk board and walk around the front of the class. His eye lids felt heavy and at some point he had to force himself not to blink because he could hardly muster the strength to keep himself from falling asleep. The demon tried to focus on what she was saying. She was discussing the ancient society of Sumer found in southern Mesopotamia. She walked about Babylonia and King Hammurabi who Bill remembered to be a far too serious guy for his liking. Seriously, it was like he had had a stick up his ass. Needless to say, Bill hadn't spent too much time with him after he had created his code – he had just gotten too boring for his tastes. As he indulged in the memories of a long bygone time, Bill accidentally dozed off to sleep. The only thing that brought him back to the realm of the conscious was the piercing bell that marked the end of class. He jolted awake violently and nearly toppled out of his chair.

"Is everything alright, Mister Smith?" The teacher asked, raising a curious eyebrow.

"U-uh…yeah, sorry." He mumbled sheepishly in response and noticed Pine Tree peeking in his direction before leaving.

With a heavy sigh, he stood and walked out of the class, heading to biology. He looked for Pine Tree amidst the sea of students heading to their next class, but couldn't find him. Maybe he should talk to him? He hesitated to do so. That party's outcome had been less than favourable. Upon having asked Pine Tree whether or not he could be trusted with his secret, the brunet had pinched his lips together and bolted out of the room without providing an answer. For all he knew, his true identity was still in danger of being unraveled. A part of him had feared being ambushed by the Pines at school and he had taken a long time to consider whether he should attend come Monday or not. In the end, he decided to go seeing as the area was too public and significantly safer than Timothy's mansion. The building had multiple cameras and a plethora of students frolicking around. If the Pines tried anything, someone would see and report them to the police. Hopefully.

Bill thus walked into class and headed for the seat he typically took in the far back. Pine Tree had already arrived and was sitting next to Glasses. The latter paused upon seeing him walk into the room and shifter her gaze to the ground as her face turned red. It was suspicious behaviour seeing as Bill hadn't smiled or anything – not to mention Pine Tree was sitting next to her. What had he told her? Rather than question him, he sat himself down and sighed heavily as more students poured in. he hadn't been sitting still for more than a minute when he noticed Glasses rise from her seat and walk to him. She stopped just next to him and stood awkwardly for a moment, her face practically glowing.

"Uh…" Bill uttered shortly.

"I-I would like to apologize to you, Bill." She said and lowered her head, "My actions at the party were… _inappropriate_."

"Do you…" Bill started slowly, shocked by the insinuation of her words, "Do you remember…?"

Could some humans actually remember things that had taken place when they had been drunk once they were sober? Had the TV gotten something wrong? If it did, he would need to stop basing himself on what it was spouting. One Tree Hill had seemed like such a credible source too…

"Not…most of it." Glasses admitted, "The pictures Grenda took are what helped me remember some of it…"

"Oh." Bill said and he was somewhat relieved. He made a mental note of that fact. If he were ever to get away with something in the presence of drunk people, he had to make sure there was no evidence left behind that could job their memories the following day.

"Anyways, I am very sorry." Glasses apologized, "I did not mean to make you uncomfortable."

"It's…it's fine." Bill lied and forced a smile. Honestly, he wanted to her never to touch him again but Pine Tree was watching and such harsh words might tip him off in regards to his true nature. He had to be normal and human which meant being kind and forgiving.

How dreadful.

Glasses seemed surprised by his response all the same. "You are so forgiving…" She said in awe and smiled back, "Thank you."

Then she retreated back to her seat just as Blondie and her squad walked in. they laughed loudly as the girl with the electric blue hair finished her story. From what he could hear, they seemed to be recalling some drunken things they had done during the party. If they had no pictures to explain how they managed to remember such events, Bill was for sure going to have to find a new source of information – One Tree Hill and Days of Our Lives be damned! They stood amidst the desks at the center of the classroom for a moment to finish up their conversation. Then, Blondie retreated to the back and took a seat next to Bill.

"So," She said and grinned at him, " _Someone_  was a bit of a player at the party."

"What are you talking about?" He asked – he literally had no idea what she was alluding to.

"Well, first you kissed me," Blondie enumerated, and Bill wanted to correct said fact because  _she_  had been the one to kiss  _him_ ; not the other way around, "Then you apparently got  _busy_  with Candy – or so everyone says, and finally some drunk guy with a bleeding face was saying he had sex with you before someone else came in and kicked him out, presumably for some more 'fun'."

Bill groaned and slapped a hand over his face. The TV was a lie. He should have known better. He knew there was something that seemed impossibly unrealistic about Lucas and Nathan Scott. Nonetheless, drunk people, as it seemed,  _could_  remember the shenanigans they had been up to in their inebriated state.

"Ha! So it's true!" Blondie exclaimed with an excited laugh before shoving his shoulder playfully, " _You dog!_ "

"No, it's not!" Bill sighed in annoyance. He didn't need rumours to circulate around without his control. It could seriously damage his position in the school's social hierarchy and he already didn't have the best reputation considering his association to Pine Tree. "I mean, the only truth there was in what you said was that  _you_  kissed  _me_  and that I was in a room with two different people."

"Alone?"

"Yeah."

Should he mention the second person was Pine Tree? Bearing in mind Pine Tree did fall in the category of 'nerd' – Blondie's words – perhaps it was best not to say anything.

"Oh? And nothing happened?" Blondie teased.

"Nothing happened." Bill affirmed and he thought back on how he had beaten up the drunken meat sack that had first pulled him into the room. "Nothing at all."

He opted not to mention how he had been the one to beat said intoxicated fool into submission as well. Violence was mostly frowned upon in human society.

"Hm, I guess I believe that the Candy thing isn't real." Blondie mused, "I mean, you two were only hugging in those Instagram pictures."

_Instagram_? Bill wondered. Another word he would have to research. Curse those teenagers and their strange lingo.

"But I don't buy that you didn't do anything with either of those guys." Blondie challenged with a wide grin.

"Why?" Bill frowned.

"Because  _look_  at you." Blondie said and gestured him up and down with her hands. "No way could either of them have kept their hands off you!"

"But they're guys…" Bill said.

Seeing as what he had learned from the TV was likely false, there was a strong chance homosexuality wasn't as big of a deal as he thought it was. Heck, as far as he knew it, it might easily be accepted by society. He would have to pour more research into that.

"So you're straight, then?" Blondie asked.

What a strange question. Bill didn't understand what she was asking at all. He supposed he was straight enough for a freakishly pale and bony meat sack, but he was currently sitting down. His given position wasn't particularly straight. Why did his posture even matter anyways? What did it have to do with what they had been speaking about?

"I mean, I guess not…" He answered awkwardly.

"Oh, so you're in that grey zone." She concluded and Bill was utterly lost, "Or questioning."

What in the  _hell_  was she talking about?

Before he could ask, McGucket walked in and ushered everyone to be quiet. He was late as per usual; the bell ringing as soon as he stepped into the class. He hurriedly threw his briefcase on his desk and turned on the projector to begin the first lesson. They continued from where they had left off last week; discussing the reproductive system of cells and the compositions of DNA. The students were taught about the transmissions of physical characteristics – which were most common, which were not, and why. Bill hardly listened. Excluding the computer programming class he was taking, biology was his easiest course. He hardly had to be present and sometimes he had half a mind to skip the class entirely and frolic elsewhere – however, he opted to follow one of his targets instead. Not that he could get close to Pine Tree considering how the party had ended. Perhaps he shouldn't have accused Sixer of murder.

When the class ended, signalling the start of lunch, Pine Tree was one of the first students out of the door. Bill sighed heavily as he watched him go. He really had to think of something to do concerning the kid. He needed to know if he had reason to fear his false-secret identity would be exposed or not. And yet, what if speaking to Pine Tree made things worse? Should he really risk it?

"So you want to hang out today?" Blondie asked as they left the class together. "It's pretty nice outside, we can go out to eat. My treat."

Bill didn't see a reason not to. Pine Tree clearly wanted nothing to do with him at the moment so it wasn't like he could go eat lunch with him like he always had the previous week. He was just about to accept the offer when he bumped into someone as he walked out the classroom's door, hitting his forehead pretty hard against what felt like a nose. He winced and reached to rub the sore spot, looking up to find none other than Pine Tree cradling his aching nose with both hands.

"Timo – Bill…" He said seriously, "I need to talk with you."

* * *

  **Option 1:**  Go with Dipper.

**Option 2:**  Go with Pacifica.

**Option 3:**  Go with neither.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Next chapter I'll explain which option between Op 1 and 3 was the bad one and why. Anyways, that's all I want to say on that note because I don't want to accidentally push you towards an option by revealing anymore on that matter.**
> 
> **I only have one last thing to say: VOTERS! IF YOU COMMENT SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF "Well gee, either option x or y, just not z" YOUR VOTE WILL NOT COUNT. THIS IS THE FINAL TIME I WILL SAY IT TO ANYONE. YOUR VOTE WILL BE DISCARDED AND YOU WILL HAVE NO EFFECT ON WHAT DECISION WILL BE TAKEN FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER.**


	11. It Was ONE FUCKING MISTAKE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT WARNING CONCERNING THE STORY: Ditching Pacifica will start having negative repercussions if it is done too many times. The same thing is applicable for Mabel (though will not happen as quickly considering she hasn't had many opportunities to hang out with Bill). You are all on the road of making another mistake! As a reviewer said: "You don't want the popular girl on your bad side"!**
> 
> **On that note, last chapter's tally:**
> 
> **Option 1: Go with Pine Tree - 43 votes (24 on AO3 and 19 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: Go with Blondie - 13 votes (6 on AO3 and 7 on FFN)  
> Option 3: Go with neither - 4 votes (2 on AO3 and 2 on FFN)**
> 
> **ENJOY!**

"You need to learn how to share, Dipper." Blondie teased.

"This is serious, Pacifica."

Bill glanced between Pine Tree and Blondie. He felt as though he should listen to what the former had to say but following him seemed unwise. It could easily be a trap. What if he had told the others? What if his plan was to get Bill isolated and jump him? Perhaps speaking privately with him wasn't the best of ideas – at least, not until he was sure it was safe to do so. The last thing he wanted was to find himself trapped in some sort of prison concocted by Sixer until the end of time or banished back to his crumbling dimension. No, the best thing to do was to stay with Blondie. She had offered to buy him food too and Timothy's stomach was starting to growl annoyingly with need. Three rice cakes in the morning wasn't cutting it anymore. Bill would have to increase the quantity of food he ingested.

Five rice cakes.

Yes, that seemed reasonable.

With all of that settled, he took a deep breath and contemplated his words. He was going to decline Pine Tree's request but he had to do so kindly. The last thing he wanted was to irritate the kid and goad him into doing something out of anger. If he also truly believed he was human despite being a wizard, a polite decline was the proper response. However, Bill hardly got the chance to open his mouth and utter a single sound before Blondie beat him to it. She was frowning and looking Pine Tree over suspiciously before turning her gaze to the demon, assessing. She was smarter than she looked and she likely picked up on the tension between them.

"What's up?"

"It's private." Pine Tree insisted.

"We were just about to leave to grab something to eat." Blondie stated and Bill was just about to agree and decline Pine Tree's offer but the latter spoke before he got the chance.

"It won't take long." He said, "I just need a minute."

"I don't mind waiting a bit." Blondie said, "Especially if it's as serious as you're making it seem."

"Thanks." Pine Tree said and grabbed the demon by the wrist, "I'll bring him back shortly."

Blondie watched them go, folding her arms over her chest and huffing a sigh. Bill let himself be dragged through the crowded halls which were steadily emptying as students left to the two designated eating areas. He had no intention of following Pine Tree to somewhere private, especially when the nature of his actions was questionable. Bill didn't fancy being imprisoned or banished and so he forced the brunet to stop, promptly yanking himself free. He seemed surprised and puzzled whereas the other struggled to find something human to say. Humans feared. Maybe he should voice his worry…

"I don't…" He started and paused, "I don't know if I can trust you…"

Pine Tree looked around and eyed a trio of seventh graders as they stalked by, chatting animatedly. "We shouldn't speak about this here." He said and reached for Bill but he backed away. Pine Tree frowned, "Come with me."

"Why?" Bill demanded. "How do I know you won't deliver me to Stanford Pines?"

Pine Tree bit at his lower lip pensively. "I promise I won't." He said.

"Words only mean so much." Bill frowned; it wasn't good enough, "I could say I promise not to blast a hole through your face and still do it the moment you let your guard down."

Not that he actually could, of course. He could barely create a ball of pure energy with the capacity of knocking down a man – and just that drained him of his day's supply of magic. Regardless, the brunet stiffened. He now seemed weary of Bill. Maybe he shouldn't have provided an example depicting the violence of which he was capable. He needed to appear normal and human so perhaps he should tone down his bubbling lust for pain and destruction. Ever since he had beaten that drunk guy though, he had had an insatiable itch. It was hard to control himself sometimes.

"I…I didn't mean I _would_ do it…" He mumbled and lowered his gaze to the ground, "I was just…giving an example…"

"Look, we can't talk about this here, in the middle of a hall." Pine Tree stated, "I'm willing to trust that you won't kill me so can you trust I won't betray you?"

Bill hesitated. Pine Tree was probably under the impression Bill was much stronger than he actually was. If that was the case, then it meant he was being honest when he said he trusted him because he would also believe that he didn't stand a chance against him. "Okay…" He sighed and followed him.

They went to some isolated corner on the northern side of the school. There was a staircase hardly anyone ever used with a set of doors leading to the soccer field located at the top of a hill. For added precaution, they stepped beyond the doors, closing them with care and briefly checking their surroundings to make sure they were alone. They didn't worry if the scarce student decided to pass by on their way to the second floor – they wouldn't be overheard because the doors were thick and the most he or she would hear would be the muffled sound of their voice. It really was the perfect spot for a conversation and what made Bill feel safe was that there was a security camera pointed right at them. If Pine Tree had lied and attempted to kidnap him, someone would see and hopefully, help would come before it was too late.

"So what did you want?" Bill asked and leaned against the brick wall by the doors.

Pine Tree sighed deeply. It took a moment before he started speaking, like he had been looking for his words. "I…I thought about what you told me a lot over the weekend." He admitted slowly, "I deliberated telling Ford for a long time and came very close to doing it yesterday but…but I didn't."

"Why…?" Bill asked nervously. A part of him wasn't sure whether to believe him or not.

"Honestly…I don't know." He said, "Family means a lot to me. I've been through so much with my sister and my great uncles, to have Ford be accused of murder it…it made me upset. At first I was really angry and I didn't believe your story for a second, but then I did research." He looked at Bill with sympathy in his eyes as he continued, "I found clippings of small articles discussing what happened to your family – about the plane crash. I'm sorry for your loss." Bill said nothing. What was one supposed to say to that? He hadn't the foggiest and it wasn't as though he actually cared. "I read everything I could find and suddenly…I knew you had told me the truth. So I believe you, _Timothy_."

Bill was impossibly glad he had decided to go in such a direction with his lie. However, he wasn't fond being referred to as 'Timothy'. It was an ugly name. "Don't call me Timothy; I don't want you getting used to it. Use my cover name instead." Bill said and Pine Tree nodded, "And why would you think I would lie about all of that? It's not something you joke about…"

The demon wasn't actually sure about that. _He_ would have joked about it – he already was, in a way – but humans had a dull sense of humour.

"I'm sorry…" Pine Tree apologized again, "It was dumb of me to think that for even a second."

"It's okay…" Bill sighed and forced a smile, "You believe me now and that's all that matters."

And that was true.

"You can trust me." Pine Tree affirmed with conviction, "I won't spoil your secret identity."

"Good." He said, more relax than he had been since the party. "Thank you."

"But…" Pine Tree added and the demon started to feel nervous again, "I don't believe my Grunkle Ford murdered your family." Bill's heart dropped, "And I want to help you discover who really did it to prove his innocence."

Bill steeled his expression. He hoped his face hadn't betrayed how he was screaming internally. He hadn't foreseen such an outcome. He had been too preoccupied with Pine Tree possibly relating the events of the party to Sixer to think of what would happen if he decided to keep his mouth shut. _Of course_ Pine Tree would want to prove his innocence. _God damn it_. Timothy and his parents weren't Wizards. Wizards didn't even exist. How the hell was he supposed to maintain such a charade? He was practically doomed to fail! He should have picked something he could actually have pretended to be. None of this would have happened had Bill learned to control himself. He shouldn't have beat that drunken meat sack – the guy could have probably been useful too. Curse his violent tendencies!

"You don't…you don't have to." Bill tried pointlessly, "I can do it by myself."

"I'm sure you can but I want to help." He insisted, "Please, I need to do this. Grunkle Ford's a great guy! I can prove it if you'll just let me! And…" his tone dropped, it became less animated by vivid emotions, "and you don't _have_ to go through all of this alone. I want to help you find justice too."

Bill hesitated as he mentally smacked himself. He made _one_ stupid mistake and he was really paying the price for it now. "Okay…" He conceded begrudgingly.

"Great!" Pine Tree exclaimed and smiled triumphantly. His eyes were practically sparkling. "What do you need me to do?"

This was going to be absolute hell.

"Prove Stanford Pines is innocent." He said, "Provide a list of alternative culprits."

"I'm going to need to access the police and coroner's reports." Pine Tree nodded, "I need to see what they wrote. Maybe those documents can provide some clues. Can you get them for me?"

"I'll…I'll see what I can do." Bill said and tried to keep his frustration hidden.

Well this was _fantastic_. Bill now found himself in a terribly compromising situation. Wizards didn't exist and so he would have to fabricate convincing lore in their regard so as to effectively fool Pine Tree. He had to keep him from finding out the truth. The latter seemed to intend waiting for the reports he requested before proceeding with his investigation. At least that was _one_ good thing. Bill could stall as much as he liked which would give him the time to invent credible information about Wizards. He was sure he could successfully accomplish said task within a week.

"Um, so…" Pine Tree stammered, "Are we…are we good?"

Bill looked him over before shrugging. "Sure."

"Good, I'm glad." He smiled and the look in his eyes reminded the demon of something Shooting Star had said during the party. Something about a gay crush.

"Why…why do you even want to help me?" He asked.

"To…prove my uncle is innocent." Pine Tree hesitated and Bill took notice of that.

"If that were the only reason, you wouldn't have offered to help me find the real murderer." Bill stated, "All you really would have to do to prove your uncle is innocent is to provide an alibi. But you want to do more. You want to find an alternative culprit. Chasing and stopping the murderer will be dangerous and life threatening too. Why would you do all of that?"

Pine Tree's face went red and the demon suddenly worried he had said something he shouldn't have. He really needed to understand the reason why humans did that. It wasn't like he had attempted smiling that time.

"I guess…I guess I kind of…like you." He said and that last part was almost uttered in a whisper. He winced and seemed to be waiting for something bad to happen.

Was Bill supposed to be mad or something? Wasn't it good when someone said they liked you – especially when the whole point was to dupe them? However, the realization of what Pine Tree's confession implied struck him abruptly and now the demon was troubled.

"Does that mean we're… _friends_?" He worried and tried to mask the horror in his voice.

"If you want to be." Pine Tree replied awkwardly.

The last thing the demon wanted was to be friends with one of his intended targets. And yet, being friends would mean the opportunity to get closer to Pine Tree and, by extension, Shooting Star. He could potentially destroy them from the inside. Perhaps being 'friends' with Pine Tree wasn't such a bad idea.

"Okay." He said and tried to smile as best as he could.

Pine Tree's face reddened all the more and he stopped immediately. He really had to find out what he was doing wrong.

"I'm glad." Pine Tree said, "But we should really get you back to Pacifica now."

* * *

**Option 1:** "Okay." (Hang out with Blondie)

**Option 2:** "No thanks, I think I want to be alone."

**Option 3** : "Want to hang out instead?" (Ditch Blondie for Pine Tree)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So you guys DIDN'T make the bad decision back at the party when choosing "Can I trust you with my secret?", the other good choice was "What are you doing?" and so the bad choice was saying nothing. The reason option 3 was the bad one was because speaking was going to make Dipper think. It was going to force him to really think about what telling Ford such an "important secret" (I put that between quotes because it's also a lie lol) could mean. Speaking was the only thing that would have pushed Dipper to actually research what Bill had said, thus "confirming" the story.**
> 
> **However, is speaking always going to be a good decision when Bill gets in trouble and needs to find a way out? Probably not. Will you know when he should or shouldn't speak? Probably not. Just concentrate on the decision currently at hand, geez!**
> 
> **Now, if you'll all excuse me, I need to run to my TA before his office hours finish.**


	12. Kisses from the Misses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **For those wondering why this fic hasn't updated in a while: I'm in my finals week and I have 2 exams left (21 and 22 of december fml) so I've been ~~playing Undertale~~ studying**
> 
> **I'm going to admit I wasn't particularly pleased with the results of last chapter. No one is really to blame but myself. The reason I'm not happy was because I felt as though I had manipulated all of you into choosing a specific option and that doesn't do justice to the point of this story. That being said, I also did need to give a warning seeing as none of you knew that each option you make has consequences. So I'm going to make a quick list of things you need to know.**
> 
> **WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT DECISION MAKING:  
>  \- If you choose to have Bill neglect or ignore a character 3 times, they will become a sort of enemy/rival.  
> \- If you choose to have Bill ditch a date during a date, they will immediately fall out of favour with him  
> \- If you choose to have Bill not learn more things about humans (whether it be by observation or practice), you're increasing the possibility of mistakes to be made  
> \- Conversely, if you choose to have Bill learn more things about humans (whether it be by observation or practice), you're increasing the possibility of getting away with certain things (ex: lying to someone OR cheating on someone)  
> \- If you choose to have Bill be mean too often, he will venture down a destructive path where he ends up with no one**
> 
> **On that note, here's last chapter's tally (I stopped counting the votes at some point, btw):**
> 
> **Option 1: Go with Blondie - around 52 votes (32 on AO3 and 20 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: Go with neither - 2 votes (1 on AO3 and 1 on FFN)  
> Option 3: Ditch Blondie and go with Pine Tree - 5 votes (3 on AO3 and 2 on FFN)**
> 
> **IMPORTANT NOTE: I will no longer be giving a heads up if a bad decision can be made. You'll have to deduce whether something bad can come of the options presented or if they're all fine yourself.**

Blondie was waiting by the biology classroom where they had left her. Her posture expressed her impatience and annoyance. She was texting on her phone mindlessly and didn't spot Bill or Pine Tree until the two were standing in front of her. She jolted back in surprise and bore an astonished expression upon finally noticing them.

"Oh wow, I didn't think you would actually come back." She admitted sheepishly. "You two were gone for so long."

"Yeah, sorry." Pine Tree said and offered a smile.

"Is everything sorted out?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Y-yeah." Pine Tree stuttered nervously. Then he turned to Bill, "Anyways, I'm going to go, but, uh, you want to meet up Sunday? You know, to work on the project."

"You're such a nerd." Blondie laughed.

Bill now found himself in a difficult position. He had been on the verge of accepting the proposition until Blondie had made such a comment. Being a nerd was a bad thing and he didn't want to be perceived as one. However, he was now 'friends' with Pine Tree and that meant he had certain obligations to him, such as standing up for him and whatnot. That being said, he really didn't want to.

_God damn it_.

"It's better to get rid of the project now so as to have time for other things later." Pine Tree pointed out. She simply rolled her eyes and scoffed at that and before Bill could say anything, the brunet continued with: "Anyways, see you after lunch."

Bill responded with a meek smile and an awkward wave. They watched Pine Tree disappear around the corner of the hallway before turning their attention away. The demon had no idea if he and Pine Tree were meant to meet up Sunday to work on the project or not; the answer having been left ambiguous and up to interpretation. He supposed he could ask him during their next class. Regardless, Blondie looped her arm around his and grinned from ear to ear as she excitedly rested her head on his shoulder. Bill was taken aback by the gesture, unsure how to react, and so opted to stay still.

"So…" he mumbled stiffly.

"Any place in particular where you want to eat?" Blondie asked and began leading the way out of the school.

"I don't really know what's around…" Bill said and he hoped it wasn't too strange of a thing to admit.

"Hun, well, what kind of foods do you like then?" Blondie asked instead, "I'll tell you if there's a place nearby where we can find what you like."

"Um…" Bill started nervously; he had no idea what to tell her. He only ever ate rice cakes because they were generally the only thing he could stomach. Everything else was just disgusting. The textures were strange, the flavours were too prominent and often didn't mix well, and most meals were nauseatingly greasy. "Uh…I'm not a fan of greasy food…" he decided.

"Same." She smirked, "That's fantastic though, I finally have someone I can bring to that vegetarian place I like. You up for it?"

Bill had yet to try eating plants. Maybe they tasted better than meat and bread.

"Sure." He shrugged.

They left school grounds and weaved their way through a few residential streets before coming upon a market place. It had been a short ten minute walk which left them ample time to sit and enjoy food in the vegetarian joint Blondie liked. The place was mostly empty. Aside from them, there was one other person seated at a table just next to the large windows with a portable computer. They ordered their food, Bill copying Blondie's choice seeing as he didn't know what anything was, and the two sat in the empty half of the room for a bit more privacy – not that the person with the computer was paying attention to them. They mindlessly typed away at their computer as though the rest of the world didn't matter.

"You owe me one now." Blondie grinned as she freed her utensils from their plastic encasing.

The demon sighed deeply, feeling stupid for having found himself in someone's debt. He should have known such a thing would occur. He had become rather careless and, frankly, stupid ever since he had entered Timothy's body. Maybe Timothy's body was dumbing him down to the primitive level of human intellect. That would be most terrible. Bill would need to look into it.

"Don't look so glum!" Blondie laughed, "I didn't ask you to commit a murder or anything!"

_To be fair_ , Bill thought because he would never really speak his thoughts aloud,  _You didn't ask anything. You imposed it._

"What do I owe you then?" He asked and he hoped it was doable.

"A—" She started but then stopped as a thought seemed to strike her. She smiled slyly, "A date."

The demon sighed in relief. That was  _very_  doable. "Sure." He agreed.

Blondie, however, seemed surprised by his answer. Her eyes widened and her face went red. Bill frowned. He hadn't smiled this time either and someone's face had gone red. He was starting to get annoyed with not understanding what that meant. "Your face is red." He pointed out, hoping for an answer in regards to the phenomenon.

Blondie seemed flustered and covered her face with her hands, "Don't tell me that!" she snapped but her tone didn't convey anger as much as it did embarrassment.

"Why not?"

"Because people don't like knowing when they're blushing!" She stated.

So  _that's_  what it was called. "But why are you blushing?" he asked, leaning forward in an attempt to inspect her face through the cracks of her fingers.

Blondie pushed his face back abruptly, nearly tipping him out of his chair in the process. "J-just eat your food!" she commanded and turned her attention to the plastic container in front of her.

He would need to research the nature of blushes later.

Bill eyed his salad suspiciously and hesitated to try it. It was a Greek salad and the ingredients were strange to say the least. He wasn't too sure about the lumps of cheese and the black olives. Blondie dug in eagerly and seemed to enjoy her food. He reckoned she probably had good taste seeing as the salad wasn't drenched in grease. So the demon tried the salad and found himself pleasantly surprised. The flavours weren't particularly prominent, he only really tasted the dressing which was unexpectedly good. The cheese's texture was also fine though he wasn't crazy about the black olives. That being said, he found they were more tolerable separately. Timothy's body also seemed to react positively to the ingestion of such a meal and Bill thus decided he would eat more of this Greek salad from then on.

"So," Blondie started in between bites, "What were you and Dipper talking about?"

"Hm?" Bill responded with a mouthful. He swallowed before he continued, "Nothing."

"It didn't seem like nothing." She muttered and poked at her salad.

"It was…dumb." Bill said, "Just a small misunderstanding that had to be cleared up."

Blondie didn't seem satisfied with the answer but she left it at that. "Tell me about yourself." She said instead, pushing her salad aside to favour a conversation. It made Bill more nervous. He still wasn't confident with his bantering skills. "We haven't had much of a chance to get to know each other; where are you from?"

The demon tried to remember where he had first found himself when he woke up in Timothy's body. He had been on the other side of the country but when he had been released from the hospital, he found out Timothy had multiple homes not only around the country but around the world. What was an adequate answer?

"I'm from the East coast." He said.

"Thought so, what with your accent." Blondie nodded approvingly. "Why did you move to Gravity Falls? Especially for your senior year, I mean, you're rich too so why didn't you go to, I don't know, Europe or something?"

"How did you know I was wealthy?" Bill asked, surprised by the accurate deduction.

"You show up to school every day in a limousine." Blondie snorted, "That's not particularly subtle if you were trying to keep it on the down low."

_Well_.

"Anyways, answer my question!" she insisted.

The real answer was that Bill came back to Gravity Falls with the intent to get revenge on Pine Tree and Shooting Star for having trapped him in such a terrible human body. He wished to ruin their senior year as it was, apparently, the most important year of High School to a lot of teenagers because it was all he could muster in his weakened state. He would have arranged to kill them had he been stronger and not stuck in Timothy. If he tried to kill them now, he would get caught and thrown in jail without so much of a chance to escape. But he wasn't about to tell Blondie any of that. Bill might had been clueless to most things considered normal by humans, but he knew that you didn't confess to considering murder to one.

Murder was frowned upon.

Unfortunately.

"Uh, I guess it was because…I needed a fresh start." He lied.

Blondie seemed pleased with the answer. "Ooh, how mysterious!" She chuckled excitedly, "Are you going to tell me what problems you're running from or am I going to be stuck pestering you for details?"

Bill considered telling her Timothy's parents died in a plane crash, however he kept his mouth shut. He hadn't completely fleshed out the story with Pine Tree nor established with himself what the story he was going with was, so it was best to say nothing. He didn't want to accidentally say something stupid that could potentially ruin everything or worsen his situation. Regardless, Blondie didn't need to know. He wasn't even sure she was aware of the supernatural in the first place so claiming he was a Wizard could definitely lead to losing points in the high school social hierarchy.

"Maybe I'll tell you one day." He said and she smiled widely.

"Then I'll wait."

They finished their food and began making their way back to the high school. Bill was admittedly still hungry for more Greek salad but wasn't about to tell Blondie as he didn't want to owe her a second thing. One date was more than enough. He would need to research proper date etiquette once he got the chance. The last thing he wanted was to muck everything up and be labelled a 'loser'. His reputation didn't need to suffer more than it already did from his poor decision of having associated himself with Pine Tree.

They got back just in time to hear the warning bell, signalling the end of lunch and the ten minute cushion before the start of afternoon classes. They ventured into the halls and Bill noticed how a lot of people gave them double takes. He wondered if there was something strange about the way Blondie latched onto his arm. He personally didn't mind. She was pleasantly warm.

"What class do you have?" Blondie asked, her breath tickling his neck.

Now things were starting to get uncomfortable.

"U-uh…cooking, I think." Bill stuttered uneasily.

"You cook?"

"No, we've only been learning theory so far." Bill said, "Apparently we're supposed to make something this Friday."

"You'll have to let me taste." She grinned.

Blondie had been rather… _smiley_  the whole time they had spent together.

"Will do…" He said and forced out a soft laugh.

She then released her hold on his arm and moved to stand in front of him. They stood in the middle of the hallway with a multitude of students passing by. For a moment, they did nothing but stare at each other and it was starting to make Bill gradually more uncomfortable. He felt like he was meant to do something but he didn't know what. Blondie rolled her eyes and leaned forward, pressing her lips to his cheeks chastely just as Pine Tree appeared from behind a sea of people that suddenly scattered. Their eyes met and Bill's mouth fell open, like he wanted to say something, but Pine Tree turned away and disappeared. He seemed a bit upset.

"Are you doing anything Saturday?" Blondie asked, snapping his attention back to her.

"Uhh…"

* * *

**Option 1:**  "No. Why?"

**Option 2:**  "Yes, actually. Independent research."

**Option 3:**  "I was just going to wander around town."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **BTW, I drew[Timothy/Bill](http://anonymonimuss.tumblr.com/post/134685863083/ive-been-wanting-to-draw-this-for-a-while-but) and [everyone else](http://anonymonimuss.tumblr.com/post/134816413913/i-drew-dipper-mabel-and-pacifica-from-my-fic) if they want to see how I interpret them in this story! :D**
> 
> **On a final note: PLEASE DON'T POST SHIP HATE, HOLY CRAP.**
> 
> **I don't care if you mean it as a joke, I won't accept it and those who persist will be blocked. If anonymous reviews come in with ship hate I will disable them. So don't be an ass hole and keep your negative and hateful opinioons to yourself!**


	13. Baking Mishaps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Well, Christ.**
> 
> **I've been away for a while. I can go on a tangent in regards to why I haven't updated since basically a month but I don't really feel like it. Just know a lot of things came up and I got buried in work, "responsibilities", and the whole shebang. Anyhow! I'm back now with a new chapter! The subsequent chapter should also be up in roughly 3 days, give or take (you know, voting and whatever).**
> 
> **So last chapter's tally was:**
> 
> **Option 1: "No, why?" - 10 votes (3 on AO3 and 7 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: "Yes, actually. Independent research." - 25 votes (12 on AO3 and 13 on FFN)  
> Option 3: "I was just going to wander around town." - 22 votes (10 on AO3 and 12 on FFN)**
> 
> **NOTE: The numbers are a bit off because I stopped counting at one point but the outcome remains the same. Option 2 won over Option 3.**
> 
> **_MORE IMPORTANT NOTE WORTH READING:_ The consequences of having chosen Option 2 will not be displayed in this chapter but rather chapter 14 (and possibly 15). As such, the option to be selected this chapter may have consequences in chapter 14 or in a later chapter.**
> 
> **It'll all make sense eventually, I promise.**
> 
> **Anyhow, ENJOY!**

Bill had told Blondie that yes, he was actually busy over the course of the weekend. Saturday he planned to do independent research while Sunday was the day he and Pine Tree were meant to meet to begin work on their science project. With that said, they parted ways. Bill noted Blondie seemed a bit disappointed by his answer though she did seem understanding. The week thus took a strange turn when he got to his next class. He sat next to Pine Tree as he always did. The latter typically instigated a conversation except he had neglected to do so this particular time. As peculiar as it was, Bill decided to brush it off and take the initiative for once. However, Pine Tree seemed strangely distant and short. It was like he was upset. The demon made no mention of it though he did immediately begin to recall anything and everything he had done around the brunet that might have troubled him. And yet he found nothing.

He reckoned there was the kiss Blondie had given him just before he left for class, but he didn't understand why that would be cause for problem. In the end, the demon decided that perhaps Pine Tree was suffering from one of those teenage mood swings he kept hearing so much about. He was probably just upset for the sake of being upset and, by the end of the week, he would be back to his normal self.

Or so he thought.

What actually ended up happening was that Pine Tree simply grew more distant. He still hung around Bill but he didn't speak as much and he didn't make much of an effort to maintain a conversation. He always got worse whenever Blondie popped by for a chat or simply decided to hang out with them during lunch. By Friday, the demon was beginning to think the brunet might not have just been suffering from some random mood swing. The only reason he could have for being such a stick in the mud for so long was if the demon had actually upset him. If this were any other situation, he wouldn't have cared. The whole point of what he was doing was to ruin Pine Tree and Shooting Star's senior high school year. However, he hadn't yet concocted the perfect plan on how to do just that.

Getting close to Pine Tree had been a good first step. Initially bonding with him had allowed for him to create a sort of base to get involved with Shooting Star if he so desired. It also meant he could more easily exploit any weaknesses he noticed. That being said, the current state of their relationship was reversing any and all progress he had made. Bill needed to remedy the situation.

The opportunity presented itself in the midst of their cooking class. Tad, ever the sap, was going off on a tangent concerning the last time he baked something with his boyfriend and how fantastic it had all been before everything exploded. His science boyfriend had felt the intense need to apply some crazy chemistry to their task – having forgotten that what he wanted to add would create a small explosion due to the included baking soda. When Tad finally finished his story, he began organizing the class for their cooking challenge.

"We're going to be making something simple today," He started as he walked around his desk and paced at the front, "The point is for you all to get familiar with the equipment we've been studying. Once you've all gotten comfortable with the tools we will be using during the course of the semester, I'll start teaching you some techniques. That being said, today we'll be making chocolate chip cookies."

Excited chatter began to sound across the room. Bill didn't understand what the fuss was about. He tried chocolate chip cookies and frankly thought they were disgusting. The chocolate chips were the worst part. They had been molded by so much sugar and compounds in a vain attempt to accentuate the rare positive aspects of their flavour that they just wound up tasting like chemicals.

"I gather you've all at least made those from scratch before so it shouldn't be too difficult of a task." Tad continued as he gestured for the students to quiet down, "The step by step recipe is at page 18 of your manual. I suggest you follow it if only to know how the machines we'll be using work. Whether you end up doing it or not is up to you; you're practically adults and I don't feel the need to nag you for not heeding my advice. Now, you'll all be paired into groups of two. Choose your partner wisely as they will be your partner for every other cooking assignment with the exception of those necessitating bigger groups."

Bill only had a small opening to seize his chance. The moment Tad dismissed them, he immediately asked Shooting Star to be his partner. She, the Monster, and Pine Tree all seemed surprised by his somewhat desperate request, but the former was soon grinning from ear to ear while her burly friend hooted and hollered. Pine Tree seemed bitter in regards to the decision he made, but Bill had no choice. He couldn't just _ask_ Pine Tree what his deal was. He had to ask someone close to him instead. In this case, it meant his sister. Thus Bill and Mabel separated themselves from Pine Tree and the Monster and stationed themselves at a different table on which to work.

"I'll get the ingredients we need." Shooting Star said as she pulled out the manual to look at the list of required items.

Bill glanced at the front of the class where the ingredients had been piled. The area was swamped by students. "You should wait for them to clear up a bit." He advised, "Unless you plan on beating your way through the herd."

Shooting Star glanced at the front contemplatively. "Good idea." She said and took a seat on one of the two stools. "Honestly," she continued after a moment, "I was kind of surprised you wanted to team up with me. I was sure you were going to choose Dipper."

"I mean..." Bill began a bit flustered; he wasn't sure how to broach the subject, "You look like you know how to cook..."

"So you wanted an easy grade?" Shooting Star grinned. "Can't blame you, I'm sort of a master at this stuff. Just you see, we'll make the best chocolate chip cookies _ever_."

Bill was taken aback by her blatant enthusiasm. "I'm sure..." He forced out with a smile.

Shooting Star blushed and averted her gaze.

"But...um..." Bill clumsily continued after a beat of silence, "Is...uh, is your brother mad or something?"

Shooting Star's eyes fell back onto him and she seemed to be examining him for a moment. "You didn't want an easy grade." She concluded quickly, "You wanted information."

"A...an easy grade's a bonus." Bill offered with a guilty smile.

Shooting Star laughed. He was glad to see she wasn't offended by his ulterior motives. "So were _you_ the one who ticked him off?" She asked.

"No – well, I don't think so." Bill admitted and glanced down. "Was I...?"

"Truthfully, he wouldn't tell me when I asked." Shooting Star said, "All he kept saying was that he wasn't mad even if it was an obvious lie. However, he got significantly touchier on the topic when I asked if it had something to do with you."

Bill was a bit worried. Had he accidentally screwed everything up? If he had, he supposed it wasn't too terrible of a loss. His proximity to Pine Tree had permitted him to get acquainted with Shooting Star. If he had to start all over again, he could do so with her. The only other worry he held in regards to the lie he had told Pine Tree. It could easily screw him over if he didn't play his cards right. That being said, the situation hadn't seemed to have escalated to a failure just yet. There was still a chance for Bill to fix whatever he had done wrong.

"By the way," Shooting Star continued, "I heard rumours that you've getting pretty chummy with Pacifica."

Ah, _rumours_. The little stories that could easily destroy a person, whether they were complete lies or not.

"I guess..." Bill replied loosely.

"People saw you on a date with her earlier this week." She insisted.

"Oh, no. The date's not until later." Bill replied thoughtlessly. "I don't exactly know _when_ nor _where_." He sighed and muttered to himself; "Do I even have to plan it or is she going to take care of it...?"

_Where do you even take someone like her?_ He wondered. _I mean, the mundane things I've seen on TV would probably bore her as much as they would bore me…something worth researching this Saturday, I suppose._

When he snapped out of his thoughts and looked over at Shooting Star, she seemed a bit stunned by what he had said. Bill wasn't sure why. Maybe she was impressed? Blondie _was_ the popular girl after all. She was at the top of the school's social hierarchy.

"What?"

"Nothing." Shooting Star lied and shook her head, "I just...I just didn't know you and Pacifica were so close."

"We're not." Bill said, he wasn't sure where she got that impression. By definition, he was closer to Pine Tree than her as he had spent more time with him. "We just went out to eat once. And then she asked for a date – or rather _imposed_ one."

Shooting Star seemed confused. "So...you don't have feelings for her?"

"She's nice." Bill conceded, _Easy to lie to_ , he also thought, "But she's kind of... _grabby_."

Shooting Star chuckled a bit, "Don't I know it." She hummed.

"Oh yeah," Bill suddenly remembered, "You two were making o—"

Shooting Star suddenly reached over and slapped her hand over his mouth to stop him. Bill was taken back by her audacity and couldn't help but think of her abrupt gesture as rude. That being said, he was rather perplexed by the pink shade her entire face had unexpectedly taken. He had never seen a blush like that before.

" _Don't_." She whispered lowly before slowly removing her hand.

"Why?" Bill asked, "I thought everyone knew."

They hadn't been in a very secluded nor private place when he caught them kissing.

"Dipper, Candy and Grenda know." Shooting Star corrected, "And you, but that's about it. I don't want it getting out."

"Why?" Bill asked again.

"Because it's embarrassing." Shooting Star groaned and hit her face on the table's surface, "I don't want people getting the wrong idea either. It's just something we do when we're drunk. It doesn't _mean_ anything."

Bill mentally took note of that. He had already considered ruining Shooting Star's senior high school year that way. However, telling people would likely have repercussions against Blondie as well. He would have to decide whether it was something he really wanted to share and, if it was, he would have to choose the most opportune moment to do so.

"Hey." Tad called from behind them. Neither had been expecting him and they both jolted up in surprise. He stood akimbo with an unimpressed expression on his face. "You two can chat later. Get to work. Making cookies isn't the most terrible thing you have to do in high school."

"Sorry, Mister Strange." Shooting Star said meekly.

He smiled and stalked off to help other students. Bill glanced around the room, not having noticed until then how everyone was already working on their own batches. He spotted Pine Tree at the table they had been seated earlier. He had chosen the Monster as his partner and their cookie making task seemed to be... _chaotic_. He was covered in flour and seemed rather exasperated. The Monster, on the other hand, seemed very pleased. Typical. She was truly a beast through and through.

"Come on," Shooting Star said and beckoned him to follow her, "Let's get our ingredients."

She read from their manual and Bill picked up the items she named accordingly. There was flour, baking powder, white and brown sugar, chocolate chips, butter, eggs, and vanilla extract. Before returning to their station, Shooting Star grabbed the measuring cups and spoons they would need as well as two plastic bowls.

"So, to recapitulate," Bill instigated upon placing the ingredients in his arms on the table, "You don't know why your brother's upset but you're pretty sure it has to do with something I did."

"Bingo." Shooting Star confirmed as she skimmed through the written instructions, "Uh, not that you actually _did_ something wrong though," she added quickly, "maybe it's something that he just has to come to terms with."

"What do you mean?" Bill frowned; he didn't understand.

"Like..." She began and paused, likely to think of an example, "it's like if you have a crush on someone but you find out they're gay...or heck, this scenario also works if they're not gay but you are. Anyways, they didn't do anything wrong, it's just you have to come to terms with how you can't be together because they're not interested in your gender."

"Are you trying to say Pi-Dipper's upset that I'm not gay?" Bill asked.

"What? No! Well - wait, you're not?" Shooting Star babbled and gave him a perplexed look. "Paz said you were questioning."

"I am." Bill replied and grimaced in confusion. He had literally been asking her questions for most of their conversation.

Shooting Star seemed just as confused as he was, maybe more so. "I...this is starting to hurt my brain." She groaned and rubbed her temples.

"I – just tell me what I have to do to make things better." Bill practically snapped in frustration.

Shooting Star was slightly taken aback by his suddenly sharp tone. "Well...there are three ways you can go about this..."

* * *

**Option 1** : Wait for him to come to you.

**Option 2** : Confront him.

**Option 3** : Pretend there is no problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I wanted to include more Mabel so I did :D I was sort of just picturing her during her short Pacifica-kiss-session-conversation being all like:**
> 
> And I will forever be laughing at that.
> 
> Anywhore, your future options will determine whether Mabel's reaction to Bill and Pacifica's future date was because she has a crush on Bill, she has a crush on Pacifica, or because she was being sympathetic to her brother who we know has a gay crush on Bill (chapter 7).


	14. Man of the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I told you I would post the next update shortly! BOOM! Voilà!**
> 
> **In this chapter, chapter 12's decision comes into play! Can I just say I'm so fucking happy that you chose for Bill to do "independent research"? Because I am! Had you guys chosen something else, I don't think what is going to happen in this chapter could have happened.**
> 
> **Anyways, last chapter's tally was:**
> 
> **Option 1: Wait for him to come to you - 4 votes (2 on AO3 and 2 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: Confront him - 26 votes (13 on AO3 and 13 on FFN)  
> Option 3: Pretend there is no problem - 2 votes (on FFN)**
> 
> **ENJOY!**

"You can wait for him to come to you, confront him, or pretend like nothing's wrong." Shooting Star listed as she opened the bag of flour.

"Which option is the best?" Bill asked.

"That's a matter of perspective." She replied with a light smile, "It also depends on the situation and the person."

"Well…what kind of person is Dipper?" Bill asked. He was starting to get annoyed with all the questions he continuously had to hammer out. Couldn't she just tell him what to do?

"You think you would know what with all the time you spend together." Shooting Star commented.

Perhaps she had a point. Bill should know the answer to that question on his own by now, and yet…

"It's not like we've taken the time to hang out outside of school." He pointed out, "Sure all my classes are with him, but we only ever talk about school and what we're learning. He never talks about himself."

"Unfortunately for you, Dipper's the type of guy who could easily react badly to all the options." She chuckled a bit, undoubtedly enjoying Bill's predicament. "If you wait for him when he doesn't want to be waited on, he'll get upset. Then he might never come to you. If you confront him when he doesn't want to be confronted, he'll get defensive and snappy; like he did with me. Finally, if you pretend nothing's wrong, he might get offended and mad at you for an entirely different reason."

Bill groaned and slumped down on the stool at his table. Dealing with Pine Tree was more troublesome than he ever thought. Hadn't the TV stated _women_ were typically the most difficult of the two? Granted, the demon had recently uncovered that most of the things portrayed on TV were nothing more than fiction, but it had still gotten some stuff right. Honestly, he should have tried getting in with Shooting Star first. She seemed much easier to deal with than Pine Tree, especially at the moment. He had a feeling he could easily talk to her and even if he was being an ass hole, as counterproductive as that would be, she would probably still try to be understanding and passive. He couldn't say the same for Pine Tree.

"If I were you…" Shooting Star continued, but Bill tuned her out.

Bill wasn't exactly the patient type. When he wanted something, he liked to get it immediately. Sometimes, a wait was unavoidable – like when he wanted Sixer to build an inter-dimensional portal – but this wasn't the same type of situation. From what little the demon had gathered over the course of his two weeks at school, he easily deduced humans – _teenagers_ , were complicated and dramatic creatures. Maybe it was because they were coming into adulthood and were beginning to ask themselves existential questions. Maybe they were just trying to figure out who they were, why they were there, and what their role in society was meant to be. Regardless of what it was, Bill didn't care. He didn't have time to play to their sensibilities because he wasn't entirely sure he was still immortal. If he had unfortunately become mortal, there was no telling how long Timothy's dumb body had left before it gave out. He didn't care what the others said, hot or not, the guy was sickly pale and that wasn't normal.

Stupid Timothy.

With that in mind, Bill decided the first option of waiting just wasn't going to cut it. He wanted results now. With that said, the third option seemed to be a more viable one. He could ignore the problem and force his and Pine Tree's relationship to stay the same. However, it was as he had stated before, teenagers were complicated and dramatic creatures. Obsessively ignoring the tension could lead to more problems in the long run and it was simply better to just face everything head on. The demon would undoubtedly not have the patience to deal with more dumb shit down the line anyway.

"…so yeah. Those were just my thoughts." Shooting Star concluded, "I hoped they helped."

"I'm going to confront him." Bill declared and stoof from his chair.

Shooting Star gawked at him, "Wait! Were you not listening to me!?" She called after him as he left.

Bill didn't grace her with an answer. He doubted she would like hearing that she had been ignored. His focus was on Pine Tree. The brunet was still covered in flour but batter had also been added unto his person. He was wiping it off while glaring at the Monster who guffawed too loudly as she cradled her stomach. As amusing as it was to see one of his intended targets so frustrated and miserable, Bill had to focus. He stomped all the way to Pine Tree and stood firmly in front of him with his arms akimbo. Pine Tree seemed surprised to see him.

"We need to talk." Bill demanded.

"Uh, we're kind of in the middle of something…" Pine Tree mumbled meekly and glanced at the mess on his table.

"I don't care." Bill declared and grabbed him by the wrist. He dragged the brunet out of his seat and out of the class despite his protesting.

"Hang on, you two!" Tad intervened, stopping them both at the door, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to help Dipper get cleaned up." Bill answered stiffly.

"Aww, that's so nice of you." Tad cooed like he had just found a basket of kittens.

Bill flashed him a tense smile before tugging Pine Tree out of the class. He started down the corridor for a moment, so caught up in his annoyance in regards to the situation to realise he had no idea where he was going. When it dawned on him, Bill steadily slowed down.

"What are you doing?" Pine Tree frowned.

"I…I…" Bill started shamefully, "I don't know where the nearest bathroom is…"

"Well, it's fine." Pine Tree shrugged, "I know I'm a mess but I don't actually need to clean up."

"Look at yourself." Bill sneered and scooped some of the batter from his cheek, "You're worse than you think."

The demon stared at the batter on his finger for a moment. He wondered what it tasted like and decided to indulge in his curiosity by bringing his index to his mouth. His face scrunched up reflexively once the flavours assaulted his tongue. The taste was indescribably horrendous.

"What—" Bill coughed. He wanted to rip out his tongue.

"We mixed up the white sugar and salt." Pine Tree explained with an amused smile. _How dare he_. "Grenda is one heck of a partner. Anyway, we should get back to class."

"No." Bill insisted and crossed his arms over his chest. "I want to talk."

"About what?" Pine Tree asked. He tried to sound slick and nonchalant, but it was painfully obvious that he knew exactly what topic Bill wanted to broach.

"Why are you mad at me?" The blond asked blatantly.

"I'm not—"

"I talked with Sho – Mabel and she said you were." Bill stated.

Pine Tree frowned. "I told her I wasn't mad." He insisted tensely.

"If you're not mad, why are you acting like a jackass?" Bill snapped.

"I'm not." Pine Tree replied quietly.

"Then why are you acting so differently?" Bill pestered, "You've been short with me for most of the week. Sometimes, you won't even look at me, and I don't know what I did wrong."

Pine Tree flinched and veered his gaze to the ground. He seemed guilty. Rightfully so, Bill thought. He was glad to see he was finally getting his point across. It meant he could start progressing with the situation. He was thankful for that as well because, for a moment, it seemed like things were getting drastically worse.

"So you _are_ mad at me." Bill concluded more calmly and gently tilted his head to the side.

"I'm not." Pine Tree insisted and Bill wanted to punch him in the face.

"Liar." Bill frowned, "This all started when Pacifi—"

"Don't." Pine Tree interrupted softly.

"Don't what?" The demon asked.

"Just don't." Pine Tree sighed.

Bill was now exasperated. "Look, I just want to know why you're so mad at me—"

"I'm not mad at you, really." Pine Tree interjected, "I'm just…" He trailed off and scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "I'm just being stupid, I guess."

"Why?" Bill persisted.

"I…well, I don't want to talk about it." He admitted.

"Why not?" Bill probed. "If it's something I did—"

"It's not, it's me." Pine Tree stated. "I just…you'd think I was disgusting if I told you…"

"No, I wouldn't." Bill said. _I mean, I already think all you meat sacks are kind of gross anyways_ , he thought. "I told you my secret, why can't you tell me yours?"

Pine Tree smiled and chuckled softly. "I guess when you put it like that, I owe you." He said, "After all, it wasn't like I gave you a choice."

Bill gave a timid smile and waited. They stood in silence for a moment before Pine Tree spoke. His face suddenly went red and he wasted no time in hiding it in his hands.

"No, never mind! I can't do it!" He declared.

"What? Come on!" Bill whined.

"I'm sorry, but I can't!" Pine Tree apologised, "I promise I'll tell you one day, just not now! I won't act like a jackass anymore either!"

"You swear on your life?" Bill demanded.

"Yes." Pine Tree answered in a heartbeat.

"I'll hold you to it, then." The demon stated.

They went to the bathroom and Pine Tree cleaned off most of the flour and cookie batter on his own. Then they returned to class and their respective groups. Shooting Star wanted details on how his confrontation had gone but Bill decided to remain vague. It wasn't like there had been much to say. And despite knowing that one day Pine Tree would tell him why he was acting like a baby, it bothered him all the same. Bill didn't mind waiting for certain things but this didn't seem like something worth waiting over. If it wasn't meant to be a problem anymore, why couldn't Pine Tree just _tell_ him?

Thus the demon pondered what exactly Pine Tree's secret was well into Saturday. He had been so distracted that he hardly managed to research things in regards to humans. The blond had simply been too busy trying to think of plausible theories and analysing anything he had done in the recent past that might have been at cause for Pine Tree's shift in humour. By the afternoon, Bill threw his hands in the air angrily and gave up. He wasn't getting anywhere anyhow and pondering was only proving to be a distraction.

Had that been Pine Tree's secret plan all along?

However, Bill forced himself not to think about it anymore. The hours of the day were slipping through his fingers and he needed to start learning more things about teenagers. For a moment, he wondered what he would focus on for the day. Kissing and other affectionate actions seemed to be something gradually growing in importance what with Blondie continuously smashing her lips to his face. At the rate he was going, it wouldn't be long before he was expected to perform an adequate mouth kiss. He supposed he ought to research that in anticipation.

The demon hopped onto his computer and quickly accessed the internet. He only type a few words into the search engine before remembering something he had said he would do a week ago: call a prostitute. Who better to teach him about kissing and sexual desires other than someone who was paid for sex for a living? Talking to a person and asking for clarifications would be a lot easier than researching them on his too.

With that decided, he erased what little he had typed and began seeking prostitutes. He had to be careful when choosing them. Some would undoubtedly be undercover cops looking for anyone who dared indulge in something that was inexplicably illegal (one of the meat sacks' more stupid decision, if he were being honest - there was no reason for such a thing to _still_ be illegal), whereas some others could be littered with diseases. As sucky as Timothy's body already was, Bill didn't need things to get worse through the acquisition of something sexually transmitted.

Eventually, Bill found a website that seemed promising. The sex workers advertised were relatively attractive – despite looking nothing like Shooting Star or Pine Tree – and were expensive. The demon had found that, most of the time, the most expensive items were of the better quality. He supposed the same principle could be applied to the prostitutes he had stumbled upon. Each picture came with a brief description as well as a price. Bill didn't know who to choose but, luckily for him, there was a "surprise me" option.

He clicked the button and filled out the necessary information, setting a time for the sex worker to show up at his house. Then he made the payment and waited. During said wait, Bill sent the only worker for Timothy's family he hadn't fired out to fetch items the internet had told him were necessary when having sex. The driver gave him an odd look and was about to say something, likely give his two cents of advice, but Bill shut him up with the threat of being laid off. The man came and went before the sex worker arrived and the demon thus decided to dismiss the man, giving him a thousand dollars to treat himself.

When the clock turned to seven, the doorbell rang. Bill was happy to see his "teacher" was punctual and answered the door momentarily. He beheld a tall man with dark brown hair loosely tied back in a ponytail. He was fit and wore tight clothes. He seemed surprised with Bill.

"Uh…hi…" He said meekly. "Is...Is…your mom here…? Maybe your dad?"

"They're dead." Bill frowned. Why was he asking that?

"Older sibling then?" He continued nervously.

"No."

"Maybe I have the wrong house." The man concluded, "Does someone named Timothy Smith live here? Or nearby?"

"I am Timothy Smith." Bill said and folded his arms over his chest.

The man gawked. "Wh—how _old_ are you?"

Bill had no idea. Probably three trillion years old? More? Less? As for Timothy, the demon was also clueless on the matter. "Eighteen." He answered. _Maybe_ , he added mentally.

"Oh my god, you're _barely_ legal." The man groaned and passed a hand through his stray locks of hair.

"Still legal." Bill stated, "Is this part of the session, or…?"

"This is just…weird." He explained, "I'm used to much older customers, especially when they live in a house like this."

"If I give you a hundred extra dollars, can we get this show on the road?" Bill asked, annoyed. The internet hadn't said anything about their dumb game of twenty questions. Maybe this fell into what was referred to as "foreplay"?

"A thousand." The man said. There was a little twinkle in his eye at the mention of additional cash. Bill could appreciate that sense of greed.

"You weren't cheap, bucko." He stated.

"You're rich." The man countered.

"Point taken." Bill conceded, "Five hundred."

"Deal."

Bill stepped aside and allowed the man to enter the mansion. He kicked off his shoes and whistled upon beholding the house. The demon didn't understand what he found so impressive. The Smith's sense of style was rather mundane. There was nothing grandiose about the decor which was, in Bill's opinion, absolutely boring. It lacked skulls, limbs, and tasteful blood stains. He should redecorate the place at some point.

"So…" The man started as Bill looked through his wallet for the five hundred dollars, "I'm not judging or anything, but how come you're not doing this with people your age? I mean, you're attractive. I don't see why anyone would refuse."

"I need someone experienced." Bill explained and handed the money.

The guy counted the bills. "Experienced?" He repeated as he did so.

* * *

 **Option 1** : "To teach me how to have sex."

 **Option 2** : "To teach me about sex concepts and stuff."

 **Option 3** : "To teach me how to do sexual things."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Just a little note that two of these options will lead to smut with nameless prostitute man. ALSO, I had the biggest debate with two of my friends (a hetero lady and a gay mister) on which gender the prostitute ought to be for a bisexual male. Though my gay friend didn't win me over with his position, I still went with his because if smut were to happen, I'm in the mood for some homosexual goodness.**
> 
> **Before going, I like telling you guys what would have happened had different options been chosen so let's do this (starting with the options of chapter 12):**
> 
> **HAD BILL TOLD PACIFICA HE WAS FREE ON SATURDAY: She would have invited him to some activity at the Northwest mansion. Bill would have met her parents (people that also could have been romanced because I'm crazy and ship all the things), but there also would have been more flirting between Bill and Pacifica. We would have thus taken a big leap towards Bill forming a relationship with her or, at the very least, having sex with her.**
> 
> **The option to start nudging Pacifica towards Mabel, Dipper, or whomever else also would have been available.**
> 
> **HAD BILL SAID HE WAS GOING TO WANDER AROUND TOWN SATURDAY: Pacifica would have offered to invite him to the thing she was meant to be doing Saturday and Bill would have declined. Come Saturday, Bill would have wandered around town and stumbled upon Mabel and Ford with the option to hang out with them or not. Had he done so, he then could have gained more "romance points" with either Mabel or Ford. He also could have gained juicy intel on Dipper.**
> 
> **Now for chapter 13's options:**
> 
> **HAD BILL WAITED FOR DIPPER TO COME TO HIM: We literally just would have skipped to Saturday without the initial segment of this chapter wherein Bill confronts Dipper. He also would have been able to do more research and learn different things. Finally, he would have sent the driver to go grocery shopping for him to collect some vegetarian stuff before sending him out on a sex supply run.**
> 
> **HAD BILL PRETENDED THERE WAS NO PROBLEM: Same thing, except Bill would have been distracted wondering what was up with Dipper and if it had anything to do with the secret/lie he made up about Ford potentially having killed his parents for being wizards. He also would have fetched the documents Dipper requested to begin his independent research to clear Ford's name and find an ulterior culprit.**
> 
> **I'll give you all the alternative outcomes to this chapter's decisions and the next one's in chapter 16 :D**


	15. A Crash Course in Sex ED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Some of you see to be under the assumption that this story isn't going to get explicit and you would be wrong. Whether it's with the sex worker (a character that will not pop up again after this section) or Pacifica or Dipper (the only main contenders so far), Bill is going to have sex at some point or another. So for those of you who aren't into it and just don't want to read it, this is your heads up that no matter the votes, Bill will eventually have sex.**
> 
> **That being said, if the options for one night stands are continuously aborted, then Bill will just bang his one true love (whoever that may be) sometime around the end.**
> 
> **With that said, last chapter's tally:**
> 
> **Option 1: "To teach me how to have sex." - 9 votes (4 on AO3 and 5 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: "To teach me about sex concepts and stuff." - 22 votes (15 on AO3 and 7 on FFN)  
> Option 3: "To teach me how to do sexual things." - 15 votes (10 on AO3 and 5 on FFN)**
> 
> **I'm going to be totally honest here, I wanted to do smut so bad that I purposely waited longer so that the outcome to the poll could change XD Option 2 and 3 used to be pretty close so I thought option 3 could catch up but then it didn't and I had to face the facts.**
> 
> **Whatever.**
> 
> **ENJOY!**

"I want you to teach me about sex concepts and stuff." Bill stated.

The man didn't seem particularly fazed by his demand. The most he did was raise an eyebrow and glance at him with an intrigued look in his eyes. However, seconds later he was looking back at his money to finish counting the total. He hummed to himself and Bill wasn't quite sure what that meant.

"I'll be honest," he said, "No one's ever requested that from me before."

"What's that supposed to mean?" The demon asked. Was he going to do it?

"It means this is the first time someone's asked for sex tips." The man chuckled and shoved the money into his pockets, "That's all. What exactly do you want to know?"

Bill considered this for a moment. The most pressing matter at hand was to learn how to kiss adequately. It would likely come up soon and, if he only had to learn one thing from this sex worker, it ought to be that. If they had more time, he would ask about sexual activities like masturbation, oral sex, and things of the like.

"Kissing, for starters." Bill answered.

The man smirked, "I don't usually kiss my clients. But I'll make an exception for you."

Bill was taken aback. He didn't expect nor intend to kiss the other man but before he could say so, the latter pushed their lips together. Any and all words were lost to him. The other's lips were strangely soft and moved against his smoothly. The contact wasn't detestable but Bill failed to see the point. There was no pleasure to be found and yet, as soon as the critique crossed his mind, the dark haired man bit his lower lip. The gesture hadn't brought about any pain but had surprised Bill in the moment. The latter thus gasped and the other took advantage of his parted lips to slip in his tongue. Then the whole experience began to change.

The demon had never kissed anyone before and had no idea how to respond. He opted to mimic the other man to the best of his abilities, pushing back against his tongue. The pressure and the way they rubbed together was strange pleasurable – Bill failed to understand why. Perhaps it was in the way the sex worker would roll his tongue, or suck, or move his lips. Whatever it was, it had him mewling and gripping at the other's shirt desperately. His legs felt inexplicably weak and if he neglected to hold on to the man, he likely would have fallen.

Finally, the sex worker broke their kiss and Bill gasped for air. His face felt hot and his body felt tingly – he stipulated he was probably coming down with a fever seeing as he couldn't think of an ulterior explanation and it would make sense given Timothy's dumb anatomy. The man regarded him with a wide, satisfied grin and an amused expression. He chuckled lowly when the blond looked away heatedly. How dare that guy look down on him like that? Why was he _even_ looking at him like that? Was he mocking him because he sucked at kissing?

"So how was it?" the man asked.

"F-fine…I guess…" Bill muttered.

"Just fine?" he snorted; it was rather unattractive of him, "That flushed face of yours suggests otherwise."

"You took me off guard!" Bill argued, "A-and I think I'm coming down with a fever."

"Sure you are." The man teased and Bill wanted to smack him, but he didn't. Smacking people wasn't good. What he would do instead was refer to him as Annoying McGee. Gracing him with a stupid nickname was the perfect revenge. For the moment. "So are you going to let go of me?" Annoying McGee eventually added.

Bill flinched and released his grip on the other, taking a few steps back. "A-anyway, I wanted to learn the theory before delving into the practice." He stated.

"Oh," Annoying McGee replied, "Well, kissing is easier to learn through practice. Though I'm not sure what exactly you wanted to learn because you're pretty decent at it."

"I had no idea what I was doing." Bill admitted.

"Could have fooled me." Annoying McGee shrugged.

"Aren't you going to give me tips?" Bill demanded. He was getting annoyed. Annoying McGee was really living up to his name.

"I can give you _a_ tip." Annoying McGee chuckled.

Bill frowned, "Was that an innuendo?"

"Yes."

"You're literally wasting my money." Bill stated flatly.

"Sorry." Annoying McGee sighed, "You're just _sure_ you don't want to have sex? Not even a blow job? Hand job?"

"Yes." Bill confirmed and crossed his arms over his chest, "Maybe later. I want to _learn_ first."

"Fine." Annoying McGee finally conceded, "Did you buy any necessities? We'll look them over."

"I sent my driver to fetch some." Bill informed and gestured the sex worker to follow him, "I think he left them in the kitchen."

"You should have done that yourself." Annoying McGee commented, "Unless you told your driver what size condoms you need. I don't know how close you are to him or her."

They walked into the kitchen and, sure enough, the bag was left on the island in the middle of the room. Bill walked to the other side so as to face his annoying teacher while the latter began shuffling through the bought goods. He pulled out three different boxes of condoms of varying sizes, flavoured lubricants, morning after pills, and a box of wipes. Bill took one of the tubes of flavoured lubricant and examined it. Why was it even flavoured? What was the point? Was this a liquidy snack meant to be consumed during sex?

"Okay, well your driver did a pretty good job." Annoying McGee nodded, "They got you a box of average sized condoms, another with a smaller size, and one more with a larger size. They're all of pretty good quality too." He then picked up the pills again, "This raises some questions for me, though. Who exactly are you trying to fuck?"

"Uh…I don't know." Bill admitted. The answer was probably Pacifica. She was always all over him and kissing him.

"Let me rephrase," Annoying McGee said, "Are you gay, straight, or somewhere in between? I'd ask if you were asexual but you wouldn't have called me if that was the case."

Bill frowned. Again with the strange question. He didn't understand what being happy or standing had to do with sex. Fortunately, this was the moment to bring it up. "I don't understand."

Annoying McGee frowned as well. "What do you mean you don't understand?" he asked, "What's there not to understand?"

"I don't understand what being happy or standing has to do with this." Bill specified.

Annoying McGee grimaced at him in confusion. However, his face quickly lighted up and then he smacked his forehead. "You innocent cinnamon roll." He muttered, "I'm asking if you're a homosexual, heterosexual, or somewhere in between."

Bill lit up. He remembered learning about those terms. There were no such labels back in his home dimension. What a deplorable place. Not as bad as high school, though. "Oh, uh, somewhere in between?" he answered.

"Did you seriously not know that that's what 'gay' or 'straight' meant?" Annoying McGee probed.

Bill felt his face heat up again. He was growing more convinced that he was probably getting sick. Something akin to embarrassment bubbled in his chest. "M-maybe!" he snapped.

"You're so innocent." Annoying McGee cooed as he laughed, "It's actually adorable."

"Whatever!" Bill growled; his face felt hotter, "Let's get back to learning stuff!"

"Right, well," Annoying McGee resumed, "Sex with a man and a woman works differently. The two things that are necessary for both, however, is the generous use of lubricant and condoms. It doesn't matter that, if it's with a man, you can't get pregnant; you don't want diseases to spread."

Bill nodded, "So how do I use any of this?" He asked and took a box of condoms.

"I literally can't believe I'm basically giving you a crash course in sex ed." Annoying McGee side tracked.

"Oh my god, please focus!" Bill groaned.

"This is just the weirdest rendez-vous I've ever had." Annoying McGee continued as he reached for the fruit bowl and grabbed a banana, "But, anyway," then he grabbed a box of condoms and opened it, "I'll show you." He gave a condom and the banana to Bill, "Open the condom." He instructed.

Bill nodded and did as he was told. The condom was blue and covered with a viscous liquid.

"Now you're going to unroll it on the banana." Annoying McGee elaborated, "So put it on the tip then push it down the length gently and unroll."

Bill nodded again and did just that. It was a bit difficult and he struggled to keep the fruit still, but he ultimately managed.

"Now pinch the little bag thing at the tip," Annoying McGee instructed, "And get rid of any air bubbles and, voilà! The condom is set."

"That was easier than I thought." The demon commented.

"Well, I'm honestly surprise you didn't accidentally break it the first time." He admitted, "People often tear it on accident and that's no good. So remember to always be careful and be gentle with it."

"Okay, what next?" Bill ushered.

"Well, that was basically it." Annoying McGee said, "I mean, for the lubricant, you just squeeze a generous amount on your fingers and on your cock – or on the other guy's cock if you're being penetrated – and you have fun."

"Why on my fingers?" Bill asked.

"Fingering." Annoying McGee supplied like it was obvious, "Geez, do you really know nothing about this?"

"I called for you for a reason." Bill reminded.

"Oh my god, okay." The man sighed and brushed his fingers through his hair, "So fingering is an absolute must and you can't rush it. Basically, you'll be using your fingers to either penetrate a vagina or anus so as to stretch the muscles and facilitate the insertion of a penis. Lubricant will also help with this but you can't solely rely on it. You go about it one finger at a time and only insert the next when your partner, or conversely yourself, think they can handle it. People typically only do two or three, not the whole hand. Unless they're into that sort of thing."

Bill nodded in understanding. "Now what about oral sex?" he enquired.

"Nice transition." Annoying McGee snickered sarcastically, "Anyway, it's really simple. For a woman, you would mainly lick and suck on the clitoris. It's the number one pleasure spot on a woman and it's guaranteed to get her off as opposed to the g spot which isn't always sensitive – but this depends on the woman. Anyway, you lick, you suck, you tease. You can also try sticking your tongue into her vagina but you ought to just pay attention to how she is and what she's saying instead. If she seems to like what you're doing, keep doing it."

"And what about for a man?" Bill probed.

Annoying McGee looked like he was about to answer but then he paused. "I could just show you." He suggested.

* * *

**Option 1** : "Okay."

**Option 2** : "Could I try it on you, instead?"

**Option 3** : "No."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Depending on the result of this decision, we might move on to Sunday immediately next chapter if one particular option is chosen. Then we can all say goodbye to Annoying McGee.**
> 
> **~~tbh I sort of imagined that Annoying McGee looked a lot like Sebastien Michaelis from Black Butler~~ **


	16. The Weirdest Client

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So let's start off with the tally of votes from the last chapter:**
> 
> **Option 1: "Yes" - 22 votes (9 on AO3 and 13 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: "Could I try it on you instead?" - 25 votes (19 on AO3 and 6 on FFN)  
> Option 3: "No." - 3 votes (FFN)**
> 
> **Obviously, this was a tight race thus explaining why this chapter took so much longer to come out. That being said, I've also got a lot of uni stuff to work on so I don't expect the subsequent chapter will be out any time soon either. It's a thing that happens when you procrastinate a lot XP**
> 
> **Btw, please review the tags of this story to get a more specific idea of what'll be going down eventually. This is a mature fic for a reason so if you're not into smut and whatnot, then don't read it.**
> 
> **Regardless, ENJOY!**

Bill contemplated the sex worker's offer pensively. He had pretty much learned all the theory he expected to learn in regards to sex, and what better way for him to absorb any more information now than through observation? Annoying McGee could give him pointers and nifty tricks to really impress his partner in the event he was dealing with a male. He was about to agree when he stopped himself; a better idea having come to mind.

"Could I try it on you instead?" Bill asked. Observing was one thing, practicing was another.

Annoying McGee looked surprised for a moment. He was at a loss of words but then he exploded into laughter. The demon failed to see what was so funny and waited for the meat sack to finish his giggle fit. It took much longer than it should have.

"You're really the weirdest client I've ever had." Annoying McGee sighed, wiping a tear from his eye.

"You're being really… _annoying_ right now." Bill grumbled. The man was truly living up to his nickname.

"Ah, you're too adorable, sorry." Annoying McGee grinned. Bill puffed out his cheeks angrily and bit his tongue before he said something too mean, "I just…normally I just give, you know?"

"No, but whatever." Bill said and rolled his eyes. He really didn't care. "I just figured I'd learn more by actually doing than watching you do it."

"That's reasonable." Annoying McGee conceded, "Now, where's your bedroom?"

Bill led the way. They walked up a set of twirling stairs and down a long hall. The other man looked around in wonder the whole time. The demon really didn't understand why he was so impressed, the place was small. Nonetheless, he pushed open the double doors that gave out on the room he claimed as his own. It was the biggest in the house though still fairly small. Annoying McGee gave another impressed whistle as he pranced about and examined every corner.

"This looks straight out of a magazine." He commented.

"Thanks." Bill shrugged, he wasn't sure whether it was a compliment or not.

The man then moved to his bed and sat on the edge, gesturing him over. When Bill was close enough, he grabbed his arm and pulled him onto his lap. The blond was taken aback by the abrupt and unexpected action, but Annoying McGee quickly explained himself. "When you're starting anything sexual with anyone, you've got to get them in the mood if they're not already." He said, "People normally do this by kissing and touching."

Bill nodded in understanding, though he suddenly felt nervous. His face was feeling hot again and his heart was thumping against his chest rapidly. He hoped Timothy wasn't about to have a heart attack or a seizure. It would be most inconvenient. "Okay…" he muttered, his voice inexplicably shy.

Annoying McGee smiled gently, "There's one more thing you have to make sure you do when you're about to do anything with someone," he added, "You need to make sure they're comfortable and that they're not being forced to do anything they don't want to do. It's okay to stop at any point, you know. We don't have to do this."

"I want to." Bill assured. "I just…don't want to suck."

"That's kind of necessary for a blow job." Annoying McGee joked and Bill scowled.

"That's not what I meant!" he grumbled. God he hated the other man's jokes. They were just so stupid.

"Aww, come on." Annoying McGee laughed, "I'm just trying to lighten up the mood."

"Let's just do this." Bill sighed and pressed their lips together.

Annoying McGee initially moved back, surprised by his gesture, but quickly melted into it. His hands moved to Bill's waist, pulling their bodies closer as he deepened the kiss. The latter opened his mouth to let him in, moaning pleasurably as their tongues began moving together. The sex worker took control over the development of their actions, moving Bill's hands to his shoulders while his own travelled leisurely beneath the blonde's shirt. The demon was lost in the bliss he felt. Though he was annoying, the man knew exactly where and how to touch him. He was practically losing his mind.

"You're really hard." Annoying McGee chuckled as he broke the kiss.

Bill glanced down to see a tent having formed in his pants. He suddenly felt self-conscious and flustered for some reason.

"Don't worry, it's nothing to be embarrassed about." He grinned and pressed his lips against Bill's neck. The latter's breath hitched and he gripped him tightly, "It's totally normal."

Bill bit lips lower lip to restrain the moans that threatened to spill from him as his neck was kissed. Annoying McGee sucked and nipped at sensitive areas he hadn't known existed until that moment. He felt so good he began to wonder why he was under the impression that such activities had to be disgusting and unpleasant.

"Do you like it?" He asked Bill as he licked down his neck, moving to his collarbone.

"L-like…what?" the blond responded mindlessly.

"When I do this to you…" The man hummed lowly and sank his teeth into Bill's skin. He gasped and clutched tighter at him. The pain was oddly pleasurable and the moans he had been keeping in until that point unexpectedly began to escape. He no longer had control. "God…" he continued, "You make the sexiest sounds…"

"H-how do you make it feel so good…?" Bill huffed, his mind felt fogged with… _desire_.

"Practice." He answered frankly, "You start off gently and pay careful attention to your partner. You're very expressive so it's easy to know when you're enjoying yourself. Anyway, are you ready to continue?"

_Continue…?_ Bill repeated curiously when he remembered, _Right…I'm supposed to learn how to do a blow job…_

He nodded and climbed off Annoying McGee's lap. The latter then gestured him to get on his knees as he himself opened his legs. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked again before doing anything further.

"Yes." Bill answered, a bit annoyed.

"Alright, then unzip my pants." Annoying McGee instructed as he leaned back.

Bill reached over and did as he was told.

"Now, gently take out my penis." He continued.

The demon felt his face heat up again and cursed Timothy's stupid body. Nonetheless, he pulled the man's underwear and pants down just a tad before doing as he was told. The cock felt weird in his hands, however it was a feeling he had also been expecting.

"As you can see, I'm not really hard," Annoying McGee noted, "But that's something we can fix with a little more foreplay." He moved Bill's fingers around the length of his cock until he was holding it and then made him tighten his grip just a little, "You're going to move your hand up and down to get me stimulated, okay?"

Bill nodded again and began moving his hand. His gesture was initially shy and hesitant but Annoying McGee encouraged him to be more confident. It was strange how the meat sack could go from being a total dork who made dumb jokes, to someone surprisingly…nice. Bill was all the more surprised that he appreciated his gentleness. When he finally acquired dominion over this universe, perhaps he wouldn't kill him. Not immediately anyway.

It took a few pumps before Bill began to feel the organ harden in his hand. As it did just that, he noticed how a pale liquid steadily began seeping from the tip. He stared at it curiously as he asked; "What's that?"

"Precum?" Annoying McGee replied like it was obvious. "I keep underestimating how innocent you are."

"Shut up…" he muttered and kept going, but he was soon stopped.

"Alright, let me go." He instructed, "I'm hard enough. Now you're going to start the blow job."

"How…do I do that?" Bill asked shyly and eyed the cock.

"It's pretty simple and you don't have to worry about doing bad because there's no such thing as a bad blow job." Annoying McGee explained, "Just don't bite it. Keep the teeth away. You're going to start off slow and teasing, alright? So start by giving the tip a few licks and then gently sucking on it."

Bill did as he was told. He hesitated a bit before giving the first lick. The pale liquid coming from the tip of the cock wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. It was slightly sweet and he didn't mind the taste of it on his tongue. The sex worker sucked in a sharp breath and clutched at the bed covers. The demon was unexpectedly pleased by the reaction. He kept going, looking at the man as he took in the mushroom shaped tip in his mouth. Annoying McGee blushed a bit and frowned at him, pinching his lips together like he was trying to keep from making a sound.

"Now you're slowly going to take in more of it." He continued. "Don't go too fast and try not to take it in so deep you'd gag. Gagging kind of ruins the experience, so it's something you should look to avoid."

The demon obeyed and gently started taking more of the erection into his mouth. He kept his eyes locked on the sex worker's face, looking for signs of pleasure or discomfort like he had advised. Seeing neither, instead just a very focused look, he kept going until he felt like he would begin to gag if he swallowed the member any further. Annoying McGee was about to speak, perhaps to give him instructions on what to do next, when he felt the urge to swallow. A loud moan left his lips as Bill did so and he looked utterly blissed.

"Ngh, yeah, you've got the right idea…" He chuckled breathlessly, "At this point you're going to suck and bob your head. If you can, try sticking your tongue out flat beneath my shaft so as to lick while you suck. It's a good trick that enhances the experience if you can manage it."

Bill tried doing so. He struggled a bit but his tongue movements against the erection only seemed to please the sex worker rather than annoy him. Once he managed to get his tongue in the proper position, he began to suck and bob. Getting the hang of a rhythm and the multitasking was a bit difficult at first, but he figured it out fairly quickly. Annoying McGee was quickly moaning as he pleasured him clumsily albeit to the best of his abilities. He reminded himself that there was no such thing as a bad blow job for further encouragement.

The other man eventually reached forward and tangled his fingers into Bill's blond hair. He guided his movements and slowly started thrusting into his mouth, though he was careful not to be too rough so as not to accidentally cause him to gag. Bill found he quite liked it and couldn't help but let out a few moans as well. Annoying McGee seemed particularly receptive to the noises he made. The demon reckoned it was probably due to the vibrations his voice caused.

His head bobbing steadily increased in speed and Annoying McGee clutched at his hair harder. He was met with harsher thrusts and soon the other man was moaning loudly. After a particularly loud moan, liquid quickly filled Bill's mouth. He recognized the taste as the pale liquid that had been beading up at the sex worker's cock's tip and swallowed all of it before he was told it wasn't necessary.

"Okay, never mind." He mumbled, "A lot of people think it's hot if you swallow their cum. I'm personally indifferent and don't encourage it but, if you don't mind doing it, it'll certainly affect your partner in a positive manner."

"So how did I do?" Bill asked, wiping what little liquid had managed to dribble out from the corner of his mouth with his sleeve.

"Very good, especially for a first timer." Annoying McGee assured, "Remember, there's no such thing as a bad blow job. Now stand up."

Bill gave him a curious look but obeyed the order. He wasn't particularly shocked when the other man grabbed him and pulled him onto the bed. He was a bit astonished when he was pinned beneath him, on the other hand, and wasn't quite sure how to react.

"You're hard. I ought to relieve you." The man grinned. "If you want, I can show you this really cool thing called rimming."

"R…rimming?" Bill repeated, "I've never heard of that."

"You can do it to a guy or a girl, it doesn't matter." Annoying McGee explained briefly, "It's a sexy way to stretch the ass for penetration. How about it?"

"U-uh…okay…" Bill agreed shyly.

Annoying McGee gave a victorious grin. He flipped Bill over onto his stomach and pulled his hips upwards so as to get better access to his ass. The demon looked over his shoulder nervously and watched the sex worker get to work. He pulled down his pants, exposing his ass, but before he could get too embarrassed about it, he planted soft kisses on his exposed skin. Slowly, his lips trailed downwards and eventually stopped as his anus.

Bill took in a sharp breath and wasn't sure what to expect when the sex worker stuck out his tongue and began lapping at the tight ring of muscles. A choked groan left his lips and he clutched at the bed covers. The pleasure went straight to his achingly hard cock and his body pushed against the tongue for more contact. He felt the other man grin against him as he began pushing his tongue past the muscles. Breathy gasps and moans left Bill's lips as a tongue steadily stretched him open. The pleasure was already mind fogging and it all doubled when the man reached between his legs to pump his hard cock as he continued his work. Bill was losing his mind, overwhelmed by the blissful feeling coursing through his veins. A tight coil was building in his gut and soon, he felt like it all exploded as liquid began squirting out.

"Hm, that was fast." Annoying McGee noted as he pulled away and Bill collapsed on his bed. It had felt so good. "So?"

"So what?" Bill asked, his voice muffled by the blanket in which he had buried his face.

"How was it?" he specified.

"Really good…" Bill admitted and then glanced over his shoulder, "How…how did you…?"

"It's rimming; same concept as eating out a woman except you don't have a clitoris to work with." He explained and lounged next to Bill, "The skin of the ring is sensitive so if you decide to try it out on someone, it's best to tease that area and pleasure another spot simultaneously. Unless you're an absolute pro at eating out ass, there's no way you're going to make them cum."

"Cool." Bill answered shortly. He was feeling very tired and sticky – though he didn't have the energy to move around and clean off his cum.

"Are you really going to pass out from so little?" Annoying McGee chuckled and Bill grunted his answer, "Fine. Go to sleep. But do you reckon I could stay the night? I won't have a place to sleep otherwise."

* * *

**Option 1** : "Sure."

**Option 2** : "It'll cost 500$."

**Option 3** : "No."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **NOTE: Whatever decision is made, we're saying goodbye to Annoying McGee!**
> 
> **Anyway, now I want to list the other potential ways this could have gone had other decisions been chosen instead!**
> 
> **HAD BILL HAD SEX WITH THE SEX WORKER RIGHT OFF THE BAT: Obviously, they would have had sex. We then would have had a chapter where Bill is explained stuff as he's having sex and the decisions of that chapter would have been the same as the ones present for this chapter (ie allowing the sex worker to stay). Then we would have been off to Sunday.**
> 
> **HAD BILL ASKED TO BE TAUGHT HOW TO DO SEXUAL THINGS: He would have received a blow job from the sex worker, been taught how to masturbate and pleasure himself, and also get a brief sex ED class as he did so. This chapter would have ended with the options of Bill either having sex with the sex worker, asking him to stay to learn more things (but not actually practice any of them), or simply kicking the guy out. Then we would have been off to Sunday.**
> 
> **HAD BILL AGREED TO RECEIVING A BLOW JOB AFTER HIS LITTLE SEX ED CLASS: The outcome wouldn't have been particularly different from this chapter though he wouldn't have gotten rimmed. He also would have learned less things on how to perform a good blow job as he would have been distracted. Then it would have been the same set of decisions as this chapter and off to Sunday.**
> 
> **HAD BILL REFUSED TO RECEIVE A BLOW JOB: We would have skipped directly to Sunday, which will be chapter 17 now.**


	17. Unfortunate Mistake McGee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Last chapter's tally of votes:**
> 
> **Option 1: "Yes" - 28 votes (16 from AO3 and 12 from FFN)  
>  Option 2: "It'll cost you 500$." - 7 votes (3 from AO3 and 4 from FFN)  
> Option 3: "No." - 1 vote (AO3)**
> 
> **You guys literally have no idea how happy I am you chose for Annoying McGee to stay! I really wanted to write this into the story but, of course, it depended on all of you choosing the right option. Of course, I'm using the adjective "right" very loosely here.**
> 
> **To be honest though, I was sure you would all go for the 500$ or the No option XD The 500$ wouldn't have changed the outcome of this chapter significantly btw, Bill would have just gotten the extra he paid Annoying McGee to shut up back, haha**
> 
> **Regardless, ENJOY!**

Bill woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing. He hadn't remembered falling asleep and was all the more confused when what he was sleeping on began to move. He jolted up, startled and puzzled to find Annoying McGee lying shirtless on his bed. The man slowly woke up with a groan, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and then grinned when he noticed the demon.

"Hi."

"What are you still doing here?" Bill asked bluntly.

"Good morning to you too." The man snickered and sat up, "You allowed me to spend the night, remember?"

"No but whatever." Bill shrugged and glanced towards his door when the doorbell rang again. He sighed deeply as he slipped off his bed, "Anyway, stay here. I'll go see who it is."

"Sure." Annoying McGee asked, "Mind if I use your shower?"

"Have fun." The blond replied nonchalantly as he left.

He made his way to the front door, briefly fixing himself up. He only realised how much of a mess he truly was when he passed in front of a mirror. His pale locks were all out of place, his shirt was wrinkled, and his pants were still unbutton. He fixed the latter issue immediately before answering the door. Bill was just about ready to yell at the person on the other side when—

"Hi, Timothy." Pine Tree greeted.

Bill froze in place. What was the brunet doing at his house? How had he found his freakishly small mansion in the first place?

"Uh…did I catch you at a bad time…?" He continued slowly and Bill glanced down at himself, remembering his current state.

"I told you not to call me that." Bill sighed instead, brushing his locks back exasperatedly.

"Right, sorry." Pine Tree apologized, "I just thought it would be fine because we're alone."

"Why are you here?" Bill asked and he must have sounded angry or just unpleased because Pine Tree suddenly looked flustered.

"We said we would meet up on Sunday to work on the bio project." He reminded and awkwardly shifted in place, "I also thought we could start looking into those autopsy files to clear my great uncle's name."

Bill mentally punched Timothy in the face. He had completely forgotten they had made plans. He glanced back nervously, wondering if Annoying McGee's presence would be a bother. Purchasing the services of a sex worker was illegal not to mention generally frowned upon. The last thing he needed was for Pine Tree to get the rumour circulating – even if he didn't strike him as the type who would do so, the demon didn't want to risk it. He would have to sneak the other man out.

"How did you get my address?" Bill asked as he stepped aside to allow the brunet to enter. He didn't remember sharing such information with him.

"You didn't tell me so I asked Pacifica." He replied, "I hope that's okay."

"Yeah, no, it's fine." He brushed off.

Bill hadn't told Pacifica of his whereabouts either. She was admittedly clever, the demon believed she easily could have figured something out. She must have found the information on her own, through her sources or something – rich people had sources right? Like in the movies?

"Uh, make yourself at home…" Bill offered awkwardly. "What do you want to work on first?"

"Maybe the project?" Pine Tree suggested, "It's more convenient to get it out of the way before dealing with the heavier stuff."

Bill nodded and silence fell upon them. Pine Tree was staring at him like he was expecting something, though he wasn't sure what. It took a moment for him to remember what he had learned from human culture on TV. It was customary for the host of the house to offer their guests food or beverages. Perhaps that was what Pine Tree was waiting for.

"Would you like something to eat…?" He suggested.

"Um, do you have coffee?" Pine Tree asked instead.

"No idea." Bill replied frankly, "Let's go find out."

The demon led the way to the kitchen and immediately made a b line for the refrigerator. He wasn't sure where the coffee was typically kept, though liquids were normally stored in such a place. Regardless, he didn't have to look for too long before concluding that he probably didn't have it. His fridge was utterly empty. He hadn't gotten around to sending his driver fetch the food Blondie had made him eat at the vegetarian place. Perhaps it would be the last thing he would task his employee with before firing him like he did with the others. That guy was pretty useless anyway.

"What's all this?" Pine Tree asked as Bill closed the refrigerator door. He froze when he saw the teen poking out the sex supplies his driver had bought him the other day. He had completely forgotten to bring those back to his room.

"U-um, nothing…?" Bill tried unconvincingly. He wasn't sure whether he ought to feel flustered by Pine Tree's discovery – after all, sex was an achievement to teenagers, wasn't it? – but he felt embarrassed all the same. However, his mind was quickly distracted by the thought of Annoying McGee. He was probably done showering by now and he needed to sneak him out before—

"Hey, so I noticed a bunch of pampering goods in your bathroom," the man in question said, appearing from the side of the kitchen that gave out on the living room. He wore nothing more than a bath towel which hung loosely on his hips. Bill wanted to scream. "I was wondering if I could use them since you don't seem to be—?" He paused when he noticed Pine Tree, "Oh hi."

_Oh my god._ Bill mentally groaned.

Pine Tree's face immediately turned red from a blush and his eyes darted around everywhere in an attempt to avoid looking at Annoying McGee. Bill reckoned he should change the sex worker's name to "Unfortunate Mistake McGee" now. "I-I didn't know you already had a guest..." The brunet stammered nervously.

"Don't worry about it, he's leaving." Bill assured as he walked towards Unfortunate Mistake McGee and guided him away. He had half a mind to slaughter him when he got him far enough away from Pine Tree.

"I am?" Unfortunate Mistake McGee asked with a shit eating grin.

"Yes." Bill stated dryly, and whispered: "Don't you have work or something?"

"No clue, haven't checked my phone for a new assignment." The sex worker admitted.

Bill flashed Pine Tree a nervous smile before pushing Unfortunate Mistake McGee away. He forced him up the stairs quickly and practically slammed the door to his room once they got to it. The man then began laughing despite the demon glaring death at him. He took it back. He wasn't going to spare that guy once he acquired dominion over his universe. He was going to kill him first.

"How are you going to explain that to him?" He laughed.

"I have no idea." Bill replied, annoyed, "Now get dressed and leave."

"Aw, I was going to give you a bonus round for free before I left." Unfortunate Mistake McGee chuckled as he gathered his clothes, "Oh well, have fun. Try putting what I taught you to good use while you're at it. I'm sure your friend will love it."

Bill frowned and looked away as the man redressed himself, "He's not my friend." He grumbled, "I hate him. I would never do that with him."

"If you hate him why is he here?" Unfortunate Mistake McGee probed curiously.

"Revenge." Bill answered coldly.

There was a pause before Unfortunate Mistake McGee guffawed again, "Boy, you sure have a flare for the dramatic." He chuckled, "Well, let me tell you, if you really want revenge, the best way to hurt him would be by breaking his heart."

Bill looked up, intrigued by the man's suggestion. "Breaking his heart?" He repeated. The demon had thought about it briefly before.

"Yeah, I've done it a few times to former high school bullies of mine." Unfortunate Mistake McGee elaborated, "I look vastly different from what I once did, so I took advantage of that. I seduced them, gave them the best sex ever, made them think there was a future for us, and when I knew I had them wrapped around my pinky finger, I broke their heart."

"Literally?" Bill enquired.

"No, not literally. Though I'm sure it must have felt that way." The man chuckled, "I just destroyed their emotions and it really fucked with them. It was great. If you hate him as much as I hated one of my bullies, you should try getting him to ruin any and all relationships with friends and family. Then he won't have anyone to turn to once you break his heart."

Bill nodded and contemplated the idea. It was absolutely devious. From what he had learned, teenagers _did_ place a stupid amount of importance on relationships for some reason. Perhaps Unfortunate Mistake McGee wasn't such an unfortunate mistake. Bill decided to revert his nickname back to Annoying McGee for having made such a helpful suggestion. He would probably still kill the guy, however, once he began asserting his dominion.

"Look at me, encouraging a teenager to be a horrible person." Annoying McGee chuckled, "I'm such a great adult. Anyway, I'm going to get out of your hair now."

"Wait." Bill interjected and moved in front of the doors to keep him from leaving, "How _do_ you break someone's heart?"

"There's a butt load of ways." He shrugged, "If you're in the situation I was in, you break up with him when he wants to marry you and you tell him the truth. You could also try to seduce his brother, sister, or best friend, and get him to catch you screwing them. That'll probably destroy his relationship with whomever you chose too, so there's bonus damage to be found there. I don't know, man, there's a lot of ways to go about it."

"Should I…should I have sex with him?" Bill asked.

Annoying McGee frowned, "Only if you want to." He said seriously, "And only if he wants to as well. You shouldn't force or be forced to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, no matter how much you hate the other person."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it." The demon mumbled and rolled his eyes.

"On that note, sex could be a good idea." Annoying McGee continued, "Especially if he wanted to remain pure until marriage but is willing to make an exception for you. It's up to your prerogative, kid. You know him better than I do, probably, so you'll know what'll hurt more."

On that final note, Bill guided the sex worker to his front door. He waited impatiently for him to leave so he could get back to Pine Tree. He had absolutely no idea what he was going to say to justify Annoying McGee's very naked presence without giving away that he was a prostitute. However, the man stopped in the middle of the door's frame and turned around with a smile on his face. Without a word, he took two big strides in his direction and closed the remaining distance between them with a kiss. The demon was taken aback and slightly annoyed. Regardless, the contact was soon over and a card was slipped into his hand.

"Call me. Our next encounter will be on the house." He said with a wink and then he finally left.

Bill sighed as he watched the man make his way down his long driving lot. He closed the door and turned around, jumping back in surprise when he saw Pine Tree standing a few feet away. His cheeks were slightly pink and he held himself awkwardly. The demon also noticed how he went out of his way to avoid eye contact.

"So…" he began slowly, "Who was that guy?"

* * *

 

**Option 1:** "A prostitute."

**Option 2:** "My maid."

**Option 3:** "My cousin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I keep thinking I could have given Annoying McGee/Unfortunate Mistake McGee an actual name because his lengthy nickname was sort of laborious to write ~~someone get me a small violin~~**
> 
> **If I had given him one, I might have gone with "Sebastien" as I did mention ~~I sort of imagine that he look like Sebastien Michaelis from Black Butler~~ or maybe "Thelonious" after the character I find has the stupidest, most ridiculous plot line in the 100 to the point where it's so bad it's actually hilarious.**
> 
> **Seriously, look at him go, you'd swear he was on a quest to break the 4th wall and make the show go full metta. It's stupid. I love it.**
> 
> **But, for once, I have a question for all of you: What would YOU have named Annoying McGee/Unfortunate Mistake McGee?**


	18. Let's Not Talk About My Cousin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Okey-dokey! Last chapter's tally:**
> 
> **Option 1: "A prostitute." - 19 votes (9 on AO3 and 10 on FFN)**  
>  Option 2: "My maid." - 9 votes (6 on AO3 and 3 on FFN)  
> Option 3: "My cousin." - 25 votes (12 on AO3 and 13 on FFN)
> 
> ***the actual tally for option 3 might be 26 votes (my calligraphy is shit and one of the strikes looks like it could be 2 really close together or just 1 I went over a few times because my pen was dying) regardless, that option still wins**
> 
> **This was a close race, but I have to admit you chose the one I wanted the most!**
> 
> **BTW, Annoying McGee's true name will now be "irascible coxswain Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire or for short Iracosham (i-ra-co-sham)". Thanks SinsOfNature ;D**
> 
> **Now, ENJOY!**

Bill glanced around nervously as though a nearby item would help him justify who Annoying McGee was. He couldn't just be honest and tell Pine Tree the man was a sex worker; if news that he had purchased such services got out, he could potentially land in prison or, worse, have his reputation at school utterly ruined. Pine Tree didn't strike him much as one who would betray the trust of another, but humans were fundamentally flawed. They could not be trusted. With the right arguments and enough persistence, Bill was sure someone could get the kid to loosen his tongue and spill the beans sooner or later.

Pine Tree looked at him expectantly, tapping his foot impatiently on the ground. If the demon took any more time, the fact that he was trying to come up with a lie would become all the more obvious. Panic overtook him as was typical and probably one of the worst side effects of Timothy's body. Without thinking too much, he finally sputtered: "H-he's my cousin!"

The brunet's eyes widened in surprise but he soon frowned. The teen seemed uncomfortable as he shifted awkwardly and avoided looking at Bill directly, "So, uh…" he began slowly, "you…you make out with your cousin?"

"It's legal!" Bill argued immediately. However, he wanted to punch himself in the face after.

"Isn't cousin marriage banned in Oregon?" Pine Tree asked sceptically.

"Maybe." Bill conceded, "But I never said I was going to _marry_ him."

Pine Tree looked him over suspiciously, almost as though he wasn't sure he was telling the truth. If he ultimately decided Bill was lying to him, the demon supposed it wasn't so bad. Honestly, chalking off Annoying McGee as his cousin had been the stupidest idea he could have thought up. _Of course_ Pine Tree had seen the latter kiss him. The man had a smug expression on his face before he went ahead and locked lips with him. Pine Tree even acted weirdly after he had left. All the signs had been there. Rumours of being in an incestuous relationship with a cousin was probably worse than those of having purchased the services of a prostitute. Bill cursed Timothy's soul because it was easier than to blame himself for the mistake.

"A-any way, it's not like we're in a relationship or anything!" Bill added quickly and the look on Pine Tree's face suggested that his attempt to remedy the situation was steadily making it worse, "I-I mean, I'm not saying we're just…you know, sleeping together or anything…"

Pine Tree didn't look particularly convinced.

"It's true!" The demon snapped.

"I never said it wasn't." The brunet defended.

"Then stop looking at me with that face!" Bill demanded, "He was just being stupid and he saw you there so he probably wanted to make you jealous!"

Pine Tree looked surprised again. His cheeks reddened slightly and Bill wondered why he was blushing. There was nothing blush-worthy about what he had said. At least, nothing that he could think of.

"Why…why would he want to make me jealous?" He asked quietly.

The demon flinched at the question and was suddenly uncomfortable. He was pretty sure the teen had drawn the wrong conclusion from what he had told him. That being said, he had no idea how Pine Tree could have misinterpreted what he had said.

"I-I don't know!" He stammered hurriedly, "He's just stupid!" Pine Tree nodded and silence fell upon them for a brief moment. Things were quickly getting awkward and Bill couldn't handle that, "Let's just…forget about this." He sighed and guided the brunet to a different part of the house, away from the kitchen in which he had left his sex supplies, "We've got work to do."

Bill brought him to the living room. It was one of the biggest rooms in the entire house, which was still fairly small. Most of the walls were covered in tall windows, bathing the area in natural light – something that wasn't entirely unpleasant. The floor was a few steps lower than the rest of the house and, for that reason, a long couch had been placed on the perimeter. It circled in front of an obnoxiously large TV with an enormous sound system and multiple entertainment machines that Bill never used. He plopped onto the couch and gestured Pine Tree to do the same. The latter hesitated a moment, carefully seating himself next to Bill but mindful of the distance separating them.

"Is your whole family this rich?" Dipper asked, looking around the room with an impressed expression. Bill would never understand what the meatsacks he invited over found so extraordinary.

He shrugged, "Sure." But he actually had no idea. He hadn't looked into the other members of Timothy's family. He hadn't seen the point.

"Is your cousin also a wizard?" The brunet inquired after a moment.

"No." Bill answered stiffly and mentally cursed Annoying McGee. _God_ , he hated Timothy for having made him tell such a stupid lie. "And let's not talk about him anymore. Now, didn't you say you wanted to deal with our dumb project first?"

"Uh, yeah, right." Pine Tree nodded, "Well, I thought we could kind of just come up with a thesis statement and arguments to support our claim. Then we can decide who writes what part and so on."

"Cool." Bill dismissed, bored; he had no motivation to work on something so mundane. For that same reason, he didn't mind being the subordinate in the given situation. "You're the head of this duo, what's our thesis?"

The two discussed the semantics of their thesis as well as arguments they could use to support their stance. They scribbled down everything they decided on a piece of paper they would present to McGucket tomorrow for approval. Seeing as Bill had tinkered with the wording to improve the thesis statement Pine Tree first postulated, the demon was sure it would easily get approved. The whole affair took a little over half an hour. During that time, Bill strangely enjoyed himself. Pine Tree was smarter than he gave him credit. The kid reminded him a lot of Sixer in the way his mind seemed to work when coming up with ideas. It was both refreshing and nostalgic. Regardless, once all of that was done, the brunet folded the paper and shoved it into his pant pocket.

"Alright, now down to the real business." Pine Tree breathed tensely, "Do you have the autopsy reports?"

Truthfully, Bill had forgotten entirely forgotten. However, he could easily pretend he hadn't because, luckily, humans had an obsession with documenting everything. Odds were the autopsy file had been recorded in an online database he could effortlessly hack into without necessitating magic. That being said, he didn't have to be shy about wielding magic in Pine Tree's presence given the stupid lie he had conjured about being a wizard. On that note, he still didn't want to waste his small charge on something so stupid. Instead, the demon decided to waste his day's worth of magic by teleporting his laptop into his hands. It was discouraging how such a simple action had suddenly drained him.

"Whoa…" Pine Tree huffed in awe.

"It's basic magic, it's really not impressive." Bill dismissed because it was true.

"That's easy for you to say." The brunet smirked, "Magic is part of your day to day life. It isn't really the case for me."

Bill simply rolled his eyes and refrained from answering. Pine Tree wasn't going to convince him that teleporting a measly laptop from such a short distance was an amazing feat. He did appreciate the acclaim, though. Thus, he opened his laptop and quickly got to work in hacking the database in question. Several minutes later, he had downloaded the files onto his computer and was passing the machine to Pine Tree to allow him a look.

"Voilà."

"Says here the cause of death was a plane accident." He noted as he skimmed through the files.

"But it wasn't an accident." The demon insisted dispassionately. He needed to come up with better lies in the future because the ones he currently had were exasperating to maintain. "Stanford Pines tampered with it somehow."

"Can you get me access to the incident report?" Pine Tree requested as he passed the computer back to Bill.

A few short minutes later, Bill had downloaded the requested file onto his desktop and was showing it to the brunet.

"Hun. That's weird." The teen mumbled and frowned at the report.

"What?" Bill asked, glancing over.

"The black box was never recovered." He said and tilted the screen towards Bill so he could see, "The crash was ruled out as an accident but they don't have solid proof that that's what it was. The reasoning they gave was that the breaks were mangled in such a way it suggested a malfunction there caused the accident, but, in the end, it's only speculation."

Bill frowned. There was a feeling in his gut that had started when Pine Tree had first mentioned the missing black box. It steadily grew as he continued his summary on the report. Something was wrong and his head was starting to hurt because of it. The demon closed his eyes for a brief moment to will the headache away but memories began flashing in his mind instead. It was as though Timothy's body was remembering what happened.

"Hey…" Pine Tree started slowly, his voice filled with concern, "Are you okay? You don't look so good…"

"I'm fine," Bill brushed off and rubbed at his temples, "What does the report say? Was the accident caused when the plane was, what? Landing?"

"Uh, yeah." Pine Tree confirmed.

"That's not right." Bill asserted and his heart began beating rapidly for an inexplicable reason. He started to feel very anxious and uncomfortable. Timothy's body was reacting very strangely and he didn't like it. It needed to calm down. "The plane was in the air when it happened."

"What?" Pine Tree asked, shocked.

Bill shook his head and tried to make sense of the blur of memories that weren't his own. "It happened…in the air." He continued, gritting his teeth together. As funny as pain was, this type was beginning to get intolerable. "There was…the engine started smoking. The one on the left wing…"

"Bill…" Pine Tree began, gently placing a worried hand on his shoulder.

"Man…my head's really hurting." The demon chuckled and screwed his eyes shut.

"Here, we'll get you some water…" Pine Tree suggested.

He helped Bill off the couch and guided him back to the kitchen. The blond was in too much pain to care that he would see the displayed sex supplies on the island. Pine Tree sat him down at the kitchen table and closed the nearby curtains to limit the sun's light. It helped a little. Soon, he returned with a cold glass of water and handed it to Bill who downed it in a few seconds.

"Is that better? Do you need anything else?" Pine Tree asked worriedly. "I could get you some Tylenol or something; would that help more?"

Bill had to force himself not to give the other teen a strange look. However, he couldn't help but be even slightly weirded out by his concern. Then again, he had to remind himself that Pine Tree still didn't know who he was. It made his worry much more understandable. He would never act the same way if he knew the truth. Bill wondered why he was somewhat bothered by that.

"No, I'm fine." He said, "I just need a minute…"

"Are you sure?" Pine Tree insisted.

"Yeah, the medical report said I suffered a lot of brain trauma." Bill continued and placed the empty glass on the table, "Obviously, I lost some memories. They told me the chances of getting them back were slim."

"Did you remember anything?" He asked.

"Yes and no." Bill sighed, "It was a muddled mess; hard to make sense out of everything I was seeing."

"Well if you're right and the accident happened in the sky," Pine Tree began, "Then that means the report lied and, by extension, the crash wasn't the accident it seemed to be."

"Looks like your uncle wasn't the man you thought he was, hun?" Bill smirked half-heartedly. His head still hurt too much to be completely and genuinely haughty.

"The fact that the crash wasn't an accident and that some cop lied doesn't incriminate him." Pine Tree insisted, "I caught a glimpse of the date of the tragedy as well as the location. It happened in late June in Maine. Grunkle Ford was in Gravity Falls at the time, I know it and we probably have pictures of him on that day. Mabel was going through a photography phase and was taking pictures of everyone all the time. It couldn't have been him. There's no way."

"I'm not convinced." Bill stated and a part of him was wondering why he was prolonging his stupid lie, "Just because he wasn't there doesn't mean he wasn't behind it. There was clearly more than one person involved seeing as a cop lied in a report. They probably didn't do that for no reason."

"Grunkle Ford wouldn't do that!" Pine Tree objected loudly.

"Then prove it!" Bill retorted, annoyed, "So far all you've been saying is 'my uncle's too nice to commit murder' but you've offered nothing to support it!"

"Well, your accusation doesn't have much in the way of foundation either!" Pine Tree argued heatedly.

"Actually it does!" The demon countered, "That old man has killed creatures like sirens and wendigoes before and you know it! Heck, you probably even helped him!"

Pine Tree flinched and looked like he had just been slapped by Bill's words. It was then the demon reckoned he had probably gone too far. He didn't know why he had gotten so carried away in the moment. His head was hurting, this situation was already hopelessly stupid, Timothy's body was acting emotional, and odds were he had just gotten frustrated. He sighed and leaned back in his chair as silence washed over the two. Just as he did so, Pine Tree stood up abruptly and headed towards the living room, simply uttering:

"I'm leaving."

_Great_. _I pissed him off._

* * *

**Option 1:** "Wait—"

**Option 2:** "Fine. Leave. _Murderer_."

**Option 3:** "…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: I'm not going to draw all the outcomes from every chapter for obvious reasons ;P
> 
> **I really don't know why so many of you were under the impression Dipper didn't see them kiss. Regardless, PLOT HAPPENED! The plane crash really wasn't some random accident, it happened because someone wanted the Smiths dead! WHAT A STRANGE TURN OF EVENTS!**
> 
> **NOW FOR THE THINGS THAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED HAD DIFFERENT OPTIONS BEEN SELECTED:**
> 
> **HAD BILL TOLD IRACOSHAM HE COULD STAY FOR 500$: Bill would have gotten his money back and the following events would have relatively been the same. However, Bill would have gained more "evil points" (just like he did when he beat that random drunk guy's face in).**
> 
> **HAD BILL TOLD IRACOSHAM NO: The sex worker would have left and none of the awkwardness related to Dipper discovering a sex worker in Bill's home would have transpired. The two would have dove directly into working on their science project and investigating the Smith murder.**
> 
> **HAD BILL SAID IRACOSHAM WAS A PROSTITUTE: He would have done so out of panic rather than honesty. Dipper wouldn't have initially believed him but then been in awe and slightly angry (HMM I WONDER WHY). Bill would have defended his decision, saying Iracosham was just teaching him sex stuff because he couldn't just go ahead and ask someone from their school. Dipper would have snapped and told him that he would have done it for free had he just asked. Then awkwardness would have ensued. Bill would have considered putting Iracosham's revenge suggestion into the play. The two would have then decided to pretend none of that actually happened and would have worked on their projects.**
> 
> **HAD BILL SAID IRACOSHAM WAS HIS MAID: Dipper would have criticized their relationship because it's unethical. Bill would have explained that that's exactly why he just fired him and that last kiss was just his attempt at petty revenge. Then they would have moved on and worked on their project/the Smith murder case.**
> 
> **So voilà! All options would have led to the concluding point of this chapter one way or another XP I'll give the different outcomes of this chapter's decisions maybe next chapter but probably in two chapters.**


	19. Friendless Once More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **_QUICK IMPORTANT THING CONCERNING VOTING:_ When you're casting your votes, please restrict yourself to "option 1, 2, or 3" or, in the event that option 1 is "punch him in the face" then you're also permitted to write "punch him in the face". However, PLEASE DON'T do something "option A" or something else of the like. Seriously just limit yourself to the option number or what I specifically wrote for each option. ALSO, be sure that if you decide to put the option number and what I wrote, that the two actually correlate. I excluded a vote because someone wrote (for last chapter, of course) "option 3: wait". As you can see down below, option 3 is "..." and "wait" is option 1.**
> 
> **So just be mindful of that, okay? :D**
> 
> **Last chapter's tally of votes:**
> 
> **Option 1: "Wait-" - 30 votes (16 on AO3 and 14 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: "Fine. Leave. Murderer." - 2 votes (FFN)  
> Option 3: "..." - 2 votes (1 on AO3 and 1 on FFN)**
> 
> **Alright, so, I took everything into consideration and we basically have five plotlines going on: _1) The Triangle Strikes Back_ (the plot at the story's base wherein Bill seeks revenge on Mabel and Dipper - there are currently two ways he can go about this), _2) One of Us_ (tied with the main plot, wherein Bill attempts to keep his cover as an ordinary human boy), _3) The Smith Murder_ (a byproduct of a decision made during the One of Us plot in an attempt to maintain his cover wherein Ford was accused or murdering the Smiths, a family of ancient wizards, and Dipper has to clear his name), _4) Popular Boy_ (sort of relating to One of Us wherein Bill seeks to climb the social hierarchy of school to become popular and have an easier time in the hellhole that is high school), and _5) Dating Start!_ (otherwise known as the Pacifica Date arc where Bill will have to decide what he wants his relationship with Pacifica to become)**
> 
> **These are essentially the give things at play though some are less important than others. For example, the Popular Boy plot might be dropped because a series of decisions has had Bill realize that being popular isn't important/necessary. Of course, more plot lines might appear if certain decisions made result in Bill spending more times with characters we haven't seen much of yet (such as Ford and Mabel). That being said, I don't envision the potential plotlines to be added to be longer than the Dating Start! plot line (which is the next big thing we'll be attack in a few short chapters).**
> 
> **Anyways, you children made the right call in guessing that option 2 of last chapter (the one where Bill calls Dipper a murderer) would result in the total termination of BillDip! So good eye for the most of you! ;P**
> 
> **On that note, ENJOY!**

Bill supposed he could have committed to being mean what with his harsh comment that sparked the fight between he and Pine Tree. A part of him really wanted to. He held so much anger in regards to the latter. It was Pine Tree's fault he was stuck in stupid Timothy. It was Pine Tree's fault that he had little to no magic left. It was Pine Tree's fault that he still had yet to acquire dominion over his universe. Everything that had gone wrong was essentially Pine Tree's fault at the core. His family, however, was not innocent either. Sixer, Fez, and Shooting Star had all contributed to his misery as well, especially the former. That being said, the demon still blamed Pine Tree for most of it. That little twerp had dealt the more decisive blows against him.

And yet, no matter how much he wanted to keep hurting the brunet, to call him a murderer and any other mean things that crossed his mind, Bill didn't. It wasn't in his interest to alienate Pine Tree when he had gone through so much trouble to gain his trust. Besides, the accusatory outburst hadn't been intended. It seemed that Timothy's body still harbored memories and emotions that could occasionally be strong enough to manifest themselves despite Bill's control. As true as the accusation was, Bill likely would have kept it to himself had his body not been so tormented by learning its family had indeed been murdered. On that note, the demon couldn't help but find that funny. What were the odds that a lie he pulled out of his ass turned out to be true?

Regardless, he pushed the thought aside. Pine Tree had grabbed his bag and was marching towards the door decisively angry with Bill's offhand accusation. The latter sighed deeply and trailed after him. He was going to have to apologize again and not throw up or grimace while he did.

"Hey..." Bill started, reaching towards the taller teen, "wait—"

But Pine Tree jerked his arm away before Bill could touch it. He glanced back angrily, glaring at him. The demon was taken by surprise. He hadn't expected to see such anger in the other's eyes and he felt strangely... _guilty_?

"Don't touch me." He hissed and left through the door.

Bill winced as the door was slammed shut. He stood in place for a moment, watching the spot where Pine Tree had been only a few short moments ago. Slowly, he raised his hand to his chest and pressed it against Timothy's heart. It was beating wildly and oddly. The sensation was hard to describe but it didn't feel good and Bill wanted it to stop. He left the door and returned to the living room where he found the notes of their biology project sprawled over the small table in front of the long sofa. His heart gave another weird throb as he reached for the papers. He wondered if the two were still meant to ask for McGucket's approval for their outline come the following day. The demon carefully placed them in the bag he had finally purchased himself just in case.

The demon ended the day by sending his driver to fetch his groceries. Then he gave the man a spare two hundred dollars before firing him. His driver didn't complain much and must have been expecting this sooner or later. He tried giving him – or rather Timothy – a piece of advice and it was clear the man respected and doted on the pasty blond, but Bill didn't care and left.

Of course, having fired his only employee when he did hadn't been the best idea. The following morning was a Monday and Bill had no means to go to school. Luckily, he had gotten the idea to call a taxi early on and thus didn't arrive late. He then noticed the yellow school buses as well as all the kids piling out and concluded he ought to take the measures necessary for one of those ugly vehicles to come pick him up. Seeing as he probably wasn't going to use his day's worth of magic otherwise, Bill snapped his fingers and took care of the problem though he was considerably drained and drowsy after the feat.

Nonetheless, the demon trudged towards the side entrance and entered the mostly vacant halls – however, that was subject to quick change in a matter of brief minutes what with all the buses parked at the front entryway. He quickly happened upon the hall in which the seniors' lockers were located. A few small group of friends were huddled against them as they chatted idly. Bill recognized one of the girls with the blue hair who was friends with Blondie. She was talking with a quiet, lanky brunet. Just next to them was, fortunately, Blondie herself. She quickly spotted Bill and waved him over.

"So how was your weekend?" She asked, chipper as ever. "Looks like you finally got yourself a bag too. Good job."

"Thanks." Bill replied awkwardly. He wasn't sure if the last comment she made was genuine or not. "And it was fine, I guess..."

"Mine was super boring." Blondie huffed and closed her locker after she finished fixing her hair, "It would have been way more fun had you been there. But, I get it, you were busy."

"Yeah." The demon uttered meekly. Blondie was more talkative than he remembered. He didn't care much, but he just didn't know what to say when she paused to give him a chance to speak.

"We have bio first, right?" Blondie continued rapidly and looked through her freakishly large purse for her schedule, "We do," she confirmed before Bill had the chance to even open his mouth, "How was working with Dipper, by the way? I gave him your address since you forgot to. Is that alright?"

"Sure." Bill shrugged. He neglected to mention he had never given his address to Blondie either but it wasn't like he cared. He kind of liked her anyhow so he likely would have told her sooner or later.

"Okay, I'm going to be blunt with you," Blondie abruptly declared before Bill could answer her second question, "Mabel said Dipper got back to the Shack much earlier than anyone was expecting Sunday and that he was really mad."

"Oh." Bill replied tensely.

"Yeah, and Dipper's not the type to get mad," Blondie continued excitedly, "At least, not as angry as Mabel was describing him to be. So what gives? What happened?"

Bill knew it was in his best interest not to tell the truth to Blondie and so he wouldn't. However, he couldn't think of a lie to justify Pine Tree's reportedly sour mood. For a brief, fleeting, moment, he considering using Annoying McGee as a scapegoat but that would only open a can of worms that Blondie simply oughtn't know about.

"You and Mabel talk a lot, hun?" Bill mentioned instead, hoping to alter the course of their conversation.

"So?" Blondie returned and she seemed a bit defensive.

"So nothing." Bill sighed, "It's just, I didn't really expect it considering you two hardly spend time together at school. Not to mention that one time I did see you with her, you weren't particularly...nice."

"I...have a complicated relationship with her." Blondie conceded, "But that's beside the point. You're trying to avoid my question but it's not going to work! Spill it! Dipper never gets mad; what did you do?"

The demon began panicking internally again. He could feel himself about to spew another stupid lie when the warning bell rang. Saved by the bell, indeed.

"Wow, look at the time!" Bill exclaimed and nervously glanced at his wrist only to find he had no watch, "Well, better head off to class!"

He practically ran towards their classroom though he did manage to hear Blondie shout: "I'll find out sooner or later! I always do!" before losing her in the crowd. Then he belatedly realized they shared the same class this period thus she would have another opportunity to ask him about the fight he had had with Pine Tree.

Bill was the first to arrive to the class. To his dismay, McGucket was seated at his desk. However, the man seemed busy as he was scrawling on papers with a look of complete concentration on his face. He hoped he wouldn't be noticed as he quietly made his way to his usual desk in the far back.

"Nice bag, Mister Smith." McGucket said, freezing Bill in place. He glanced at the teacher who was still writing things down on the forms in front of him, "It's progress from the pass few weeks of bringing nothing to class. Is it too much for me to hope you'll actually be taking notes this lesson too?"

Bill wasn't sure what to say. He had only brought some pre-made salad his former driver had bought the day before and his project outline so the truth was no. However, he wasn't sure McGucket would like that answer.

"I'm just teasing you." The man eventually chuckled and Bill relaxed a bit. He looked up and shifted his gaze towards Bill. The demon immediately glanced away for fear he would do something that would betray his true identity. "I don't mind nor care if you don't take notes. That being said, I expect stellar scores from you on each upcoming test. I'll let you be so long as you get a minimum of eighty every time, capiche?"

Bill nodded and glanced at his bag. He wondered if he should show McGucket the outline or if he should wait for Pine Tree. Maybe he had calmed down since their fallout yesterday. However, Bill soon discovered he hadn't. The next student to walk into the class was Pine Tree himself and the moment he caught sight of him, he glared and looked away pointedly. Bill was admittedly offended by the rude treatment but said nothing of it. He tried to ignore the part of him that sort of felt hurt. Though it must have been Timothy's body's emotion rather than his own. He hated Pine Tree... _right?_

Other students began piling in immediately after. Soon everyone was seated. The last student to walk in was Blondie and she quickly booted the nerdy boy that had decided to take her seat next to Bill. The latter had to admit that it was kind of funny. She was just about to talk with him, presumably intending to resume their conversation, when the final bell rang and McGucket stood from his desk. She scowled at the ceiling as though it was responsible while Bill just grinned.

McGucket then began teaching. Bill, as usual, didn't pay attention. He leaned against his hand and looked out the window as he lost himself in his mind. He needed to get Blondie's attention away from discussing his situation with Pine Tree, though he couldn't find himself a convincing lie that would be easy to maintain. Then, an idea sparked in his mind. He remembered how the kids on TV would always rip a piece of paper and scribble notes they would pass to their friends during class. Bill reached for his outline and tore a blank corner. All that was missing was a pen. He noticed Blondie had two spare ones lying next to her notebook on her desk and took one slowly. Naturally, she spotted and he waited for her approval, which she gave with a short nod. Afterwards, on his blank piece of paper he wrote down: "Date?" before slipping it in front of her.

Blondie stopped taking notes to read the message Bill had sent her. Her face flushed with a blush instantly and a smile she seemed to be attempting to resist - but was failing - had etched its way onto her lips. It was sort of cute. She wrote her reply and passed the paper back.

"When?"

Bill had no clue.

"Friday."

Blondie nodded and added something else before passing it back. Bill hoped their conversation would end soon because the paper was small and they were quickly running out of space.

"Where?"

Of course, the demon hadn't thought that far ahead.

"It'll be a surprise." He opted to squeeze in on the last of the blank space.

Blondie tore a small piece of paper from the page of her notebook she had been writing on to add: "It better not be cheesy."

"You'll like it." Bill wrote back though it might have been one of the biggest lies he had ever told.

The class ended rapidly subsequent to that small conversation. Blondie had to leave quickly because there was something she had to do during the ten minute gap but she hurriedly expressed her excitement before leaving. Pine Tree took his time to exit the classroom. He was talking with Glasses. The demon deliberated whether he would try his luck in talking to the brunet, ultimately deciding yes. He grabbed the outline and took a deep breath before walking towards him.

"Hey, Dipper—" But as soon as Bill said his name, Pine Tree grabbed his bag swiftly and marched out of the class without sparring him a look. Glasses trailed behind him, glancing sympathetically at Bill before exiting as well.

Bill had half a mind to smack the insolent meat bag. Had he not spent his magic charge on modifying a bus route to come fetch him in the mornings, he would have summoned a ball of energy to hit him. The demon sighed again and gripped the papers tightly, heading back towards his bag. He would probably have to talk with Shooting Star again for additional help with her brother.

"Mister Smith?" McGucket called softly as he slowly wandered towards him, weaving his way through the mess of desks. "Is everything alright between you and Dipper?"

"Hun, uh, yea." Bill answered shortly.

McGucket didn't seem convinced. Bill just wanted their conversation to finish before he blew his cover. "If there's anything bothering you, you can talk to me." He offered kindly – so much so it was just weird. "Or maybe you would prefer speaking with my colleague, Stanford Pines?"

_Oh._ Bill thought. Now his bizarre compassion made sense. McGucket probably thought he had a bad case of anxiety or something because that's what Sixer had probably told him.

"Um...no, but..."

* * *

 

**Option 1:** "Thanks."

**Option 2:** "Could you maybe modify my absence for the next period? I kind of need a breather."

**Option 3:** "Could you take a look at my outline?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Pacifica is quickly becoming my fav and this is really unexpected.**
> 
> **Anyways, now for the way things could have alternatively gone:**
> 
> **HAD BILL CALLED DIPPER A MURDERER IN THE HEAT OF HIS ANGER: Dipper would have been very hurt and the two would have gotten into a bit of a shouting match before Dipper finally left. Then, when Pacifica confronted Bill about the fight, she would have mentioned that Mabel told her Dipper was deathly quiet when he came home but he was clearly upset. No one bothered him or tried talking to him but when she went to check on him, she heard him crying through the door. Bill wouldn't have opted to go apologize to him and would have asked McGucket to change project partners due to their falling out. Bill would thus have been paired with Pacifica and their relationship could have seen expansion from then on.**
> 
> **HAD BILL OPTED TO SAY NOTHING: Things would have been the same up to the point where Bill goes to see Dipper to apologize. Rather than give him the cold shoulder and leave, Dipper would have asked Candy to excuse them and then would have sarcastically made a comment along the lines of "So are you going to call me a murderer some more?" Bill would have then apologized, explained why he acted out, and acknowledged that despite that, he was out of line. Dipper would have still been mad but considerably less and the two actually would have gone to see McGucket to show him their outline for approval.**
> 
> **So I suppose if you wanted a hasty make up between Bill and Dipper, option 3 would have been the better one XP**
> 
> **Anyways, in two chapters (chapter 21, probably) we're going to attack the Dating Start! plot line! :D**


	20. Mabel the Knowledgeable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Jesus christ you guys! It's been almost two months since I last updated this story and for that I'm sorry. Uni quickly took over and once I had it all sorted out it was time for exams (which finished on April 25th for me). During my spare time, I was also working on finishing a different series so with that all done and dealt with, my attention is now on High School from Hell!**
> 
> **I want to start updating frequently soon to get this story done with. This will be my last story for the Gravity Falls fandom too so woop-woop!**
> 
> **On that note, last chapter's tally of votes were:**
> 
> **Option 1 : "Thanks." - 5 votes (3 on AO3 and 2 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: "Could you maybe modify my absence for the next period? I kind of need a breather." - 16 votes (7 on AO3 and 9 on FFN)  
> Option 3: "Could you take a look at my outline?" - 20 votes (15 on AO3 and 5 on FFN)**
> 
> **Now, ENJOY!**

"Mister Smith?" McGucket called softly as he slowly wandered towards him, weaving his way through the mess of desks. "Is everything alright between you and Dipper?"

"Hun, uh, yeah." Bill muttered shortly. He tore his gaze away from the door through which Pine Tree had left.

McGucket didn't seem convinced. Bill just wanted their conversation to end before he blew his cover. He was always unnerved at the thought of having to talk with the paranoid man for fear he would pick up on something off even the demon didn't notice in terms of his behaviour.

"If there's anything bothering you, you can talk to me." He offered kindly – so much so it was just weird. "Or maybe you would prefer speaking with my colleague, Stanford Pines?"

_Oh_. Bill thought to himself. Now his bizarre compassion made sense. McGucket probably thought he had a bad case of anxiety or something because that's what Sixer had likely told him.

"Um…no, but…" He began and paused, glancing at the papers he clasped in his hands. He felt as though a weight pressed down onto his shoulders which also brought down his moral. He sighed deeply and met the other man's gaze, "Could…could you take a look at my outline?"

McGucket seemed surprised by the request. He leaned back a bit and blinked rapidly, assessing the request. The expression that followed had Bill tensing. He conveyed pity through a gentle smile and sympathetic gaze. The demon had never felt more belittled and insulted in all of his life. Who did this meat sack think he was? How _dare_ he treat _Bill_ like some human garbage?

And yet, despite his outrage, Bill couldn't even bring himself to defy the offered compassion by making a snarky remark or, at the very least, standing upright proudly. Instead, he lamely offered the papers he held and waited as the other man looked them over. McGucket glanced at him briefly before looking the information over. His expression soon shifted to one of awe and amazement at the presented outline. Bill wasn't sure what was so outstanding. He and Pine Tree had just established the basis of an analysis of the impact of Charles Darwin's theory of evolution. Such a thing had been done so countless times before – Bill was sure of it – and thus they would only be re-establishing what the world already knew or could know if they bothered looking for it.

"This is…really impressive, Mister Smith." He said as he doubled over the chicken scratch rapidly. Bill momentarily looked away, distracted by a student walking in. The next period was going to start soon. "I'm speechless."

"Really?" Bill snorted in disbelief.

"Yes, this looks like the outline of a doctorate thesis." McGucket nodded and handed the papers back. "I take it you're looking to venture into science for your superior studies?"

"Yes." Bill replied stiffly.

He supposed, world domination could loosely be considered science – if one tried really, _really_ hard. He did plan on skinning meat sacks and observing their anatomy whilst they still lived for fun among other things. That was science, wasn't it?

"Then I recommend you save this for then." McGucket replied, "I've never seen such an interesting interpretation of Darwin's theory before, even from the biggest living names of science. You'll definitely make a reputation for yourself with this."

"Wait, does that mean it's good for the project or…?" Bill frowned.

"Unfortunately, I'm going to have to reject it." McGucket admitted, "What you're planning on proving through this analysis isn't something that can be done over the course of a measly semester. You're going to need a lot of time and a lot of resources to this flesh out as best as possible. As much as I would love to read your take on it, I'll wait until the end of your doctorate." He smirked and ruffled Bill's hair affectionately, but it wasn't appreciated. Now Timothy looked like an even _bigger_ mess. "Try aiming for something smaller."

"I thought this _was_ small." Bill muttered and put the papers in his bag. He then moved it upon noticing more students walking in and taking their seats.

"Mister Smith, you've already impressed me. I know you're smart." McGucket chuckled, "Actually, 'smart' is grossly under selling it, but I don't need you developing an ego because of me. Ask Dipper what he would like to do. What he'll suggest will definitely be at a high school level and will get you an excellent grade, I promise."

Bill's frown deepened. "This was Dipper's idea." He said but the other man didn't seem to believe him. "I just…made improvements."

McGucket sighed, amused. "Regardless, aim smaller." He maintained. "Come back to me with something simpler. If it's too simple, I'll allow your brain to make the improvements you crave. How does that sound?"

"Good." Bill humoured him and forced a smile. "Thank you."

"It's my pleasure." He said as he moved back to his desk, "Now off to your next class. You've got two minutes before the bell."

Bill nodded and left the local just as a large group of students entered. He squeezed through the door and ventured into the corridors. Given how the next period would soon commence, it was mostly empty and walking through wasn't as big of a hassle as it otherwise would have been. Bill took a few steps, heading towards the side exit which gave out on the portables but stopped himself. He didn't want to go to his history class. Pine Tree would be there and things would be awkward. Speaking of, he had absolutely no idea what he was going to be doing for lunch given their relationship status.

Perhaps skipping classes at the beginning of the year was a poor idea, but none of really mattered. Bill's attendance was simply a part of his plan to get his revenge on Pine Tree and Shooting Star. As such, he decided he would skip that class and find something else to do. He turned away from the exit and went to the atrium. He supposed he could observe teenagers in their natural state so as to perfect his cover. However, as soon as he entered the wide, open area, he noticed Shooting Star sitting at a table alone. She had also caught sight of him but pretended she hadn't by immediately burying her face in the book she had in front of her.

Bill huffed. He supposed he wasn't too surprised by the reaction. From what he had learned, when teenagers got into fights with one another, their friends tended to rally behind them in a show of support. In the case of two people with the same group of friends feuding, the group would discuss the situation and unanimously pick the one they preferred. All this to say that Shooting Star had evidently chosen her brother. The Pines did put a strange emphasis on family. And yet, Bill saw an opportunity he daringly took. Shooting Star was kind to a fault and he could use that against her to gain more information on Pine Tree.

This wasn't the first time Pine Tree had gotten angry with him all the while believing he was an average wizard child under cover as one Bill Smith. The last time he had been able to salvage the progress he had made and fix everything, though the circumstances of this fight were different, he was sure he could do it again and play his cards right. The demon was consequently certain that things would play out in his favour if he thus went to Shooting Star for advice again.

He sauntered to her table and stood in front of her for a brief, awkward moment. "Um…Mabel?" He eventually said, clearing his throat for her attention.

"O-oh! Hi!" She laughed nervously and forced an abnormally big smile on her face. "Didn't see you there."

An obvious lie. But Bill didn't mention it.

"Can I sit with you?" He asked.

"U-uh…" Shooting Star hesitated. She looked around as though she needed someone to tell her what to do. This was the product of her kindness. Bill was sure her instincts told her to say yes but her loyalty to her brother was what was making her falter. He hoped her instincts would win her internal battle. "Sure…but, don't you have history with Dipper?"

"Yeah…well, I'm not going today." Bill admitted and seated himself across from her. He placed his empty bag on the space next to him.

Shooting Star suddenly regarded him with sympathy. It was just as annoying and as frustrating as when McGucket had done it. Perhaps more so considering it was her and her family's fault Bill was in this ridiculous mess. "Is it because of your fight?" she asked, though already knew the answer.

Bill nodded. He was happy she was making this easy on him by jumping immediately to what he wanted to address. "I kind of wanted to ask you for…advice?"

"Okay…" She agreed tentatively. "But I would need to know what it was about to help…"

Bill hesitated. He remembered Blondie having told him that even Shooting Star didn't know what had angered Pine Tree so much. It was better to keep it that way. He didn't need to have to convince her of his stupid lie wherein he suspected Sixer had murdered a family of wizards. He still couldn't believe Pine Tree had bought the ludicrous story. Not that he complained too much. It was better than the truth being revealed.

"Um, well," he started slowly, thoroughly considering his words, "We got into a fight over something personal…I went a bit overboard and said something inconsiderate."

"Did you mean it?" Shooting Star asked seriously.

"No." Bill answered almost too quickly. "I was…I just got mad and frustrated and lashed out. I was wrong but…but he won't let me apologize to him."

Bill felt strange. He felt… _genuine_? No, that couldn't be right. He didn't like Pine Tree. He hated him…right?

"What did you say to him?" She inquired.

He obviously couldn't tell her he had essentially called him a murderer. "An idiot." He lied instead. He supposed it was also partially true though. He _had_ gotten angry over his dumb counter arguments.

"An idiot?" Shooting Star repeated, unconvinced.

"We were arguing pretty bad before I shouted it." Bill supplied, "Then I called him an idiot and he upped and left."

Shooting Star sighed deeply and leaned back a bit. "I guess, coming from _you_ , that would hurt him." she muttered mostly to herself.

"How come?" Bill asked.

She smiled lightly and it made the demon feel weird. "It's not my place to tell." She said, "You'll probably find out sooner or later."

As annoyingly cryptic as she had just been, he opted to get back to the reason they were talking about his fight. "Okay…but do you know what I should do to fix this?" He persisted.

"You need to give him space, you have no choice here." Shooting Star informed musingly, "Once he calms down, then you can talk to him."

"When will I know he's ready?" Bill queried.

"Trust me, you'll know." She assured, "It'll be noticeable."

"What should I tell him?" He asked, "I want to fix this…but I'm afraid I might screw things up further…"

The concern was genuine. If he couldn't fix things with Pine Tree, he would have to move to a different target. The degree of their fallout might also keep him from getting close to Shooting Star which would mean he would have to try his luck with Sixer – something he absolutely wanted to avoid if possible. With the twins, he could permit himself to make some silly mistakes because they could easily be brushed off and forgotten. With Sixer, one misstep could royally screw him over.

"I mean, it's tricky." Shooting Star started slowly, "It would help if I knew everything about the fight you two had gotten in…" she paused momentarily, silently ushering Bill to give her more information but nothing she could do or say would ever make him concede. She seemed to understand that when she continued; "Regardless, being honest with your feelings is never a bad idea. Tell him that you didn't mean it and give him a frank apology. Showing him that you also regret what you did would definitely help your cause…but you're going to have to wait for when he's ready."

Bill sighed and nodded. There was nothing he could do at the moment to remedy his situation with Pine Tree. From the way Shooting Star was talking, it still seemed salvageable which was good. It had taken a lot to get Pine Tree to trust him and to form a bond with him. Now he had to bid his time and play his cards right to get back on track.

"Bill?" Shooting Star said, pulling him from his thoughts.

"Hm?" He responded.

"Be…be careful with what you say to my brother, okay?" She demanded softly. "Like I said, I can't tell you much because it isn't my place, but…be careful. Your words can really affect him – more than those of others."

Bill's – no, rather _Timothy's_ heart gave a peculiar throb. He nodded his comprehension to Shooting Star instead of verbally answering. Her words shrouded a secret Bill wasn't sure was actually a secret. A distant voice in the far back of his mind seemed to know what she was hinting to but it was like he was purposefully muffling it because he didn't want to acknowledge it. He shook his head and stifled his thoughts on the matter. He had other things to focus on. He doubted what Shooting Star had been alluding to was even remotely important anyhow.

With the Pine Tree situation left at a standstill for the moment, he could think about his date with Blondie. On that note, Bill was utterly clueless and perplexed. He had suggested Friday because it seemed to be the day of the week everyone from movies and TV shows selected for dates. However, he had no idea what he ought to do for her. Blondie likely had high expectations what with having lived a privileged life. Luckily, he was in the presence of someone with whom she conversed regularly and seemed to be knowledgeable on the matter.

"There's something else…" Bill started nervously after a moment, "There's something else I would like your advice on."

Mabel looked away from her text book and looked up at him expectantly. The demon wasn't sure why he was suddenly so uneasy. A date with Blondie wasn't a big deal, was it? Sure she was very pretty in her own way, funny and charming, and popular, but it would all be fine, right?

"Um…I've got a date…" He said slowly, "A date with Pacifica…"

He stopped when he noticed Shooting Star's expression shift. She seemed upset for some reason.

"Y-yeah, and I would like your help." He finished hastily, but her mood still seemed to sour gradually. "I-I've never taken anyone on a date before…" he added, hoping this would somehow help, "And Pacifica seems like a particular girl, you know? Not everything will do…"

"No, no, you're right…" Shooting Star nodded absently. "But…why do you want my help with her?"

"W-well…" Bill stuttered, "You two _do_ talk often, don't you? She mentions you frequently during our conversations."

There was an additional beat of silence before Shooting Star shook her head and a carefree but forced smile was etched on her face. "You're right, you came to the right person." She boasted, "Paz doesn't like your average things. She expects people to give her something unique when it comes to gifts or dates. That being said, unique doesn't necessarily mean expensive, just out of the ordinary and thoughtful. Here's how you can go about this…"

* * *

 

**Option 1** : Take her to a fancy restaurant.

**Option 2:** Take her mini golfing.

**Option 3:** Take her star gazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **So there was never an option which lead to Bill actually attending his class. The other two options would have just made him meet with other people as he skipped history.**
> 
> **Option 1: "Thanks" would have lead to him meeting up with Pacifica and learning more about her as a person. He then would have pondered his date choices at the end and might have been different.**
> 
> **Option 2: "Could you maybe modify my absence for the next period? I kind of need a breather." would have lead to him meeting up with Ford. They would have chatted a lot about his situation with Dipper. I also would have included a scene where Ford hints to situations he dealt with 30 years ago with Bill subtly conveying that he once upon a time had feelings for the demon but never acted on them. This would have opened a door for Bill, in the long run, to take advantage of his feelings and bang him or reciprocate, depending on the selected options.**
> 
> **Anyways, next chapter is the date with Pacifica so choose wisely!**


	21. Unprofessional Mini Golfer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **See? I told you guys I would try uploading more frequently! Good on me!**
> 
> **Now, here's last chapter's tally of votes:**
> 
> **Option 1: Take her to a fancy restaurant - 3 votes (1 on AO3 and 2 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: Take her mini golfing - 15 (11 on AO3 and 4 on FFN)  
> Option 3: Take her star gazing - 10 (7 on AO3 and 3 on FFN)**
> 
> **ENJOY!**

When Shooting Star went on about which of the three dates she thought Blondie would like best, she seemed the most enthusiastic about mini golfing. Bill didn't understand the appeal but he supposed his opinion was irrelevant. Apparently, Shooting Star thought Blondie would get a kick out of the sport seeing as she was a champion and the best player in the entire State. She seemed to praise her highly but Bill seriously doubted the title was as prestigious as the brunette made it sound. It was mini golf. A game for children – not that actual golf was much better.

Regardless, the demon hadn't missed the undertones of excitement during Shooting Star's spiel. He thus opted to select that one even though he didn't think either of them would be having much fun. Whatever happened, the demon was a bit apathetic anyway. If they somehow had the greatest time and wound up having sex, he could wow her with what Annoying McGee had taught him. If not, then at the very least he hoped they could still be on good terms. What he was about to embark on was admittedly a risky endeavour given Blondie was the popular girl. She could make or break someone if she so desired it.

With that settled, the rest of the week progressed insanely slowly. Bill spent lunches on his own or with Blondie if she managed to catch him in the halls. Pine Tree still refused to acknowledge his very existence, which was incredibly frustrating but the demon knew there was nothing he could do. He would heed Shooting Star's words but it didn't mean he had to like it. With that said, Bill did notice how the brunet seemed to be less tense come Friday. He wasn't as stingy and his air suggested he was no longer pretending the blond was dead to world. The demon hoped they would be on speaking terms by Monday so he could continue his progress with the male twin.

When classes ended that Friday, Blondie was still unaware of what type of date she would soon be partaking in. Bill consequently shouldn't have been astounded when she confronted him immediately when his final class ended. She stood akimbo in the doorway, surprising all of the other students with her unexpected presence though she barely paid them any attention.

" _Bill!_ " She said sternly, "It's Friday."

"It is." He replied cheekily, earning an annoyed smile in return.

"I think it's about time you tell me where we're going for our date." She demanded just as Pine Tree attempted to squeeze past them to leave the room. His eyes widened and he stopped, staring at Blondie dumbfounded. Bill felt his heart give a strange throb as something began creeping into his chest. Was it guilt? No – it couldn't be. Why would he feel guilty? "Uh…can I help you?" Blondie asked, turning her attention to Pine Tree who still stood between them.

"Wha—uh…" Pine Tree stammered as though he were surprised to be noticed. He glanced nervously between Bill and Blondie as he struggled to form coherent words, "No, no…I just…you two are going…on a date…?"

"Yeah." Blondie responded a bit too dryly as she rolled her eyes. "You would know that if you took that stick out of your ass and talked with Bill."

Pine Tree was shocked and pinched his lips together tightly. His eyes fell upon Bill before drifting to the ground. The demon was sure that the emotion he saw etched on his face was guilt. That was good. Perhaps it would encourage him to re-establish their talking terms. However, the brunet still said nothing. Rather than answering either of them, he simply walked by them, prompting the other students to follow in his footsteps to leave the classroom. Bill and Blondie ventured into the halls as well, moving to the wall to pursue their conversation.

"You didn't have to do that." Bill said, but it didn't feel like the words were his own.

_Timothy?_

"I know, but I'm not sorry." Blondie proclaimed and crossed her arms above her chest, "We're practically adults. It's time we settle our problems like grownups and talk things out. What he's doing is unbelievably childish."

Bill couldn't repress the smirk that tugged at his lips. He really enjoyed Blondie's fiery attitude.

"Anyways, where are we going?" She reiterated.

"A little bird told me mini golfing would be a good idea." Bill said and the smile he already wore grew as Blondie's expression shifted. "I take it she was right."

"Oh boy, Smith. You don't know what you've gotten yourself into." Blondie grinned wickedly.

"Maybe not." The demon conceded. "I still booked the entire course just for us. Meet me there at seven?"

"You bet I will." She assured and quickly pulled him into a kiss.

This one wasn't as bad as all the others.

They parted ways and Bill took the ugly, noisy yellow bus back to Timothy's mansion. He eagerly hopped off and walked down the long driveway to his front door. Once inside, he discarded his bag and clothes to pull on something more appropriate. When Shooting Star had finished her three separate rants on potential date ideas, she went on a tangent about what Bill should wear. She had even drawn out what she had in mind for visual references.

Given Timothy's pale complexion and features, she had stated that darker colours would look strange on him. Instead, Bill should opt to pull on pastel or light coloured clothes. Bill consequently fished out a light yellow dress shirt, off white capri dress pants, and black shoes. He then rolled his sleeves to his elbows and found himself fairly satisfied with his look. Timothy wasn't as ugly as he typically was.

Still ugly, but not blindingly so.

All prepared and with ample time to spare, the demon ventured to his kitchen and pulled out a premade Greek salad. He added the dressing and mixed it in nicely before devouring the content. He found himself more energised and far less tired than he had been upon arriving home. When he finished, it was time to call his uber driver to come pick him up and bring him to the mini golfing course. He reckoned he should probably get himself a driver's permit so as to not have to rely on others for transport, however he knew he didn't have nearly enough magic to accomplish the feat.

As such, he was driven to the mini gold course where Blondie waited for him. She was dressed in sportswear, her hair tied up in a neat pony tail, and a long, cylinder bag strewn over her left shoulder. Bill felt he might not be wearing the most proper clothes given the outfit Blondie had decided to sport. That being said, she didn't seem bothered by what he wore as she made no mention of it. Instead, she took an excited step closer and Bill could see the enthusiastic twinkles in her eyes.

"Did I make you wait?" Bill asked. Arriving late was a faux pas in dating.

"Not super long." Blondie answered, "It doesn't matter though, we're both a little early."

_Yes, by thirty minutes_. Bill thought to himself. "Doesn't matter," he shrugged, "I booked the place for the whole day. We can walk in whenever."

"Let's get to it, then!" Blondie grinned and hooked her arm around Bill's.

He led them through the front gates. No one was stationed at the front desk to greet them and hand them golf clubs and balls, but Blondie had come prepared. She offered for Bill to use the equipment she effortlessly lugged around in her pale cylinder bag and he agreed. The course was comprised of eleven different landscapes which were now theirs and theirs alone. Blondie grinned widely and took in a deep breath.

"It's the first time I've played here all alone." She admitted, "It's refreshing to be finally able to take my time. I can't believe I didn't think of renting out this place entirely for myself before."

"Eh, you could always have one custom made for yourself." Bill shrugged.

"Good point." Blondie conceded and released the demon's arm. "Anyways, you're the first guy who's ever brought me mini golfing on a date."

"How come?" Bill asked, watching as she took a club from her bag and inspected it carefully.

"Because being the Oregon Mini Golfing Champion is intimidating." She boasted.

"I don't feel intimidated." He replied bluntly.

"You will." She assured sweetly.

Blondie picked out the club she preferred the most for the first hole and then picked out a pink ball. She set it at the beginning of the obstacle course and got into position. It was only when she began calculating her trajectory and the force she would need to wield that Bill suddenly realised he had no idea how to play mini golf. He had thought it was too stupid to bother learning.

"Hey, Blondie—"

She yelped just as she swung her club, screwing up her previous calculations. The ball shot off into a strange angle at a far too great force. It stopped near the hole at the other end all the same, but Blondie still seemed displeased by this. "You distracted me! That's cheating!" She snapped angrily.

"Sorry, I just…" Bill muttered awkwardly, "I don't exactly know…how to play…?"

Blondie stared at him incredulously for a moment. "You don't know how to play?"

"Yes."

"Then why did you take me mini golfing for our date?" She grimaced in confusion.

"I mean, what greater opportunity to go mini golfing?" He returned. "Not to mention you're the State Champion so who better to teach me the rules than you?"

Blondie seemed to accept the answer. "Well, let me finish my shot." She conditioned.

Bill nodded and watched her walk to the other end of the obstacle course. She positioned herself and gave a light tap to the ball, easily nudging it into the hole before retrieving it. Then she made her way back and slipped her club back into her cylinder bag.

"Alright," she began, "So mini golf is a fairly simple game. Your goal is to hit your ball into the hole at the opposite end of the course with as little swings as possible. To do this, you have to take special notice of the terrain you're working with. The strength you use to hit your ball will vary based on whether there's a hill, if the path swerves a lot or whatever else there could be between you and the hole." She then turned to her bag and began pointing out the clubs she had brought, "Depending on what you're working with, you'll require different types of clubs. Most people mini golfing just use a putter or a thin iron club, but most people are dumb."

Blondie spoke for a rather long time about the different types of clubs she had brought with her and under which circumstances they would be the most useful. She conceded that, for the first course, a putter would suffice given how simple it was. Once she finished, she handed Bill the putter and fetched him a blue ball which she place accordingly at the beginning of the path.

"Come on," She beckoned him over, "I'll show you how to position yourself."

Bill nodded and followed her instructions. He stood in front of Blondie and allowed her to move him around as she pleased. She began by spreading his feet apart to fix his stance. Afterwards, she made him bend his knees ever so slightly and stand at an angle towards the hole a short distance away. Once she had him where she wanted him, Blondie pressed herself against his back and stretched her hands to cover his.

"First, you've got to hold the putter properly." She said, arranging his hands. Her breath was tickling his ear. "Now that you're all set, you've got to assess the playing field." She turned her head, pressing her cheek against the back of his shoulder, "The path is flat and straight. There's a small bump around the middle but that's it. You've got to gauge the amount of strength you want to use and select the perfect angle before taking your shot."

Bill nodded again and gulped thickly. By now, he should be used to Blondie being touchy but he had to admit it still unnerved him. However, he also had to admit that he didn't find it as unpleasant as he once did. What was happening to him? Before he could think about it too much, Blondie began guiding his strike. Together they practice a few empty swings and then hit the ball. It rolled easily over the fake grass, hugging the bump as it rolled over it perfectly. Finally, it landed in the hole with a quiet little sound.

"Good job!" She giggled and pulled away, "Hole in one! All thanks to me, of course."

"Heh." Bill chuckled. "Seems like a simple enough game."

"I bet you're going to suck now that I'm not going to help you anymore." Blondie boasted.

"Oh?" Bill returned smugly, "I bet you're about to eat your words."

"Bring it."

It turned out that mini golf was much more fun than Bill had ever thought it would be. Blondie was very competitive which made things exciting. Though the game was as simple as he thought it would be – he never needed more than one hit to get the ball in the hole now that he understood the basics – it was the company that made the activity enjoyable. Without Blondie, Bill was sure he would lose interest fairly quickly. In the end, he won their game with a score of eleven whereas Blondie was in second with twelve points. She seemed upset at having lost but was still overall being a good sport. It was strange. In that moment, he felt…happy?

"So I guess I won." Bill grinned.

"Only because you distracted me at the beginning." Blondie protested.

"Sounds like someone is being a bit of a sore loser." Bill teased.

"You know, when the guy invites the girl mini golfing," Blondie stated, "He's supposed to let her win."

"What kind of victory would that be?" He snorted. "You've got to work for success, even if you're bathing in wealth."

"I want a rematch!" She suddenly declared.

"Maybe next time." Bill chuckled and glanced at the sky. "It's getting late."

The sun had all but set a few minutes ago. The days were much shorter and colder now that they were in autumn. They only had the fairy lights strewn between wooden posts over the entire playing space to light their surroundings. It reminded Bill of some of the romantic settings he had once seen on TV. Should he kiss Blondie now? Was that what was expected of him? The woman in question pulled him out of his thoughts by slipping her hand in his. His heart began beating rapidly. He was absolutely certain that she wanted to be kissed.

* * *

**Option 1** : Kiss her.

**Option 2** : Don't kiss her.

**Option 3** : Invite her back to your place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **And so was their date! I thought about making Bill get angry and suck really badly but I felt that mini golf was something he could easily figure out and master once the basics were laid out for him lol So no angry Bill, instead a peeved Pacifica because she would have tied had she not gotten jinxed.**
> 
> **Anyways, I love telling you guys what would have happened with the other choices even if it is unnecessary. So here were the alternate scenarios:**
> 
> **HAD BILL TAKEN PACIFICA TO A FANCY RESTAURANT: The restaurant would have been owned by her family but she would have appreciated the gesture despite how cliché and ordinary it was. There would have been a lot of talking and getting to know each other. I might even have split it in two, allowing you guys the decision of what exactly Bill would tell her or want to talk about. Afterwards, the decisions of the following chapter would end with the same options in this chapter but with varying success rates (like if you guys would have chosen for Bill to talk about Pacifica and Mabel's kissies she would be kind of closed off and probably unreceptive to go back to Bill's place or something).**
> 
> **HAD BILL TAKEN HER STAR GAZING: it would essentially have equated to sex. So Bill would have invited her to his mansion late at night and then guided her through the forest on his property. They would have wounded up in an empty feel with a clear view of the sky. Then Bill would have pulled out a blanket on which the two could lie and contemplate the stars. There would have been lots of cute conversations and intimate confessions until Pacifica would lead in for kiss and instigate sex ~~the Dothraki way~~.**
> 
> **HAD BILL AND DIPPER NOT GOTTEN INTO A FIGHT: there would have been big chances of Dipper crashing their date (especially if the restaurant scenario was selected) and you would have had the option to ditch Pacifica for Dipper or tell Dipper to fuck off or awkwardly invite Dipper to join your date.**
> 
> **Things have taken a vastly different turn in terms of story than I was expecting. I'm guessing that the reason for that was because of the party and the decisions made then. If Bill had hooked up with someone at the party, he probably would have ended up dating them afterwards which would have guided the story in an insanely different direction.**


	22. Friendzoned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I personally hate the term "friendzone" because of what it essentially means and so feel like a very big hypocrite for using it as the title of this chapter.**
> 
> **With that said, last chapter's tally!**
> 
> **Option 1: Kiss her. - 9 votes (5 on AO3 and 4 on FFN)  
>  Option 2: Don't kiss her. - 15 votes (10 on AO3 and 5 on FFN)  
> Option 3: Invite her back to your place. - 7 votes (3 on AO3 and 4 on FFN)**
> 
> **To be honest, the outcome of this vote was wayyy tighter than I expected which consequently made me happy.**
> 
> **NOW ENJOY!**

Bill's eyes drifted from Blondie's to her lips repeatedly as the distance between them seemed to get gradually smaller. She looked so beautiful bathed with the dim glow of the fairy lights. Her eyes shimmered with excitement before she closed them, likely expecting that kiss that now seemed long overdue. The demon could feel his heart beginning to thump erratically in his chest at the thought. He didn't know why he was so nervous. Annoying McGee had taught him how to kiss and told him he was very good.

Blondie was pretty and popular. Having her at his arm and making her his girlfriend would definitely have positive repercussions for his reputation. He would definitely skyrocket at the top of the high school social hierarchy. However, the more he thought about it, the less it seemed important. After all, he didn't seem to be anywhere near the top when he first entered high school and yet no one gave him any grief for it. Perhaps it wasn't as important as he had initially thought. He _had_ discovered most of what he thought he learned on TV was in fact exaggerated bull shit. Bill hadn't even spotted that slightest instance of bullying.

"What are you waiting for?" Blondie whispered, peaking at him with a playful yet impatient smile.

The demon gave her a nervous smile and shrugged. He had no idea why he was stalling so much. Kissing was simple and easy. She then closed her eyes and he leaned in. Their lips brushed together before Bill shut his eyes as well. And then…he pulled away. He couldn't do it. In the moment he closed his eyes, he didn't darkness but rather the smiling face of a browned haired individual. To kiss Blondie felt wrong, or so the strange throb his heart gave indicated when thinking of _them_. For some reason, it felt like betrayal.

"I'm sorry." He said as he let go of her hands and _Pacifica_ opened her eyes in confusion. He tried to give her a comforting smile but it felt more like a grimace. "I can't."

As a demon, Bill had never been privy to many emotions. He typically felt amused or angry, but now he felt a series of overwhelming feelings. He was sad, frustrated, nervous, guilty, and upset among a plethora of other things he had never quite experienced before. Being human sucked.

"What…?" Pacifica asked visibly disappointed.

"There's…someone else." Bill sighed.

His goal was to get his revenge on Pine Tree and Shooting Star. He didn't have time to fall in love with Pacifica. She was nothing more than a distraction. Any and all advantages he thought he could gain from linking himself with her romantically, he could also probably gain through friendship. There was no point in wanting to go further with her. That being said, it didn't change that a part of him felt disappointed that he couldn't. He grew more attached than he would ever care to admit to her.

Pacifica's gaze dropped to the ground. She didn't seem too angry with him – actually, she didn't seem angry at all. It was strange considering Bill thought she would very much be furious with him. "It's okay." She said, looking away absently.

"You're not angry?" Bill asked incredulously.

"Would it change anything?" Pacifica snorted and gave a bitter smile, "I could shout at you all I like but that wouldn't change how you feel. In fact, it might even reinforce it. You'd probably think that you dodged a bullet with me or something if I acted like a psycho."

Pacifica looked so sad in that instant. She moved her feet lazily on the fake grass, obviously bathing in misery. Strangely, the demon didn't like seeing her like this. Where he would normally rejoice in her torment, he felt terrible and the strong urge to try to fix things. It was so strong he couldn't stop himself from saying: "But…it's the same for you too, isn't it?"

The blonde looked stunned by the question. She gaped wordlessly; utterly baffled and confused on how to feel let alone respond. "E-excuse me?" she eventually stammered.

"There's someone else on your mind as well, isn't there? The demon insisted.

Pacifica's face flushed red. He wasn't sure whether it was out of anger or not. "What are you saying?" she asked lowly.

"Mabel." Bill said bluntly, only belatedly realising he should have maybe dropped the matter.

And yet, he felt reasonably sure about the direction he was stirring this conversation. Pacifica had shown time and time again that her feelings for Shooting Star weren't as simple as she made them out to be. It wasn't a case of rivals nor was it of acquaintances. They talked together frequently outside of school or maybe just whenever they thought no one was looking. Now that the demon thought about it, maybe they were trying to keep their interactions a secret – though if it were the case, they had done a lousy job. It seemed neither could stop talking about the other when they weren't together which, this fact alone, betrayed how close they truly were. What reinforced it all the more was the other poorly kept secret about how they continuously went somewhere private at parties to make out.

Again, Pacifica found herself baffled by the demon's words, unable to even utter a sound. Her eyes widened and she looked around frantically as if searching for a response somewhere in the surrounding environment. "I…" She stammered nervously, "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

Bill gave her a questionable look, "But you do…" he insisted and gaged the blonde's response warily. "I noticed."

"There's nothing _to_ notice." She argued obstinately.

"You don't have to hide it." the demon lied, "I won't judge you for it."

Though that last bit was true, he would certainly use it against her if it advanced his plot unless he found another way. He wouldn't throw her under the bus if he didn't have to. In the end, his one goal was to ruin Pine Tree's and Shooting Star's senior year. If it meant outing Pacifica's feelings about Shooting Star than he would. He _was_ still a demon albeit trapped in a horrible, miserable, pale and ugly body. Regardless, she shifted in place nervously and chewed at her lower lip.

"I…I mean…" She began hesitantly, " _Maybe_ …there's a little something…there…"

Bill smiled at her. "A part of me thinks she might feel the same way."

"W-whatever." Pacifica muttered and kicked at the ground aimlessly.

They stood in silence for a moment. Despite their recent conversation, it was a comfortable quietness but Bill still feared what would become of their relationship once the silence would end.

"I still care for you a lot." He added almost hastily.

"I know." She assured with a gentle but sad smile, "Just not in the way that I would like."

Bill felt a tug at his heart again, but this time it felt different. It didn't feel like his own. _Timothy?_ And before he could stop himself, he leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to Pacifica's cheek. She seemed surprised by the gesture but was ultimately flattered and grateful. Her hand wandered to where he had kissed her and she blushed lightly.

"Can we…still be friends?" Bill asked timidly.

Pacifica took a moment to answer. She considered the question long enough for Bill to start believing she would refuse and reject him brutally. But instead she took his hand and regarded him sweetly. "Yeah, of course." She agreed, "I'm glad you were willing to remain friends rather than be childish about this."

"I'm also glad." Bill smiled genuinely.

"Good, well…" Pacifica sighed, reaching for her golf bag, "Let's get out of here…it's getting cold."

Bill followed her out of the minigolf park and both waited for their rides home. Pacifica's arrived first, naturally, but even if it wouldn't have their parting still would have been awkward. They each gave each other a robotic and platonic wave before Pacifica said to hell with it and pulled the demon in for a hug. It was nice.

The rest of the weekend was spent in solitude for Bill. He re-evaluated his goals. Despite not dating Pacifica, he could still pull a great deal of benefits from just being her friend. As such, his worries in regards to the social hierarchy of high school promptly disappeared as they were made irrelevant. He was now left with attempting to destroy Pine Tree's and Shooting Star's senior year all the while maintaining his cover as an ordinary boy for as long as possible and managing the lie about the Smith wizard family murder.

So far, Bill had the means to achieve his primary goal in two different ways. The first was to out Shooting Star's feelings for Pacifica by spreading rumours. Seeing as the former didn't benefit from the perks of popularity like Pacifica did, if Bill spun the story just right, it would only affect her. However, his new friend would consequently be put in a position where she would have to betray her not so hidden feelings for Shooting Star to maintain her position as the most popular girl in school. Given their relationship status, he was hesitant at the idea of throwing her emotions under the bus like that especially after rejecting her.

Alternatively, the demon could do what Annoying McGee had suggested: ensnare one of the twins through seduction and pulverise their heart. Given how Shooting Star seemed more interested in Pacifica and Bill already had the semblance of a friendship with Pine Tree, the latter would be the target of this method. He would do as he was advised to; seduce Pine Tree, then isolate him from his friends and family so he could become his whole world, and finally shatter the illusion. The brunet would be left with nothing and fall into a pit of despair. If he was lucky, it might even push him towards self-harm.

And yet, Bill also felt hesitant in regards to the second option. It was almost like he didn't want to hurt Pine Tree, but that couldn't be true. It was impossible. He and his dumb family had ruined his life. So why did he feel so terrible while plotting their demise? The answer quickly jumped to the forefront of his mind: _Timothy_. Stupid, annoying Timothy. It was strange and infuriating to see how active his body could be in absence of its original soul. He knew human bodies could harbour certain powerful memories but didn't know it extended to their emotions as well.

_Yes, it's definitely Timothy_. Bill told himself.

But what was he to do now? _Timothy's_ emotions kept him from deciding on which of the two options he ought to lean towards. Bill thought for a moment, drumming his fingers over the nearest flat surface before concluding that perhaps he should just push the dilemma away for the moment. After all, the school year had only recently begun. It had barely been over a month and surely better options were yet to be discovered. The demon would simply have to bide his time. He still had a handful of months left.

With that said, the demon supposed he was looking too far into the future. He had to focus on his present situation. As such, his relationship with Pine Tree had suffered greatly but the past Friday had shown a sliver of improvement. The brunet had finally acknowledged his existence and stopped pretending he was dead to the world. After a weekend to mull things over and sort out his thoughts, Bill was sure a conversation come Monday would prove to be fruitful. Thus, before he thought about the twins' demise, he would first begin by attempting to fix the situation with Pine Tree.

It was the only thing on his mind the moment he woke up that Monday morning. He pulled on some fresh clothes and waited for the yellow bus to come pick him up. The ride was noisy but thankfully quick. In a few short minutes, he and the other students were ditched at the front entrance and hastily entered the crowded halls. Bill made his way to the seniors' locker section and looked around for Pine Tree. He found him with his sister and contemplated what to do next.

* * *

**Option 1:** Talk to Pine Tree.

**Option 2:** Go to class.

**Option 3:** Talk to Shooting Star.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **BTW, Pacifica and Bill can still become sex friends if you all collectively choose to have it that way.**
> 
> **Sorry for the long gap between chapters btw. I'm looking for a job and also decided this would be a good time to create an Undertale chapter story (which I'm currently working on). Essentially, I was supposed to write one chapter for my Undertale fic and then one for this one and then one for the other as such until either finished. I ended up writing two for my Undertale story before getting to this one.**
> 
> **Sorry again XP**
> 
> **As for alternative scenarios:**
> 
> **HAD BILL KISSED PACIFICA: They would have begun dating. Plain and simple. I'm not sure a lot of you realised this but that's what would have happened. Given that they'd also be dating, Bill might also have leaned more towards targeting Mabel's feelings for his gf so as to shun her for them. Why would this have happened? Because Bill and Pacifica dating affirms the latter's heterosexuality which consequently wouldn't be called into question. Therefore Mabel would be the only one to suffer from homophobic slurs.**
> 
> **SIDE NOTE: This does NOT reflect my own personal opinions. If the story went in the direction where students began bullying Mabel for her homosexual feelings, it would NOT be me condoning this through my writing. If it were, it would make me the biggest hypocrite in the entire god damn world ~~even bigger than when I decided to use "friendzone" to title this chapter lol~~**
> 
> **I feel the need to reiterate this because some of you might be lead to think otherwise. It's not because a writer writes about a character being raped, or a woman being demeaned because of her gender, or lgbtq characters being bullied for something that is natural and have no control over, that they share the same thoughts. It's important for you all to remember this.**
> 
> **Moving on.......**
> 
> **HAD BILL INVITED PACIFICA BACK TO HIS PLACE: They would have had sex. Again, I'm not sure whether you all realized this when voting for this option but it's what would have happened. However, this would have made them sex friends - at least to Bill. This gesture wouldn't have been a statement of reciprocated affection as much as a desire for sexual pleasure. BUT Pacifica would have seen it as officiating their status as boyfriend and girlfriend. This would have lead the story down a darker path wherein Bill would have manipulated Pacifica through sex and her emotions for his own selfish needs.**


	23. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I've got to be honest with you...

This chapter is more of a message than anything. For a while now I haven't felt as excited as I should have when writing/updating this story. I've pushed through it as much as I could but I'm reaching my wit's end.

Writing a new chapter for this thing has become a chore. Nowadays I find myself wanting to write literally anything else than High School from Hell. Part of this, I think, has to do with how I officially moved on from the Gravity Falls fandom. With no new material to sustain my interest, I looked for a new fandom to indulge in and, long story short, I found it.

I don't know what's going to happen to this story but I am giving it serious thought. I don't know if I want to push through because we're not close to the end what with so many things that need tying up. I don't know if I want to just force myself to wrap it up in 3 to 5 chapters - a part of me likes this because it gives High School from Hell an end but another part of me absolutely hates this because it doesn't do justice to the idea I originally had. I don't know if I want to write bullet points highlighting where I would have gone with this as a sort of summary. I don't know if I want to stop everything and just leave it here as is.

I don't know. I just don't know.

I'm assuming you guys now have a few questions on your mind. One question I'm going to anticipate right off the bat is : " **If you drop the story, can someone else continue where you left off?** "

My answer to this is **no**. If I drop it, I'm not giving anyone the permission to take over because this is my story and my idea. I don't believe anyone but myself can do justice to High School from Hell nor guide it to where it ought to end up at its conclusion. If this story is abandoned, it's abandoned for good.

So I'm going to keep mulling things over in my head and weigh my options. If you've got any questions or advice for me, leave it in the comment section down below.


End file.
